The Forbidden Question

Originally Mr. Bee and I were going to get married in Los Angeles while we were living and planning the wedding from New York. The first area of business we had to decide was the budget. Based on the number of guests we were having, factoring in a full-time wedding planner, and what my friends had spent on their weddings, I came up with a general number - $40,000.

But I really had no idea how to set a budget at the time so I visited messageboards and asked other brides what a reasonable number for the Los Angeles area was. Let me tell you — those girls were mean, mean, mean. They scoffed at my budget and listed how much they were getting done for half that amount, a quarter of that amount, a tenth of that amount. They made me feel horrible, and to tell you the truth it kind of turned me off to messageboards for awhile.

I don’t think having a bigger budget necessarily translates into a better wedding, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a big budget either. All that matters is that the couple is happy and in love and that the guests have fun - that’s the formula for a successful wedding.

And now for the forbidden question…

12 Responses to “The Forbidden Question”

Leah says:

A couple of my friends have gotten engaged this year and they all planned on spending less than $20K. Sadly, I was one of those girls who thought “Wow, $20K isn’t going to get you much!” I mean you figure and open bar is around $2K alone, plus dinner is at least $50 per head with an average of 100 guests? What about everything else? Flowers, entertainment, dresses, etc. Wow.

I was even more astonished by my friends who budgeted $10K. But what I really learned from them is that in the end, it’s not about lavish banquets or extravagant embellishments, you could serve tacos off a taco cart (which one of the weddings actually did) and as long as everyone has a good time, that’s all that matters right?

But then again, I’d budget over $20K. Lol.

5/26/06 at 12:30 pm (reply)

sweetpea says:

i think it’s silly that people would judge what others are budgeting for their wedding, whether it’s too low, or too high. there are so many factors that go into creating a wedding budget that it’s really not worth comparing.

5/26/06 at 12:36 pm (reply)

sweetpea says:

Question: Do people include the cost of the honeymoon when quoting their wedding budgets?

5/26/06 at 12:37 pm (reply)

Jen says:

Along the lines of what sweetpea asked, is jewelry included also? If so, just the wedding rings or the engagement ring also?

5/26/06 at 12:59 pm (reply)

Beth says:

The comment about the message boards brings up a problem I’ve had. My mother (who is overzealous in her planning but means well) has posted a couple questions on wedding site message boards and has had her head chewed off. That’s really turned me off, even though there are probably great friends and ideas to be had. What’s the best way to approach the boards? Are some boards better/nicer than others?

5/26/06 at 1:19 pm (reply)

Lilcee says:

I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes the boards can be a bit snarky. But so far I’ve had good experience and you shouldn’t let a couple of brides ruin your experience on the boards. There are some girls out there who are just as helpful.

5/26/06 at 1:44 pm (reply)

Twistie says:

My wedding ended up costing under $2,500 (Yes, that’s twenty-five HUNDRED dollars), but then my dream wedding was more or less a picnic in the woods, and my beloved and I were on a tight budget. We could have spent less. We could have spent a little more, though not much!

But that’s the important formula: the intersection of your wedding dreams and how much money you have to draw on to make it happen.

If you’ve got $40,000 to play with, and it will get you what you want, then that’s your decision, and good on you. Go for it!

As far as I’m concerned, the only reasons to budget low are because (a) you don’t want all the fuss and trimmings or (b) you can’t afford more.

Don’t let a couple snarky comments make you feel bad about your wedding. Maybe they’re just jealous because they don’t have the generous budget available to them that you have. Your wedding budget is between you, your fiance, your banker, and (if they’re contributing) your parents.

I wouldn’t trade the memories of my budget wedding for anything, but I know not all brides are as casual as I am. Some (most) have more bucks to use in planning their big bash. The important thing is that you make YOUR wedding dreams come true. Have your bash, and I’ll join you in blowing raspberries at those who object.

5/26/06 at 2:03 pm (reply)

dingbatkim says:

our budget is $25k - a combined amount that both sets of parents are giving to us to pay for the wedding. FI says that we need to stick to the budget but so far, we’re running over. more than likely it’ll probably be around $35-40k. and to be honest, i really dont’ care what we spend b/c i know it’s a one-time deal and i’m willing to spend the $$ to make it special. if ppl think i’m wasting $$ i could care less.

5/26/06 at 2:06 pm (reply)

fossie says:

i think the important thing is not how much you spend but how you manage to make the wedding meaningful to you. you can have the fanciest or cheapest wedding, but if the love is not there — it’s not fun for the guests to watch!

but yeah, i don’t like people judging me for how much or how little i spend.

5/26/06 at 2:17 pm (reply)

10.

K says:

why were they mean about your budget? i thought 30-40,000 was the average wedding cost these days?? and even if it wasn’t, it’s lame that they would attack you for spending that amount.

5/26/06 at 3:03 pm (reply)

11.

Miss Caterpillar says:

You’ll spend what you spend. If the person making comments isn’t your mama or your preacher, they should just butt out!

5/26/06 at 5:49 pm (reply)

12.

Weddingbee » Blog Archive » Reader Buzz: Budgets says:

[…] in May of 2006, we did a poll on weddingbee reader budgets. The top spot was occupied by the $10,000 - $20,000 bracket, […]

12/20/07 at 6:11 pm (reply)

Weddingbee

Mrs. Bee

May 26th, 2006 @ 12:25 pm by Mrs. Bee

12 Responses to “The Forbidden Question”