Weddingbee Blog

Part 1
Part 2

Up until this point, everything was going perfectly and seemed like a dream. But it was now time to MEET THE PARENTS (dun, dun, dun - cue dramatic music).

My parents are both traditional and liberal (well for Korean parents). My dad speaks accentless English, has a masters degree in English, and is an English teacher so he’s not your typical Korean dad. My mom’s English is not as good as my dad’s, but she can understand and speak English fluently. Still… in the end I guess they are your typical, traditional, Korean parents.

Mr. Bee is half Japanese, half White and sadly I knew from the beginning that race would be an issue with my family. I always thought that I would marry someone that was Korean, my family always assumed that I would marry someone Korean, no one in my family has ever married or even dated someone that wasn’t Korean. But I would never wish that Mr. Bee were Korean or anything else because that would make him a different person than the one I fell in love with.

I knew this dinner was not going to be easy and needless to say I was extremely nervous. My family was going to be hard on him. Mr. Bee on the other hand was as calm as a cucumber - he was prepared for my family to hate him for 10 years (yes he actually said that), and he would just show my family how much he loved me. What more could he do after all. My parents, my brother, Mr. Bee and I all met at a galbi restaurant in koreatown. My mom had booked a private room so that we could all talk.

Here’s a gander at some of the questions he had to answer:

1) Can you tell me the difference between: emotion, feeling, sentiment and sensation?

2) You seem like a very intelligent person. Do you think my daughter will be obedient enough for you?

3) Have you ever considered the economic and political direction of China over the next 30 years?

4) How would you define the word philosophy?

5) Who do you think needs the other person more: Hillary or Bill Clinton and why?

6) What were the main factors that contributed to the decline and fall of the Roman Empire?

7) Karl Marx wrote a good book on the division of labor that really influenced me. What do you think of Das Kapital?

Korean people believe in “jung.” They say that you’re only in love for the first three years of a relationship and then it’s all “jung.” What do you think about this?

9) Is there any chance your business could move to Los Angeles? (His company was based in New York)

(yes these questions are verbatim)

Mr. Bee also brought my father The Origins of Virtue as a gift because he had enjoyed The Moral Animal by Robert Wright and the two books are similar in subject matter. To which my father responded, “I wonder if this is a gift. Perhaps it is more like a bribe.”

Dinner lasted three hours. Mr. Bee was calm the entire time, and answered all the crazy questions perfectly. Despite their hardest efforts to rattle him, I could tell that my family was impressed. They liked him and they could tell that he really loved me. I doubt they would have been nearly as hard on Mr. Bee had he been Korean. It was a pretty unfair situation for him and I felt horrible. I just sat there the entire time quietly sipping my soju.

The odd thing is that my parents never brought up the fact that everything was moving so quickly. We’d hardly known each other 2 months and we were already talking marriage. When Mr. Bee brought it up, my dad deflected the topic of marriage altogether, and said that he would first need to meet Mr. Bee’s parents. An engagement is not something that takes place until the families have met in Korean culture. It’s not only a marraige of the two people involved after all, it’s a marriage of the two families. The only problem was, Mr. Bee’s parents lived on a remote island in the Philippines….

Part 1

So we met in November. Mr. Bee flew to southern California to visit me the first week of December and we drove down to La Jolla/San Diego for 4 days. In retrospect it seems a little crazy that we went away for the weekend the second time we ever saw each other. But we’d been talking on the phone every day including a record breaking 10 hour conversation and it felt like we’d known each other forever. The weekend was relaxing and wonderful. Spending 4 days, 24 hours a day together without fighting is a good sign - we really got along.

I flew to New York to spend Christmas and New Year’s with Mr. Bee. We did all the couple-y things like go to Rockefeller Center, ice skate at Wollman Rink, romantic dinners and drinks out on the town. On Christmas day we had tons of presents for each other. The first Christmas together as a couple is always so exciting. This was my favorite present - I’m a scrapbooker so Mr. Bee bought me a scrapbook and filled it with scrapbooking supplies…

A schedule of scrapbooking classes..

A copy of this astrological chart Mr. Bee’s friend did for him before we met…

There’s a good story behind this chart. Before we met, Mr. Bee emailed his good friend:

“I am meeting a Xangan for drinks tomorrow night. It was meant to be casual, but as I called her to coordinate it occured to me that it felt very “date-y”. Hmm… should be interesting.”

