Wedding Blog

Going to twice the trouble is silly. Asking people who have no relation to you to pay is greedy. Do you have to advertise the sponsers at your wedding? Would I really want to go to a lovely wedding and see ads for services in the program? Or, worse yet, company logos on the tables? Beyond tacky.

Practical is taking an honest look at how much money you have available and prioritizing accordingly. Yes, you want to look and feel like a princess on your wedding day. Yes, you want to throw a good party. The thing is, you don’t have to break the bank to do have fun. You don’t have to outdo Madonna to be sparkly and gorgeous on your big day.

A couple I know and love had one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to last year. The total cost of the day? $500. No, I didn’t miss a couple zeroes. Five. Hundred. Dollars.

The ceremony was held in his parents backyard, the reception in the living room. The food was provided by the bride, the groom, and the groom’s father…and a good friend who made his famous chicken teriyaki because that’s what he does when people around him celebrate. The ceremony was performed gratis by the groom’s brother. The music was a mix of tunes on a cd created lovingly by my brother.

Was there top of the line champagne? No, but the groom’s parents sprang for one or two good bottles, and most of the guests weren’t big drinkers. Did the bride wear Vera Wang? No, but she looked gorgeous in a forest green velvet medieval-style gown she bought off the internet. What’s more, it matched the Shrek and Fiona cake toppers!

There were no guest favors, no large floral arrangements, no designer apparel. That didn’t matter. What mattered was that there was joy and loving support for a wonderful couple who had overcome all manner of obstacles to reach that day. A new family was created in an atmosphere of true happiness.

That’s what a wedding is all about: creating a family. It’s not about what you wear or what you serve your guests for dinner or whether you arrive at the ceremony in a stretch limo or horse-drawn carriage. It’s about the love you share for one another and for your family and friends.

If you’ve got the bucks to try to outdo Donald Trump’s latest trip down the aisle, be my guest and do so. But if you’re on a beer budget and have champagne tastes, you need to prioritize and not worry about what someone with the world to spend can have. Concentrate on what you can have. Be creative. Hunt down bargains. Do some DIY. But in the end, just accept that you have a budget and you need to deal with that budget.

Hell, thirteen years ago my picnic in the woods wedding set us back just about $2000. Through thoughtful planning and careful research and a bit of hands-on work from me and mine, I had: a pure silk, custom-designed gown trimmed with handmade lace, a live band, groaning tables of food, and the best damn party a lot of people had been to in years. They’re still talking about it. It was a tight budget wedding then, and I probably would have to spend more like five or six thousand now to get the same results.

OTOH, there were places we could have cut back a little more. I used the budget I had. We didn’t go into debt, and we didn’t ask for handouts. The things that meant the most in the end were mostly things that cost us nothing or next to it, too. The ceremony we wrote, for instance, didn’t cost a cent. I borrowed two books from the library and used them to help me write it. My husband slipped my late mother’s wedding ring on my finger that day. A friend wrote us a poem, which he recited at the reception in both English and Gaelic, that brought tears to more than one pair of eyes.

Oh, and I’m proud to say that not one person walked away hungry from our reception!

What’s more, we did it ourselves. Our families were supportive and helpful, but we didn’t take a red cent from anyone. It was our first social statement as a couple, and it was fantastic, and we don’t owe it to anyone but us.