An Apology
June 30th, 2006 @ 12:15 am by Mrs. Spider
I am the said second person with the SUPER MEAN comments. I’m sorry they were hurtful and I’ll be more sensitive in the future. I actually noticed the post was taken down and felt badly about that. My response was vehement because I felt the tone of your post did not seem to be fully aware of how all this may come off sounding - it seemed like you were flaunting what you were doing, despite acknowledging it wasn’t entirely “proper” (the Emily or Peggy Post comment). Now I know that’s now how it was meant at all.
Please accept my apologies. And I’m sorry my carelessly mean post will prevent you from posting about these issues in the future. I’ll keep a tighter rein on my comments from now on and only post when positive.
Oh, and to your supportive fans (and I’m very much a fan actually - probably why I responded so strongly - I especially love when you, Miss Spider, post inspirational pictures as you have wonderful taste), like I said, I didn’t intend to be mean. I only wish I saw this post earlier to apologize sooner, because looking at some of these posts (OUCH), you guys can be pretty mean, too. So, I hope we have peace and forgiveness?
~~~
It takes a lot of guts to own up to posting that intial comment, I give this girl props for coming forward and for apologizing. I also give props to my supporters who came on strong to show that the weddingbee community has zero tolerance for antagonists. That being said, since the above poster is also a part of the weddingbee community I think we should all accept her apology and move on.
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9 Responses to “An Apology”
Wasn’t there a post a long time ago about message boards, and how people tend to be mean on them? Same thing goes for blogs too. I think inflection is hard to write and read, when it can be easily understood in a normal conversations. So a lot of times things can veer in a different direction than was originally intended. This is usually why I try to keep my comments pretty light.
I found this page just recently and I really enjoy the tips and advice, I think the page is great and a lot of fun. Having said that, I remember reading the original post and comments and am glad to see Mrs. Bee’s comment here because my first response to the fuss was “So we’re only allowed to comment when we agree or adore the writer?”
I agree that the comments were harsh, but you have to allow for the ambiguity of the tone of the original post - when the writer’s a stranger, it’s not always easy to know the intent. The post could have been interpreted as tongue in cheek or as being slightly cavalier about the guests and their spending.
And as Mrs. Bee pointed out, I thought the attacks on the commenters were harsh - in fact far harsher and more personal than the critical comments themselves. I don’t think anyone has been entirely blameless here.
What was the original post on?
Simply, I love Wedding Bee. 
I remember when Miss Caterpillar posted about doubting her very expensive dress and pining over the MorganLeFay… A reader commented something like “You spent $x000 on a ‘just okay’ dress in the first place?! Puh-lease! Gimme a break”
When I read it, i thought “Ouch!”… But it was her honest opinion and I could see where she was coming from (but only for a split second, as beautiful dresses are a weakness of mine as well). As harsh as it was to a bride pouring her heart out and looking for sympathy, she was entitled to her opinion… and sometimes we need to be shaken up with a different perspective to develop a better understanding.
yaY!!
I agree with Miss Ant. Sometimes, even though we like our opinions, we need to be prepared for people who strongly disagree. Especially in a wedding. you might not think you’re overreacting to something until a stranger shows you a new perspective. Plus, if you try an idea out on the blog, chances are your friends and family will have similar reactions — and its useful to know about those opinions, and be prepared for them, whether or not you plan to take them into consideration.
random comment, but when are you getting your spider picture?
and i hope that weddingbee readers continue to post their honest opinions, they make for interesting reading, and make me think 
Mrs. Spider, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Paralegal
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Advisor Research
Engagement Date: December 30, 2005
Wedding Date: October 2006
Venue: Jericho Terrace - Long Island, NY
About Me: My favorite parts of wedding planning are DIY projects and figuring out ways to incorporate old traditions into a modern affair.
I felt really bad for Miss Spider when I read the negative comments on her registry post yesterday. I know as writers on a public forum we open ourselves up to criticism, but I think because we’re a website, people sometimes forget that we’re real people with real feelings, and mean-spirited comments really do hurt us.
That being said, I don’t want weddingbee to foster an environment where readers are reluctant to criticize or disagree and only comment when they have something positive to say. Of course we’re all entitled to the right to disagree. I just think that there are ways to make someone see your point of view without attacking them personally or in a hurtful manner. After all, you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar (ok I know it’s flies!). =)
After I read the above apology comment, I felt really bad for the reader. I think it was very big of her to come forward and apologize. I do think some of the readers that attacked her were quite harsh, and that wasn’t really fair either. But hopefully we’ve all learned something from this.
From now on, I hope that writers don’t feel like they have to constantly censor themselves, and I hope that readers feel comfortable enough to express conflicting views when they disagree with certain ideas. But I don’t think there’s ever a place for personal or mean-spirited attacks on weddingbee.
I’m very happy to have you both on the site! =)