Weddingbee

:Hannah & Susan:

My poem for susan and ohps is below.

Some things you should know…

I really look up to sister number 2
Everything she did, I’d want to do
Susan, can I borrow your red stirrup pants?
Can you show me how to do that Erasure dance?
Can you show me how to talk to guys,
Instead of hitting them and making them cry?
And wow, how you artfully put toothpaste on your face
For the pimples that you wished to erase.

But if ever I tried to rebel against the queen,
How she suddenly to me would become mean,
I popped the head off her fake Cabbage Patch
She threw my own doll’s head at me yelling, “Catch!”

We fought a lot when we were little
Our mother was often in the middle
Trying to break up the fight
Sometimes using all her might
Punches, scratches, bites and bruises,
To each other we were abusive
But that is always what you will get,
With one bathroom, five girls, what did you expect?

I recall when young Susan ran from our dad
He said, “Bab bahlree moguhrah or you’ll make me mad!”
She said, “Make me!” and from the table she sprang
Next thing we knew he was spanking her goon-deng
Thank God it wasn’t me receiving that bruisin’
But without her rebellion, she wouldn’t be Susan.

Did you know the following about my sister, Susan Lee?
She does not like incense or potpourri.
She does not drink water ever, only soda and juice.
If you are late, she will accept no lame excuse.
Same size feet since the 5th grade.
She guilt cleans the house if my mother she disobeyed.
She does not like to be made fun of her height.
And taking her sisters’ things is her undivided right!

She fell in love with Andrew who was a bit of a F.O.B.
But it was her heart that he finally robbed.

He knows idioms like the back of his head.
He pluralizes everything he saids.
He dreams himself a fighter in the UFC
Fighting in front of you and me.
He hits the golf ball down the line
And turns bright pink when he drinks wine.
Those are not dimples but dents in his face
From when he fell down during a chase
And for the next 50 years Susan he will support
It’s too late now you can’t abort!

So now we welcome you Choong Ohps into our fam
Thank you for taking Susan off of our hands
My family and I embrace you with open arms
And welcome you to our crazy farm.

So now that I have wasted your time
With this really crappy rhyme
Thank you for all coming family and friends
It was nice to see you again!
And no matter what is your gender,
Don’t forget to tip the bartender.

Let me just say the bartenders friggin loved her. Both of them came up to me after the party and says “Hey which one was it that said that thing about the bartender in her toast?” I said, “Oh, hahaha that was my sister.” They said, “We fuckin love her!”

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