Male Bridesmaid

I cannot remember for the life of me, if I’ve already mentioned this before.

My wedding party consists of 1 Best Man, 2 Groomsmen, 2 Ushers, 1 Matron of Honor, 1 Bridesmaid, 1 Jr. Bridesmaid, 1 Ring Bearer, and 1 Male Bridesmaid. Yes, a male bridesmaid.

J and I have been friends since our freshman year of college. We were both in Chem 1 at NYU, and we took the same lab. We didn’t really talk to each other much during the first few years. Then we both became officers in the Korean Student Association where we bonded, then became good friends. Our friendship really got solid and strong after we graduated college because both of us were living in NJ, and we both work in the health care field. Even though I don’t see him very often, I still consider him one of my best friends.

So, it made sense for him to be a part of my wedding, standing on my side.

But what do I call him? I can’t call him a “Male Bridesmaid” on my program, and he’s not a groomsman, so what do I do? I’ve been researching this, and apparently there is an etiquette for this type of situation! (Thank goodness for the Internet!)

On this website, the proper way to address a male bridesmaid is to call him a “bride’s attendant.” However, the proper way to address a male MOH is to call him a “bride’s honor attendant.” I know he’s not my MOH, but I really like the sound of “honor attendant” better than “bride’s attendant.”

What do you think?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Butterfly

Location:
New York
Wedding Date:
November 2006

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Amber, Guest @ 1:34 pm

    Can you call him a “Man of Honor” or a “Bridesman”? That’s what I offered my buddy Will, but he’d rather sit in the audience and try to pick up my friends.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Monica, Guest @ 1:37 pm

    I’d go with bridesman… just like groomsman. :)

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    Miss Bluebell, Guest @ 1:42 pm

    Yeah, I like bridesman best too! Clearly conveys what role he is, unlike “bride’s attendant” where most people would have no idea what it’s intended to mean. I think the “honor” should be reserved for the best man or MOH roles…but if you wanted him to co-honor-attend (??) with your MOH you could call him an honor attendant too!

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Katie, Guest @ 1:47 pm

    I vote for bridesman, too–it sounds less ambiguous than “bride’s attendant.” That’s actually the designation I’m giving my close friends who aren’t goign t obe standing at the front of the ceremony w/ me–I’m only having one BM, who’s my MOH, so my other friends are going to be “honor attendants” and help with things like the cake serving, guest book, ushering, etc. To me, “bride’s attendant” implies somethign like that instead of “an attendant who’s male.”

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    John, Guest @ 1:50 pm

    If I were in a wedding for a girl friend, I would *definitely* want to be called a Groomsman. If I was to be a bridesman, it would be very very hard for me to agree to be in the wedding!

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Nannersp, Guest @ 1:56 pm

    Definitely bridesman.

    We had a woman on my hubby’s side and I referred to her as our “groomsmaid” or “groomsmatron” when I would remember that she was married. :)

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    kanipark, Guest @ 1:57 pm

    love it… but if i were the guy… i might feel a lil’ embarrased standing up on the alter on the girls side… did you talk to him about that yet?

    i love the idea… and plus… it’s YOUR wedding so you DO whatever you WANT to do :)

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Miss Caterpillar, Guest @ 1:57 pm

    Lucky! I wanted Marcus Aurelius to be my bridesman, but he flat out refused. So, now he’s head usher. Little does he know that head usher has about a billion more things to do than a bridesman.

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    Amber, Guest @ 1:59 pm

    Nanners, I saw that and my head made “groomsmatron” as “Grooms-Ma-tron”, like an animatron. I am so lame.

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    JL, Guest @ 2:06 pm

    Maybe you should take the advice of John…after all, he’s a guy and he might be able to identify with what your friend would feel about being called a “bridesman”. Or…you could ask your friend what he would like his title to be?

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    spasticantelope, Guest @ 2:11 pm

    I refer to my gay boyfriend as my “James of Honor,” but “Bride’s Honor Attendant” will look a lot better on the program.

    A “maid” is an unmarried woman, so what’s the male equivalent to that? Would he be a Brideslad? Bridesfellow? Brides…uh, dude? Nothing really comes to mind.

    And if a married woman is a “matron of honor”, is a married man serving in the same role a “patron of honor”? Those words start from the same place (matr=mother, patr=father) but they certainly don’t mean the same thing in day-to-day conversation.

    Oh, how complicated we can make things if we only try hard enough…

  12. Guest Icon Guest
    K, Guest @ 2:16 pm

    That’s a hard decision!

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    stefanie, Guest @ 2:20 pm

    I’ve always thought it to be: Bridesman is a male bridesmaid
    Man of Honor should be used for a male maid/matron of honor

    i’m having a man of honor for mine and he’s extremely honored :)

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    stefanie, Guest @ 2:21 pm

    and to what John said – a groomsman implies that it is one of the Groom’s men…in this case, the honor is being given by the bride so it doesn’t seem right.

