Mrs. Ant, New York/Jamaica
Age and Occupation: 25, PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Finance
Engagement Date: July 26, 2005
Wedding Date: November 18, 2006
Blogging Since: February 15, 2006
Venue: Rockhouse Hotel
About Me: I live in New York but I'm planning a destination wedding in Negril, Jamaica. My fiance and I are high school sweethearts!
Someone Better
May 10th, 2006 @ 1:21 pm by Mrs. Ant
A good marriage must be created.
…
It is not only marrying the right person,
It is being the right partner.
~excerpt from “The Art of Marriage” by Wilfred A. Peterson
(one of our selected Ceremony Readings)
—————————–
A friend of mine told me I was too young to settle down and get married. “You’re only 24! You haven’t dated that many guys. What if there’s someone better?”
Hmm.. good question. What if there’s someone better?
The truth is, I know that there’s someone “better” out there. Someone taller. Or funnier. Or smarter, kinder, stronger, wiser, or any combination of the above. There are definitely guys who can dance better (but are probably not as darn cute as he is when he tries). Perhaps there is even someone out there who may understand me more easily.
What my friend doesn’t understand is that I’m not looking for someone better.
To me, marriage is not about being with the best candidate out there. If it was, how would anyone ever satisfy their curiosity for finding someone better? You continue meeting new people throughout your entire life. What if you meet someone better after you’re already married? Then what?
Personally, I’m not interested in someone better. I’ve already found someone who I love so much that I can’t be without him. To me, marriage is about loving someone else so much that you want to devote your heart, soul, and the rest of your life to being with them and making it work- no matter what. When I marry him, I will vow to be by his side “until death do us part,” not “until someone better comes along.”
My friend thinks I’m missing out. But I think she’s missing the point. The secret to a happy marriage is teamwork, not a lengthy interview process.
21 Responses to “Someone Better”
we used that same reading in our ceremony! i totally agree with you - marriage is definitely about the work you both put into it.
i’ve never pondered if there was someone better. =)
That’s a great post. I second that!
amen sista
omgosh! I LOVE IT! You’re so right! You said what I can’t put into words! I should show this to my mother! =o)
that’s awesome! well said - i agree completely! * cheers to that *
That was really beautifully said, and so true. It’s that commitment that is sadly missing from so many relationships/marriages. As time passes, a marriage becomes more lovely and intricate as you go through things together, and as you learn the quirks in each other’s personalities. Some moments are really hard, but my love for my husband gets deeper still after we talk through it.
beautifully said. I agree completely.
i hear ya!
good words!!! definitely~!
that’s exactly what i tell my mom over and over…. i even had to threaten her to try and find a”better” guy for me herself cuz i’m not looking anymore.
That’s exactly how I feel but you said it better than I could. =)
I have no doubt with an attitude like that you and your hubby to be will make the perfect team. =)
sniff. you hit the bullseye… =)
that was really beautifu and sounds like you are way mature than most ppl who get married later in life. rock on.
Bravo! Thank you so much for that post. It’s the most inspirational thing I’ve read in a very long time.
me agree!
the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side…
sometimes, one has to learn to be contented. 
all the best! heheh.
what people fail to realize is that marriage isnt always about just love and romance. if it were, then no marriage would last (hence the 50% divorce rate in this country). its about having the same values, the same morals, same goals in life, and the same commitment and dedication to working at the marriage.
i think its wonderful that you’ve found someone who is all those things for you, and vice versa. as for your friend - perhaps she’s jealous, perhaps she just hasnt found the right person to even imagine what true companionship and security feels like. dont waste your time trying to convince her that what you are doing is right - instead, hope that she will one day find someone so that she can understand that age has nothing to do with it.
SO well said! My mom had told me similar things before… “oh, maybe you shouldn’t settle down because there might be someone better out there”. My response, “OF COURSE there is someone better out there. There ALWAYS is, and there always be. But when does the search end if that’s the mentality? Never! So does that mean we all should never be involved in serious relationships?” I know there is someone “better” out there, a guy who is taller, more handsome, more built, sings/dances better, etc. But I don’t think there is anyone who UNDERSTANDS me better, who is more willing to work together with me to make sure we have the most wonderful relationship possible. 
What a great post you wrote!
I thought that I would point out that this advice not only pertains to the skeptical friends of brides-to-be, to also for brides themselves.
There have been many discouraging times in my relationship that I’ve almost given up and decided it would be easier to just find someone else (i.e., someone who would do things this way rather than that way, etc). It seemed like a simpler approach to end the disagreement. Even still, I could never imagine life without my significant other.
Now, if any negative thoughts ever enter my head again, I can read back to this post and convince myself that building and working together in a relationship is not always the easiest approach, but it’s the one that will reap the best rewards.
I totally agree with you, it is such a touching post. Congratulations!
Just reading this now, but I still found it incredibly touching, and I totally agree!
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