Mrs. Spider, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Paralegal
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Advisor Research
Engagement Date: December 30, 2005
Wedding Date: October 2006
Venue: Jericho Terrace - Long Island, NY
About Me: My favorite parts of wedding planning are DIY projects and figuring out ways to incorporate old traditions into a modern affair.
It takes two…
May 31st, 2006 @ 5:10 pm by Mrs. Spider
Seriously, wedding planning is a one woman endeavor. If you’re lucky, you have a supportive BM or maybe a supportive Mom who helps you along the way, but it seems that you cannot, should not and will not be able to rely on the groom to plan anything.
Why is that? Men possess the ability to plan - that is not the question. Men hold down jobs, research flat screen TVs, IPODs, fancy bicycles, even BBQ grills on the Internet but inevitably they REFUSE to help you with any of the WEDDING planning.
Let’s take a moment to redefine help in the context of wedding planning. HELP does not mean: i) driving you to see vendors; ii) putting away your wedding magazines; iii) nodding his head, mmHmm-ing or any other non-active affirmative response; iv) interjecting uneducated opinions about issues already researched and resolved OR v) planning his own bachelor party.
HELP means starting AND finishing ANY particular aspect of the wedding. Grooms shouldn’t be like that temp admin assistant who comes to the office Tuesday and Thursday mornings to open mail and change the printer toner. I think it boils down to the simple fact that Grooms do not care about the details of wedding planning. If it were up to them, everyone would get married at City Hall and then head to the nearest Hooters for wings.
It is SO frustrating to be the single proprietor of a wedding that involves two people. So frustrating to be the only timekeeper, the only one hitting the Internet before, during and after work. Is this a bad day? Yes. Am I talking about Mr. Spider? Yes. Do I still love him and want to marry him and spend the rest of my life getting frustrated with him? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Feel free to share your own stories (or the stories of others)~!
10 Responses to “It takes two…”
I feel exactly the same way!
The thing is, I think my fiancee cares about the wedding. At least he will that day. He will want it to be really nice, so his family and friends will be impressed. But I think he worries that he will screw something up. I also think he trusts my opinion on things, and because he thinks I know best–he just stays out of it.
Still, when I give him a project (like maps), I wish he would complete the darn job! He knows I will pick up his dropped ball, so he doesn’t concern himself with any details.
But it is SO true that he will research a floor tile for our new house for hours, and knows exactly what TV we will be purchasing.
I sort of enjoy hogging all of the wedding planning. =oP Although it can be frustrating when he doesn’t appreciate all of my efforts. But usually he is extremely grateful that I am happy to take care of all the wedding-related details.
i’m very lucky. My fiance likes helping w/the planning. He actually enjoy it. I hope that doesn’t change :-).
Well put — I totally agree! My fiance thinks driving me everywhere is considered helping. In fact, he insists on driving, even when I’m perfectly capable of getting there on my own. I’m not asking him to do stuff like help me pick out makeup artists but come on, how hard is it to handle choosing the entertainment? Or would it kill him to have an opinion on the wedding ring that he’ll be wearing for the rest of his life? He’ll settle for something rather than look for what’s best for us in our price range yet he has no problems spending hours researching the latest gadgets and watches. And I would’ve been fine with going to City Hall but he didn’t want to!!
my fiance thinks coming to vendor meetings is helping. every time we get into this argument, he’s always saying how much he’s helped, and i just look at him like, “what the hell are you talking about?” no, men cannot help because they do not understand weddings. and even if he didnt help, i wish he’d at least be a little more enthusiastic whenever i accomplish something off of my HUGE list of to-do’s! one day i got to cross off both the DJ and the string quartet, and he barely even noticed what i was saying. ugh~.
i think you should just force it on him.
Its true that my fiancee feels a little insecure about tackling an aspect of wedding plans by himself. But I think that may partly be my fault as well… The women in my family tend to be VERY aggressive bargin hunters myself included, and I am very aware that to my fiancee, bargaining is a form of torture. So I gave him the job of researching wines and champagnes. So for 3-4 months he became obssessed about wine. Reading about them, tasting them… and he has found some incredible wine at amazingly low prices! Yay! I’m so proud *sniff*
I JUST KNEW there would be other brides out there going through the same thing. I totally agree with Andi re: enthusiasm, Mary re: dropped ball; and R re: driving. And for you ladies with active grooms - LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY~!
I agree. I’m the planning guru and enjoy it, so I can’t complain too much. However, this one really got me — he says he wants to register for golf clubs or power tools — and he doesn’t golf or know how to use a hammer!
i was very lucky to have a hubby that helped with EVERY step of the planning 
I got a bit spoiled watching the couples around me. A lot of the guys were very involved in the planning of their weddings. My guy? Didn’t get it. I spent several months smacking my head against the wall before I finally sat down and asked him why he failed to have an opinion on anything at all.
He said there were exactly three things he cared about with the wedding: that there was plenty of food so nobody went home hungry, that there was good live music, and that, at the end of the day, he was married to me.
I was disappointed, but at least then I knew his indifference to all the planning was simply about his…utter indifference to how our wedding happened as long as it did. Luckily, I had plenty of time and plenty of help from other avenues. To this day I don’t think he understands that I really honestly DID want his opinion on those sample ceremonies I shoved under his nose. It DID matter to me what was said that day and how it was said. But I did stop trying to force the issue when I realized it was only going to lead to ulcers for me.
Vent, accept, move on. It’s a mantra that allowed me to plan my wedding without cancelling it due to the groom’s untimely funeral.
OTOH, we’re celebrating thirteen years of blissful marriage with amazingly few arguments and lots of cooperation in just under two weeks. How your guy handles this isn’t really a clear measure of how he’s going to handle other cooperative ventures in life!