Her response:

“I put up a chart for your meeting tonight (it will be significant if you were to wind up together… er don’t worry about this, it all goes on behind the scenes when you have an astrologer friend)”“This is the chart of a (good) accident, waiting to happen and it’s all about Venus. Love and money… I am very sorry, but I have no bad news for chart, okay? There is a major window of opportunity here. Use it!”

Basically, it means that there were a lot of factors working in our favor from the day we were meeting, to the time, our birth sign compatibility, and something about a “harmonic convergence.” In other words, our “date” was gonna go unbelievably well. And boy was she ever right. She’s the same friend Mr. Bee called the day after we met and told her that he just met the woman he was going to marry.

Finally on the last page of the scrapbook, there were these stickers of a wedding dress.

The next time we would see each other in January, Mr. Bee would fly out to LA to ask my parents for their permission to marry me…

Can you have a wedding without a wedding party? No bridesmaids… no bestman… no matching dresses or rented tuxes?

Originally, Michael and I were going to have four attendants each. It was a very easy decision for me: my sister (matron of honor), my best friend for the past 20 years (maid of honor), my closest college friend and Michael’s sister. There were other friends who I would have loved to have in the bridal party, but 4 sounded like a good group.

Michael was planning on having his sister’s husband (best man), his sister’s husband’s brother-in-law (sister’s husband’s sister’s husband… huh?), his cousin’s husband and my brother-in-law.

…. His sister was the first to decline. She would rather just enjoy the wedding - no problemo. I can have uneven numbers or ask another friend (there was a law school friend I really wanted to ask, but I thought I should ask his sister first).

…. Then my college friend got preggers. (Yeah! She’s been trying for a year) She’s due a few weeks after the wedding and probably won’t even be able to attend (lives in DC).

…. Then his brother-in-law decides he wants a divorce. That dropped Michael down to his cousin’s husband and my sister’s husband. They were fine as groomsmen (two out of four) but he’s not really that close with either… not “best man” close… so he’s been avoiding the subject and hasn’t asked them. I know it’s really bothering him, so I’ve tried not to bring up the subject, but it’s T minus 5 1/2 months and counting, so some decisions need to be made.

Last night, I finally told him that he needs to deal with it and offered two options:

OPTION 1: No “best” titles - he can ask both guys to be “groomsmen” and just not have a best man; I would make my sister and best friend “bridesmaids” instead of maid and matron of honor (it’s only 2 of them, so they don’t really care).

OR

OPTION 2: No bridal party at all. We’d just have the kids (his nephew, my niece and nephew) walk down the aisles before us. My best friend would still be my best friend, she just wouldn’t be wearing a celadon green dress to prove it. Our sisters could be the witnesses and we’d obviously include everyone close to us in our pictures.

He’s thinking about it. I’m totally fine with option 1, but I don’t know how I feel about option 2 (even though I suggested it). Any thoughts?

I had to post this up but, um, how cute is this? This screams FUN WEDDING!

I joined xanga in April of 2003 and little did I know that it was soon to become a part of my daily life. The site is very addictive if I do say so myself. In June of 2003, I posted about a serious problem I was having with my family businesses. I was stressed, overwhelmed, and just venting. Mr. Bee contacted me through an email link on my site after he read the post because he thought he might be able to help me out. I’d never had any prior contact with him, but I gave him my work phone number, he called, and we talked on the phone briefly. He gave me some advice about different things I could do and if that didn’t pan out, he said he’d call in a favor from someone he knew in local government. Luckily, the problem worked itself out soon after and I emailed him to thank him for offering his help to a complete stranger.

Months went by. We commented on each other’s sites from time to time but we didn’t really have any other interaction - not a phone call, not a text message, not an instant message. One day I blogged about coming to New York for a vacation in November (I was living in LA at the time), and through a series of comments back and forth on each other’s sites, we somehow decided to meet up while I was there. I didn’t know anything about him other than his job and his age because he didn’t really blog, but I wanted to thank him for trying to help me out. He had an unfair advantage because knew me thru my xanga where I detailed pretty much every moment of my life.

We met on a rainy night at a small wine bar in the west village. I didn’t think it was a date, but soon it sure started to feel like a date. We hit it off instantly. I don’t mean in a “gee this is going well” sorta way… I mean in a “this is the coolest person I’ve ever met in my entire life” sorta way! I’m usually very guarded, but he made me feel very comfortable and at ease… he made me laugh a lot. People were sitting inches away from us on both sides, but we didn’t even notice because it felt like we were the only people in the room.We were so into each other our waitress kept refilling our wine carafe - we didn’t even order it and we didn’t even notice she was refilling it! The night was perfect - and it wasn’t just all the wine we had consumed. After that night, we were inseparable for the rest of my vacation.