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    John, Guest @ 2:29 pm

    I can see the point that it doesn’t feel right to the bride. I am just sharing my perspective as a man. I would not want to be a bridesman, or stand with the other bridesmaids.

    I was in my little sister’s wedding, and stood on the groom’s side. Everyone knew I was the bride’s brother, so it wasn’t a big deal. I think if I had stood with the bridesmaids, it would’ve taken the attention off of the bride and groom? That was a much bigger concern to me than how I was listed in the program.

    In any case, just my thoughts here. Your friend should be honoured to be in the wedding either way, and so I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to be involved!

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    D, Guest @ 2:58 pm

    My best friend from college is gay, and when I asked him to be in our wedding, it was with the intention of him standing by my side.

    Unfortunately, my fiance is hesitant to even broach the subject with our priest and my future in-laws have taken it for granted that my friend is standing on the groom’s side. However, I think my friend believes (as I did) that he would be next to me. I’m not even sure what to do with this situation anymore. I was surprised when my fiance pointed out that the Catholic Church *might* have a problem with departing from tradition that way.

    I’ve been procrastinating telling my friend he will be standing with the groomsmen. I hope this isn’t a big deal.

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    angie, Guest @ 3:00 pm

    i’d go with bridesman. it’s your wedding so you can call him whatever you want!!

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    Beth, Guest @ 3:02 pm

    My female friend was recently asked by her friend to be her “honor attendant” and said yes without really knowing what that meant! We figured out that since the bride is having her brother stand beside her, she is calling him and this friend honor attendants instead of MOH, and the rest of the girls will be bridesmaids.

  19. Guest Icon Guest
    Style Graduate, Guest @ 3:06 pm

    Why not have everyone be an attendant? In the program you can list:

    Bride’s Attendants
    * Girlygirl – Honor Attendant
    * Fembot
    * Macho Man

    Groom’s Attendants
    * Dude – Honor Attendant
    * Tall, dark, and handsome
    * Barbarella

    And to John – if being called a “bridesman” is so insulting that you might not be able to participate in the wedding, perhaps you should get your head out of the stone age and join us here in the 21st century. Bridesman = man standing up for the bride, just like bridesmaid = maid (woman) standing up for the bride.

  20. Guest Icon Guest
    gji7, Guest @ 3:10 pm

    I am calling my brother MY Best Man. I am not distiguishing between my bridesmaids, but he doesn’t want to stand right next to me (and fiddle with my train or hold my bouquet). So we will just have two best men – one for me and one for my FI.

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    a, Guest @ 3:34 pm

    We have a best ma’am for our wedding (this may or may not go in the program. likely it will) who is the groom’s only sibling (sister) and his “best man.” I have a Matron of Honor (my only sister). All other wedding party folks will be listed under “Attendants” not Bridesmaids (half are married anyway!) or Groomsmen.

    I was in a wedding earlier this summer where there were (i think?) somewhat even numbers of guys and girls, and we stood on either side of the bride and groom in boy/girl order — so the two of them were flanked by their collective close friends, all mixed together. We were all “attendants” i believe.

    Instead, it could be “Wedding Party” though that usually means the bride/groom/officient/parents/grandparents, too, doesn’t it? Hm.

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    J, Guest @ 4:17 pm

    I like the idea “bridesman”. To me, “attendant” is someone who is honored to help out at the event but is not standing next to the bride (or the groom) at the cermeony (and sitting with you @ the head table if there is one.) So if he’s going to stand by you, I think Bridesman is more appropriate. But you know, it’s really your wedding. You can call him whatever YOU think is appropriate. Let us know your decision!

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    c~, Guest @ 5:31 pm

    I say it’s perfectly fine for you to call him a “honor attendent”. The fact that you guys share this special friendship already calls for a ‘honorable’ mention. I personally don’t see anything wrong w/ the word “attendant”. Everyone in the wedding party is suppose to “attend” to the bride and groom. The purpose is not to just stand next to you, but to share w/ you the special day and to “attend” to your needs during the day. (I’ve been a part of many weddings and this is my honest opinion.)

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    marilyn, Guest @ 10:40 pm

    I have to agree with John.
    Bridesman …..NOT !
    I’d go with bride’s attendant.

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    Charlie, Guest @ 4:24 pm

    I’ve been given the role of bridesmen at my friend wendys wedding, although personally i prefer the term ‘bodyguard’

  26. Guest Icon Guest
    Travis, Guest @ 2:07 pm

    My fiancee wants a male attendant. I have no problem with it. I just need to know how to organize the ceremony and the procesison of people? My attendants are all male, she wants one of her attendants to be male.

    Does the male bridesman walk alone and have the last groomsman walk alone? If yes, who goes first?

    Can they each walk with one of the flower girls? We have 2.

    What do you do here?

  27. Guest Icon Guest
    Donna, Guest @ 2:44 pm

    I’m going with “Bride’s Honour Attendant” for my brother- this is just my opinion, but I kind of think “Bridesman” or “Man of Honour” sound just a little too cutesy. The title should be as dignified as for the opposite gender.

