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Mr. Caterpillar’s ex-girlfriend is coming to New York to visit some friends, and she’s already called around to various people (not Mr. Caterpillar) trying to set up little get-togethers. Mr. Caterpillar’s band is playing a show on Friday, and she’s decided she’d like to attend. I would rather she didn’t. Really, if I had my rathers, I would rather she just sort of disappeared. Like that part in March of the Penguins when the 100 mph Antarctic winds blow and the older penguins just kind of . . . disappear? Unfortunately it’s spring, so I don’t think she’ll actually get knocked over by anything.
The last time she came to visit, she was introduced as a “friend”, and, naturally, I was really friendly to her. For my efforts, I got, in turn, (1) stony silence, (2) monosyllabic answers, (3) bizarre condescension. When I asked Mr. Caterpillar about it, he admitted that they had been involved previously, and that maybe she was a little jealous. That sort of explained everything, except why Mr. Caterpillar wouldn’t have told me BEFORE, so I wouldn’t have actually spent quality time trying to talk to this person. Sheesh.
In any case, she’ll be here Friday. Mr. Caterpillar has offered to (1) call her and tell her not to come because he doesn’t want her there, (2) tell her that he doesn’t appreciate her unfriendliness if we see her at the show, or (3) any combination of 1 or 2 + other things that will make me feel better. Now, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of all three offers, but I can’t actually avail myself of any of them without appearing like a crazy shrew. So, I guess we’ll just go, and I’ll try to avoid her. Meanwhile, I’m kind of praying for a freak Antarctic blizzard.
Heehee. You’re a great storyteller - that brought me a much-needed laugh (I’m praying the same Antarctic blizzard takes out my boss today *wry smile*)! Hope everything works out!! Hopefully her drama can stay in her sphere of existence and not leak into yours!!
Maybe she wasn’t prepared to meet you the last time and wasn’t “ready”. Hopefully she’s had more time to get used to the idea of you two being together and won’t behave so strangely this time!
Just giving her the benefit of the doubt, as i am guilty of being irrational way too often myself… =oP hehe
miss ant is so nice. i would make my fiance to tell her not to come. i’m sorry, but ex-gf’s who dont know their boundaries really upset me. and bf’s or fiances who dont let her know of her boundaries upset me even more. (speaking from personal experience).
he should just uninvite her!
he shouldn’t put it on you like that… it’d be different if he had introduced her as his girlfriend before, but now it’s time for him to make amends.
even tho you don’t want her there, if you ask him to uninvite her you’ll become the bad guy. that’s not fair - you have a legitimate reason for being wary because of the circumstances under which you were introduced.
it’s definitely his responsibility to control the situation. maybe he should get a little reminder?
noooo to the EX. Especially because she was rude to you. even “John” (a guy) says to uninvite. and you’re too nice.
before you get married, set boundaries with your fiance = no to the EX. i may sound crazy but that’s my $0.02
My bf’s ex is still semi in the picture because of mutual friends. Most people are smart enough to keep us apart (because we’re on the verge of a cat fight) but one of the girls is so oblivious and brings her along to everything. My bf has confronted her and told her they weren’t friends anymore and to stop bothering us. But she still tries. It used to bother me to no end, but I just see it as pathetic. She lost a great guy due to her selfishness and once he found me, she started wanting him back. We’re getting engaged in a few months and part of me can’t wait to rub it in. Is that bad? 
i don’t think that uninviting the ex is out of the realm of reason. since he says he doesn’t mind, he should go ahead and do it.
You’ve got nothing to worry about. He’s marrying YOU. So let her come and be gracious about it. Why? To kill two birds with one stone. 1) You get to subtly rub your engagement in her face to make her jealous and thus get back at her for being rude to you the first time 2) You look all the better for being the mature one especially if she’s rude again.
I would uninvite her as well. I’ve gone through the same thing. It’s not an EX but rather my husband’s best friend’s wife! When I thanked her for coming to the wedding, she gave me the dirtiest smirk! Also, their gift card only said, “Good Luck”. I truly have no idea what her problem is but I try to avoid her when we are at a same place but it’s still an uncomfortable feeling since you’re obligated to talk to each other….. We’ll be attending the same wedding again and definitely not looking forward to it. I’m praying that we don’t sit at the same table!!!
Sorry you had to go through this, I had horrible experiences in the past too so I can totally relate to this.
Let’s say Mr. Caterpillar decide to uninvite her and she decide to show up anyway cuz technically she did not call Mr. Caterpillar, wouldn’t that pisses you off even more? She can certainly act like she’s there with her friends and give you the biggest grin b/c she thinks she’s a threat to you. Let’s not satisfied her in any way. Honestly, there’s not much you can do, it’s more like how much you shouldn’t do. If I was in the same situation, I would try to avoid her as much as I can, not b/c she’s a threat to me but because simply I would not allow myself to be surrounded by garbages. However, if I do see her, I wouldn’t go out of my way to be nice to her but I wouldn’t be mean either just because I have more class and she’s not worth my breath. Try to focus on yourself and Mr. Caterpillar more =) Don’t forget to look pretty and have a blast today!
You’ve got nothing to worry, as Mr. Caterpillar seems concerned about your feelings.
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Mrs. Caterpillar, New York/CA Age and Occupation in 06: 28, Corporate Attorney to be Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Musician Engagement Date: March 9, 2006 Wedding Date: September, 2006 Venue: Rooster Point About Me: I don't like Jeff Koons, mushy corn, or the unnecessary diacritical marks the New Yorker adds to words like cooperative. Also, I'm an obsessive compulsive when it comes to crafts. And not just the ordinary kind of obsessive compulsive who needs to have everything even and aligned. No. I've gilded the heads of pins to make sure they looked properly antique. Gilded them. Then coated them in german glass glitter. I am that crazy.
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