Weddingbee Blog

http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtenthingsyoungadults.htm

I think living with someone before getting married is a great idea. You need to know if you are compatible. My bf asked my parents for their permission, and presented it as “We will live together for one year and if that year is good, I promise to propose shortly afterwards- a premarriage.” My parents were wary at first, but now they trust him and I trust him even more- and we really will be like family once we tie the knot. (Our year is up in July!)

I always think this statistic about couples who live together before marriage are more like to get divorced is funny because they never mention how many marriages were saved because a couple lived together. For instance, a couple who lived together and realized they were not compatable and therefore never got married in the first place.

Not saying that everyone should live together but here is an argument stronger than “messiness”. My coworker dated her husband for 6 years and were married for less than 7 months before filing for divorce. The reason: he has a a temper issue and liked to throw his wife against the wall. He didn’t display this behavior while they were dating and this only came out when they were married and lived together. This is one obstacle that she couldn’t get over (he did not want to go for therapy).

Another tidbid that goes doesn’t support the argument, two couples I know got married without living together first and both are divorced. Maybe statistics are different in Canada.

I think a different focus should be placed on living together and that might improve the statistics as far as living together and marriage– I think living together is truly a great way to start working through things, adjusting, and learning more about your partner (including those things that you mjight not see during regular dating). And I truly think it is a wise idea where couples are committed to each other enough to be considering marriage. But I think it tends to get messy and living together is not so hot when the couple chooses that option for convenience rather than their level of committment to each other…. ever try sorting out stuff from a bad breakup when you share a home? It’s as nasty and emotional as a divorce. I guess my point is that the statistics are skewed– but it’s because too little seriousness or sense of committment is generally given to the idea of living together to begin with.