Weddingbee

Dear Weddingbee,

In some Asian weddings, brides and grooms would rather receive cash gifts instead of actual gifts. What is the etiquette of asking people who are unfamiliar with Asian weddings?

Angel

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Dear Angel,

My initial reaction when I read your question was to think that asking guests for cash gifts was a faux pas. Then I thought about it for a second and realized that despite having a small registry, we returned a lot of the wedding gifts we received because we simply didn’t have the room for them in our small Manhattan apartment.

Today, traditional registries are not one size fits all. You may already have all the homewares you need. You may not have room for gifts from 150 guests. You may be saving for your first home or a car. Whatever the reason, cash gifts allow you the flexibility to purchase what you need most. And while cash gifts are a custom in Asian weddings, cash is certainly an appreciated gift at any wedding! It’s all a matter of asking your guests the right way.

I decided to do a little research and came across an article where Peggy Post - the judge of all things etiquette - says that it’s ok to ask for cash.

One of the most common challenges that couples face is how to request money as a wedding gift. Doing so is acceptable, if done politely.

If you seek down-payment money, get the word out through family and friends, Post recommends. Just don’t include that info in the same envelope as a wedding invitation.

“If you are asked point-blank what you would like for a gift, you might say, ‘Whatever you choose will be wonderful, I’m sure, but money for a house down payment is on the top of our wish list,’” Post says.

This knot article also offers some good suggestions and ideas for a cash registry:

If you decide to set up such an account, or simply want your guests to know that you’d prefer checks — let your parents, close relatives and friends, and wedding-party members know that when guests ask, they can tell them that. But don’t completely forego some sort of traditional registry. Give guests a choice — some may really want to give you something material, rather than just writing you a check.

These days, there are actual registries set up around the concept of monetary gifts — including the Bridal Registry Account, created by no less than the federal department of Housing and Urban Development! Couples can open a bridal registry savings account with participating Federal Housing Administration-approved banks nationwide. Family and friends can then deposit cash wedding gifts directly into the interest-bearing account — call (800) CALL-FHA for more information. Or sign up for the Create-A-Gift on The Knot Registry to receive AmEx Gift Cheques to be used toward whatever it is you want for your wedding gift — a down payment on a new home, a massage for your honeymoon — traditional or not.

The best points the two articles make are 1) don’t include anything about your registry on your invitation, and 2) create a traditional registry (even if it is a small one) for guests who may feel more comfortable giving you an actual gift.

Hope this helps. Good luck Angel!

Best,

Mrs. Bee

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