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Miss Beetle,
I read Mrs. Bee’s entry last week on early bird brides, and I have a confession to make: I am one!
My bf and I have been dating for 3.5 years, and we just bought a house in the fall. A few months ago, he asked me if I would like to be involved in the ring selection process. We had talked about getting engaged before we moved in together, so I wasn’t caught totally off guard. We even talked about the timeline - during the school year, I balance grad school with my full-time job, so it would be easiest to do most of the planning during the summer.
So I went to a few jewelry stores, and tried some things on. I guess you could say that I picked out my own ring! Since then, I have been lurking online on a few wedding blogs and wedding message boards. (Well, before then really, if I’m being honest.) I know that he did something ring-related last week, since he called to ask my size. And in what might have been a moment of weakness, he told me that “something” was happening this week.
My question to you is how much pre-planning is too much? I don’t want to suck the fun out of being engaged.
Chrissie
Lexington, KY
~~~
Dear Early Bird,
We are a kindred spirit. I had stacks of “bridal porn” hidden underneath my bed long before I had any bling on my finger–a girl’s gotta plan ahead, right? That’s what I told myself, at least. Forget about Brad and Angelina. I was hooked on Preston Bailey and Carolina Herrera. I was so immersed in everything bridal, I actually started my own bridal biz!
Anyway, I was in a very similar situation to yours, and my engagement still managed to be a total surprise. After visiting with our diamond guy and choosing my ring and my setting, I completely and totally just let the thought of it go. I forgot about it. Completely put it out of my mind. This may sound easier said than done, but you should be in the most relaxed state of mind there is right now. You’ve got your guy… got a gorgeous sparkler on the way and you know this engagement will be coming. If it comes in 2 weeks or two months, it’s still comin’, so try to relax and forget about it for the time being. If you are analyzing every phone call, putting on mascara and straightening your hair to go get coffee in the morn or second guessing every “hey let’s grab a bite to eat” your fiance offers, that does suck a bit of the fun out of it all, don’t you agree?
You’re a super duper lucky girl. So just forget about everything for now, relax, enjoy your time with your guy and make sure you’ve always got some lip gloss within easy reach. That’s about as much planning as I would recommend at this point.
Good luck Ms. Early Bird bride-to-be!
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com
good advice about trying to put it out of your head… i, too, had some pre-engagement ring input, but was still shocked and surprised at the actual proposal. and i am so glad for that!
You know- I had pre-engagment input (I actually found the ring) and he was out of town when it came in, so I had to go get it (I didn’t open the box) but our “proposal” happened when he got back and I had strawberries and wine on the floor of the apartment and we sat there and talked about how excited we were and opened the box together. And I wouldn’t give up that time and moment with him for anything. Not a proposal in Paris or a complete surprise. I think that however it happens, it means that you love each other and you get to marry him…and that’s what matters about the proposal whether it is a surprise or not.
What a great question! I’m in the exact same situation… but trying to remember to relax and enjoy being a gf, before I become overwhelmed with wedding stuff. Congrats!
HAHAHAHA “bridal porn,” I gotta adopt that in my vocab. I got a stack of those- and I am not engaged. =P
Yeah, I keep mine under my “stash” under my bed too so I don’t freak the boyfriend out. Its nice to know other people are feeling the same way about anticipation. I am HUGE on surprises, so I really don’t want to be waiting for a proposal. Thanks for the advice on getting it out of your head, I’m trying!
Thanks for the feedback, Miss Beetle! (And everyone else). Good to know I am not the only one in this position 
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Mrs. Beetle, New York/Palm Desert About: Mrs. Beetle previously wrote our weekly advice column. She got married in October 2006, and is currently guest blogging.
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