Weddingbee Blog

When you buy a birthday present for someone, don’t you usually call them up and say “hey, what do you want for your bday?” And they tell you and you go buy them something. No one thinks this is such a great burden, why is it a problem for wedding guests to call/email the bride or a family member and ask for the registry? You don’t demand gifts on your birthday or any other event, what’s different about a wedding that makes it suddenly ok to not only say “hey, buy me things” but “here’s exactly what you should get?”

It’s a common misconception that a registry is a way of demanding particular gifts. That isn’t the actual function. People are free to use the registry to help them find something the bride and groom really want or need specifically, but there is no obligation whatsover to use the registry. A wedding does not actually obligate the guest to provide a gift at all, though it is generally expected and most of us would never, ever consider showing up to a wedding without either sending a gift beforehand or lugging it with us to the site. Choosing to give a gift is considered an act of kindness and generosity on the part of the giver, whatever is given.

When I got married, we got a lovely assortment of things we’d registered for and things that made our friends and families think of us. It was terrific! We ended up with the cookwear and flatwear and towels we needed, and some beautiful art pieces we love, and some fun things we would never have imagined. What makes these gifts meaningful to us isn’t whether or not they were things we’d registered for, but the thought and care that went into each choice and the love represented by gifts ranging from a pair of placemats from an import store, to the ten-piece set of professional-grade cookwear, to the heirloom silver berry spoon, to the original painting a friend did for us.

Registering does make life easier for many guests, but it doesn’t restrict other guests to choosing what you’ve decided you need. Putting registry information in your invitation is what turns a helpful set of hints into a crass demand for gifts. It makes it look as though you’re more concerned with the gift haul than having your friends and family share your joy at your wedding.