This is Mr. Bee again, with a followup thought to my last post about Deciders.
A number of commenters mentioned that their relationships are an equal partnership. That’s wonderful; if Mrs. Bee and I weren’t equal partners, than I don’t think marriage would work for either of us.
But I have to admit: as I’ve grown older, I’ve become more open to the idea that gender has a role in relationships. Let’s call this the Caveman Theory: that women like it when men act like real men.
Along those lines, there are certain “girly” things that I just won’t do (like letting Mrs. Bee put makup on me, even if she begs). But that list of things is pretty short, in this increasingly metrosexual world.
But there’s also a list of Caveman Things that I always do, because I am a man. I’m almost embarrassed to spell them out, because we’re supposed to be so egalitarian in modern society. But without further ado:
- I always try to hold the door for others (male or female)
- I’m always the last to leave an elevator
- I always pay for dinner with a female friend (unless they insist)
I guess that’s not really Caveman stuff though; more like Chivalry. I am going to share the more raw Cavemen thoughts that go through my head:
- I try to regularly take Mrs. Bee out to dinners at new and exciting places. It sounds thoughtful but my logic is pretty primitive: as a man, I feel my job is to feed and provide for my woman.
- Say that Mrs. Bee earned more than me. This wouldn’t bother me at all, in fact I am looking forward to it! But then if I lost my job, and I couldn’t pay for anything… this would depress me. The logic is the same: it’s important to me to be the Provider.
I was going to list more things, but I guess the big theme is already clear: it’s important for me to be a Provider. I don’t have to be the sole Provider… and if I were permanently disabled, it wouldn’t bother me as much not to earn an income. But as long as I am able-bodied and of firm mind, than I feel that as a man, I have a duty to be a Provider.
I wonder sometimes if I am a dinosaur who has lost touch with modern sensibilities. Do men have a special responsibility to be Providers?
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5 Responses to “Providers”
I love it that my bf pays for most of our nights out, but sometimes when we agree to go dutch (going out with friends), I slip him money so when the check comes out, he feels like he’s paying for me. I know a couple that always bicker when the check comes out- “you pay for this since i only had one bite; I paid for your drink, you pay for this, etc.” and we always wait awkwardly. I’m so happy that we have an understanding.
I’ve always said I wanted to marry a MAN, not a boy. Man= someone who will protect me, provide for me, and love me.
It’s in the testosterone! 
i could go on for hours on this topic but i’ll save you from reading a long comment. my basic opinion is that yes, men definitely have a responsibility to be the “providers”. don’t worry, you’re not a dinosaur. like all men (well, most), you’re conditioned to be that way both biologically and socially! if they weren’t, we’d have a society seriously out of whack because gender roles/lines would be so blurred.
Especially when you first start dating, the man should always pay. It can obviously get pricey, so the girl can offset the expense by (1) cooking dinner (which in manhattan can cost almost as much as going out); (2) buying tickets to a show/game/etc; when ordering take-out to a girls house, she can discreetly give the restaurant her cc number so that the food is paid for once it arrives.
Occassionaly, the girl can “take out” the guy — like for his birthday or other celebratory meal. the one thing I HATE is the concept of going dutch.
Mrs. Bee, New York
Age and Occupation: 29, Weddingbee Publisher
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Internet
Engagement Date: May 7, 2004
Wedding Date: March 5, 2005
Venue: Westside Loft, New York
About Me: Yes, my name really is Bee! I love my blogging, wikis, and tabasco sauce!
i like the fact that J always holds the doors open for me, that he always leaves the elevator last, that he always carries my bags, etc. yes, call me traditional, but i like that in my man.