The next day, Mr. Bee’s friend called to ask how his “date” went. He replied, “Barring an act of God, I just met the woman that I’m going to marry.”

*Le sigh* I was planning on going to Kate’s Paperie last week to buy some paper for the envelopes I’m making for my save the date magnets but then the strike hit. Bastards. And I didn’t wanna walk cause it was too cold & I didn’t want to give the cab drivers 10 bucks cause I’m a cheap ass. So I’m gonna go today. Yay!

My officiant bailed. Church duties. That totally sucks because I really wanted him to do it. I used to babysit his first daughter when she was a baby and he used to tutor me and my sister in return. We just go way back and it would have been awesome. So I’m talking to back up minister #1 and he wants me and c to take some pre-marital classes. Just too prep us for marriage life. Great. That’s just peachy.

This week I’m researching bridesmaid shoes. I don’t want to pay over $50 bucks for shoes when I know they probably won’t wear them again.

So here’s what I found so far:

Majestic / 5465 / ? Luxury / 5481 / $46.95

Lisa / 5353 / $49.95 Carla / 5466 / $49.95

I’m really liking the majestic but I think I’m gonna go with the last 2. 2 of my bridesmaids love wearing heels & one of them can’t wear heels so the last 2 pairs are perfect. All by Coloriffics.

I also bought the girls a cropped cardigan to wear with their dresses just in case it is cold when we go around Philly for photos. These finally went on sale at Abercrombie. I’m thinking about getting one in off white to go with my dress as well. I thought it would be a cute idea to get one in off white so I could wear one with them.

Merry Christmas all… hope Santa brought you nice things.

We got back from a Southern Caribean cruise earlier today. So much fun! I have pictures to share, but in the meantime these are the shoes I bought for the wedding.

They’re a little “prettier” than what I was looking for (I wanted *hot*), but they’ll be perfect with the dress. I wore the shoes one night on the cruise to start breaking them in and they were so comfy!

… Jimmy Choo … “Kandy” … 85mm … Nude satin w/crystals…

I definitely want to have something like this by the guest book/favor/place card table. It just sets such a romantic ambiance. I have plenty of tree branches in my mother’s backyard!

Borrowed from: MrsVioletBlue

Sorry to be MIA… work has been all-encompassing.

I’ve been dealing with wedding issues:

• we’ve been looking for a rabbi (no luck yet!)
• planning the honeymoon (Italy - I’ll provide all the juicy details in another post)
• met with a couple of florists and I’ve decided on Antheia in Jersey City. Her bouquets are incredible.

I’ve been sending Angie (the owner) pictures of chuppahs I like. I’d love something with flowering branches (even if it’s more like an arch than a chuppah), but I’ll probably miss the Cherry Blossom season by a month so it might be too expensive.

Cancun, Mexico - 2003
We are the king and queen of cheesy photos! Thanks for all the tips on the save the date magnets. I’m gonna go with the 2nd one.

I think I want to hire an acappella group to sing for 30 minutes or so during cocktail hour at the wedding. The cocktail “hour” will be an hour and a half so that Michael and I can take pictures. There will be tons to eat so the extra half hour will also mean less food to waste. But I think people need a bit of entertainment - they will eventually get tired of the string quartet.

Any Princeton undergrads reading this??? I sent an email to the Nassoons, but haven’t heard back. Any other recommendations? I’m looking for a light sound - a mix of 50’s/60’s/70’s and current music (Nassoons had some hiphop samples on their website, which I thought was fantastic).

I know a lot of the groups travel during the summers, so it may not work out. I’m thinking of also checking out Columbia groups (since they are more likely to be in NYC) and maybe posting on Craigslist. What I want is a mix of doo wop and beat box… preferably an all-male group, but I’m flexible with that.

*EDIT* I’ve checked a few groups: Princeton Tigertones: a bit too much of a choir sound. NYU Mass Transit: a little too modern. Rutgers Casual Harmony: kinda like the sound. Nassoons is still my fave…

I’m trying to make my own this week. What do you think of these?

Ok, I might as well write about this now…*sigh*..so here goes nothing…

I know I wrote about my proposal before HOWEVER that was actually the 2nd proposal. My great, loving, boyfriend actually proposed to me twice. The reason why is because the first time he proposed he TO-TAL-LY FOCKED IT UP! So grab some popcorn cause here it is ladies… Oh and before I begin, even though there was a lot of swearing coming out of my mouth I never once raised my voice. I was very lady-like…a truck lady. Ok so here we go….

