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I cannot remember for the life of me, if I’ve already mentioned this before.
My wedding party consists of 1 Best Man, 2 Groomsmen, 2 Ushers, 1 Matron of Honor, 1 Bridesmaid, 1 Jr. Bridesmaid, 1 Ring Bearer, and 1 Male Bridesmaid. Yes, a male bridesmaid.
J and I have been friends since our freshman year of college. We were both in Chem 1 at NYU, and we took the same lab. We didn’t really talk to each other much during the first few years. Then we both became officers in the Korean Student Association where we bonded, then became good friends. Our friendship really got solid and strong after we graduated college because both of us were living in NJ, and we both work in the health care field. Even though I don’t see him very often, I still consider him one of my best friends.
So, it made sense for him to be a part of my wedding, standing on my side.
But what do I call him? I can’t call him a “Male Bridesmaid” on my program, and he’s not a groomsman, so what do I do? I’ve been researching this, and apparently there is an etiquette for this type of situation! (Thank goodness for the Internet!)
On this website, the proper way to address a male bridesmaid is to call him a “bride’s attendant.” However, the proper way to address a male MOH is to call him a “bride’s honor attendant.” I know he’s not my MOH, but I really like the sound of “honor attendant” better than “bride’s attendant.”
What do you think?
Can you call him a “Man of Honor” or a “Bridesman”? That’s what I offered my buddy Will, but he’d rather sit in the audience and try to pick up my friends.
I’d go with bridesman… just like groomsman. 
Yeah, I like bridesman best too! Clearly conveys what role he is, unlike “bride’s attendant” where most people would have no idea what it’s intended to mean. I think the “honor” should be reserved for the best man or MOH roles…but if you wanted him to co-honor-attend (??) with your MOH you could call him an honor attendant too!
I vote for bridesman, too–it sounds less ambiguous than “bride’s attendant.” That’s actually the designation I’m giving my close friends who aren’t goign t obe standing at the front of the ceremony w/ me–I’m only having one BM, who’s my MOH, so my other friends are going to be “honor attendants” and help with things like the cake serving, guest book, ushering, etc. To me, “bride’s attendant” implies somethign like that instead of “an attendant who’s male.”
If I were in a wedding for a girl friend, I would *definitely* want to be called a Groomsman. If I was to be a bridesman, it would be very very hard for me to agree to be in the wedding!
Definitely bridesman.
We had a woman on my hubby’s side and I referred to her as our “groomsmaid” or “groomsmatron” when I would remember that she was married.
love it… but if i were the guy… i might feel a lil’ embarrased standing up on the alter on the girls side… did you talk to him about that yet?
i love the idea… and plus… it’s YOUR wedding so you DO whatever you WANT to do
Lucky! I wanted Marcus Aurelius to be my bridesman, but he flat out refused. So, now he’s head usher. Little does he know that head usher has about a billion more things to do than a bridesman.
Nanners, I saw that and my head made “groomsmatron” as “Grooms-Ma-tron”, like an animatron. I am so lame.
Maybe you should take the advice of John…after all, he’s a guy and he might be able to identify with what your friend would feel about being called a “bridesman”. Or…you could ask your friend what he would like his title to be?
I refer to my gay boyfriend as my “James of Honor,” but “Bride’s Honor Attendant” will look a lot better on the program.
A “maid” is an unmarried woman, so what’s the male equivalent to that? Would he be a Brideslad? Bridesfellow? Brides…uh, dude? Nothing really comes to mind.
And if a married woman is a “matron of honor”, is a married man serving in the same role a “patron of honor”? Those words start from the same place (matr=mother, patr=father) but they certainly don’t mean the same thing in day-to-day conversation.
Oh, how complicated we can make things if we only try hard enough…
That’s a hard decision!
I’ve always thought it to be: Bridesman is a male bridesmaid
Man of Honor should be used for a male maid/matron of honor
i’m having a man of honor for mine and he’s extremely honored
and to what John said - a groomsman implies that it is one of the Groom’s men…in this case, the honor is being given by the bride so it doesn’t seem right.
I can see the point that it doesn’t feel right to the bride. I am just sharing my perspective as a man. I would not want to be a bridesman, or stand with the other bridesmaids.
I was in my little sister’s wedding, and stood on the groom’s side. Everyone knew I was the bride’s brother, so it wasn’t a big deal. I think if I had stood with the bridesmaids, it would’ve taken the attention off of the bride and groom? That was a much bigger concern to me than how I was listed in the program.
In any case, just my thoughts here. Your friend should be honoured to be in the wedding either way, and so I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to be involved!
My best friend from college is gay, and when I asked him to be in our wedding, it was with the intention of him standing by my side.
Unfortunately, my fiance is hesitant to even broach the subject with our priest and my future in-laws have taken it for granted that my friend is standing on the groom’s side. However, I think my friend believes (as I did) that he would be next to me. I’m not even sure what to do with this situation anymore. I was surprised when my fiance pointed out that the Catholic Church *might* have a problem with departing from tradition that way.
I’ve been procrastinating telling my friend he will be standing with the groomsmen. I hope this isn’t a big deal.
My female friend was recently asked by her friend to be her “honor attendant” and said yes without really knowing what that meant! We figured out that since the bride is having her brother stand beside her, she is calling him and this friend honor attendants instead of MOH, and the rest of the girls will be bridesmaids.
Why not have everyone be an attendant? In the program you can list:
Bride’s Attendants
* Girlygirl - Honor Attendant
* Fembot
* Macho Man
Groom’s Attendants
* Dude - Honor Attendant
* Tall, dark, and handsome
* Barbarella
And to John - if being called a “bridesman” is so insulting that you might not be able to participate in the wedding, perhaps you should get your head out of the stone age and join us here in the 21st century. Bridesman = man standing up for the bride, just like bridesmaid = maid (woman) standing up for the bride.
I am calling my brother MY Best Man. I am not distiguishing between my bridesmaids, but he doesn’t want to stand right next to me (and fiddle with my train or hold my bouquet). So we will just have two best men - one for me and one for my FI.
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Mrs. Butterfly, New York Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bridezilla in training Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Making me happy by saying "yes dear" to everything related to wedding planning. Engagement Date: February 3, 2006 Wedding Date: November 18, 2006 Venue: Twenty-Four Fifth About Me: Our wedding will be small but fun. I want a whole range of music including cheesy 80's music! But we'll see how that works out��‚��
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