I believe it happened a month before the 2nd proposal. I was at work and his mom calls me. She tells me she bought me diamond earrings and a matching necklace and asked if I could come by after work to pick it up. I’m like “No, no you shouldn’t have” and she’s like “Well, I can’t return it now. I already paid for it so you might as well pick it up.” Good argument. Okay! So I call up C tell him the story and we decide to meet up with his parents for dinner after work.

We drive into queens and meet them at this Chinese-Korean restaurant that they like to eat at. After we’re done we’re just sitting around talking. My Korean’s limited so I know they just bought a juicer so i ask his dad “why don’t you make fruit juice?” he gives me this long answer about how fruit juice is good but vegetable juice is better for you. So I go “What about strawberry juice?” “What about blueberry juice?” “What about apple juice?” I think I went through the entire fruit family. I think he likes talking to me. I think it amuses him. It’s like talking to a little girl with below kindergarten level Korean.

So while we’re having this ever-so-fascinating conversation about juices, c is having a private conversation with his mom. Private? He was whispering. More like hissing. I hear something like “I’ll do it later.” and his mom hissed back, “Do it now while you’re father’s here.” then he taps me on the shoulder and goes “My mom wants me to show this to you now.” he whips out this dark wooden jewelry box and opens it up. Inside are a pair of diamond stud earrings, a matching diamond pendant necklace, and MY ENGAGEMENT RING.

Relax…relax… I turn to his mom and thank her for picking this up for us but she’s so excited and tells me to try on the ring. So I put it on and tell her how beautiful it is. His parents are beaming. I put it back in the box after trying it on for a little bit. We left shortly after that. His parents got in their car and drove off. C and I get into his car. I’m just sitting there staring, just staring out the window, while c is like la di da di da… Buckling his seatbelt and adjusting his jacket. Me? I’m just staring out the window thinking WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? So as I’m still staring out the window i say really quietly…

Me: ..Was that the proposal?
C: What?
Me: Was that the proposal?
C: No baby, no.
me: What about the proposal?

To my HORROR he takes the ring out of the box, grabs my left hand, slides the ring on my finger and goes with a big grin “Will you marry me?” I stare at my hand still in his then I slowly turn to look out the front window again

Me: Tell me this is a joke?
C: What? So is that like a no?
Me: That’s a hell no. Is this a joke?
C: No why? C’mon will you marry me? (He’s grinning at me! GRINNING!)
Me: Is this a fucking joke? Tell me this is a joke.
C: (Still smiling mind you) what’s wrong with this?
Me: ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS? YOU’RE SERIOUS?
C: Hahahaha what’s wrong with it baby? (DON’T BABY ME!!!)
Me: Um… we are sitting in your car parked outside of a Chinese take out restaurant in the middle of fucking queens. Are YOU SERIOUS?!
C: Well I …
Me: no. Nonononono… I’m giving you 1 month, 1 month. You are getting down on your fucking knees. None of this “The Korean man does not kneel before a woman bullshit, and waterfalls, I mean fucking waterfalls had BETTER be coming out of my eyes!
C: Hahahahahahaha ok fine, I’ll give you the knee thing. You deserve that much.

Ladies?!! Hello? I have tortured that boy into watching every romantic comedy with me for the past 5 years. Have you not been taking notes? Do you have a death wish? Must I knee your testicles? I mean HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What da? Does he want me to kill him? Cause I’ll do it!

Then we drive off….
C: You wanna try it on?
Me: No.
C: C’mon babe!
Me: No! This never happened, I never saw the ring, and I will SPARE you the embarrassment and never tell anybody this story. Oh the shame!

He’s just laughing his hairy ass off. Hardy har…real funny you monkey. He actually found the whole thing funny. I shoulda bitch slapped his ass.

Me: Did you even ask my mom?
C: Um… No I was going…
Me: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? HUN! You’re seriously killing me.

Sometimes I just wanna grab him and just shake him to death. Just shake him. Not even like a polaroid picture, more violently, maybe even throw a pillow on his face and smother him for like an hour or two.

This explains why we were arguing about him kneeling in the 2nd proposal. Hahaha… I love him though. He’s my smile.

I need to book the “ride” for the wedding. I know it’s not original, but I still think it’s cool and will make for some cute pictures.