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    Becca, Guest @ 2:58 pm

    I’ve been reading through all these posts trying to find what Travis finally said, except I need an answer as well!

    I want my male best friend to be a bridesman. I don’t really care what he’s called, and I’m sure he doesn’t care either. What I need to know is how he gets from the back of the church to the front, except I so far don’t have flower girls, just 2 ringbearers. I have lots of men in my life! :)

    Any advice from anyone would be appreciated!

  29. Guest Icon Guest
    Katie, Guest @ 3:57 pm

    It’s your wedding, you can do whatever you’d like. You can have just a maid of honor and everyone else bridesmaids/men, you can name them all honor attendents and cut out the “bests”, you could have a maid of honor and matron of honor, etc.

    As for me, I’ll likely have all three – a maid of honor, matron of honor, and man of honor, because I have three very close friends that I want to put in those positions. Again, it’s your day – do whatever makes you happiest! :)

  30. Guest Icon Guest
    Eliza Parminder Nishida, Guest @ 2:46 pm

    Any bride out there who doesn’t know what to call a male friend standing on your side should just ask him. If it was me, I would want to be called a bridesmaid since that is my role. If my friend wanted me to dress like the other bridesmaids I would because it’s to honor her.

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    Calvin, Guest @ 4:24 pm

    I’m in the same situation as J, and my official title for the program is “Bridal Attendant.” What are you doing in terms of dress for that day? we’re trying to come up with some ideas.

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    Jean, Guest @ 9:58 am

    I don’t know why people are still answering on this topic, as the question was in 2006 and may be they are already divorced !
    I am a man but if any close (girl) friend asks me to be her bridesman or bridesmaid I will be very honoured and will accept it from the heart.
    And I will be named how she wants it and will be dressed how she wants it. If she wants me to be her bridesman in a tuxedo or in a t-shirt, I will do. And if she wants me to be her bridesmaid in a simple skirt or wearing the same bridesmaid or evening dress as the other bridesmaids, I surely also will do.

  33. Guest Icon Guest
    Lindse, Guest @ 1:11 pm

    We are in the planning stages, and I will be having a man stand by my side. Haven’t totally decided yet what we’ll be calling the position. I’ve come up with a few ideas, but I will also be asking him what he prefers. As for dress attire. He’ll be wearing a tux with a vest that matches the girls’ dresses. We are also just going to have two of the guys walk down the isle together. They’ll just walk together with their hands clasped in front of them.

  34. Guest Icon Guest
    Clint, Guest @ 10:23 pm

    It maters not to me what the title is called. Brides attendant is good,Bridal Attendant is good. I wish that some lady would ask me to be in that place of honor and yes I would gladly wear what the rest of the maids were wearing, what ever style of dress there were wearing. I would have no problem with that. Just my two cents worth.

  35. Guest Icon Guest
    diana, Guest @ 8:12 am

    love it! thumps up to you XD

  36. Guest Icon Guest
    julie, Guest @ 8:16 pm

    I appreciate that people are still answering this question. It’s 2012 now, and this is now a situation I find myself in. I’m 46, getting remarried, and I want my only son-age19- to stand up next to me. He’s getting some negative comments from his friends. I just want to get it right, for both of us.

  37. Guest Icon Guest
    Charlie, Guest @ 10:14 am

    I was in my best girlfriends wedding. We had been friends sense we were little kids hell we even made out one summer in highschool a few times lol. but When she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and then said if I felt uncomfortable I could stand on the other side as a groomsman I refused and said I WOULD love to be one of her bridesmaids. I went to all the bridal parties and did everything with the other bridesmaids and the bride. I was listed in the program as a bridesmaid and wore a suit that matched the girl even carried flowers. I did not feel demasculated in anyway. In fact i loved being there to support my friend in anyway I could because thats what friends are for. Also girls are alot of fun to be around during all this stuff such wonderful energy. thats all I have to say. I did it and I would do it again.

  38. Guest Icon Guest
    Sunflower Bride, Guest @ 10:41 am

    My brother is standing on my side during our wedding. Yes, my brother could easily stand on my FI’s side, but he isn’t as close to my FI as he is to me. I want him on my side to support me. At first he was a little uncomfortable about the idea and said he didn’t care whether he was in the wedding or not. Now, he feels like I asked him because he is important to me and is honored that I think so highly of him to have him stand on my side during one of the most important moments of my life. My sister with be my MOH, I’m having one bridesmaid, and then my brother. My brother will walk out with the rest of the guys and slide over to my side as the ladies walk up to the front of the church. I haven’t decided if I want to call him a bridesman or “the brother of the bride”.

  39. Guest Icon Guest
    Cristina, Guest @ 8:01 pm

    One of my close friends is a guy and he’s going to be on my side. Think I’m going with bridesman. He’s going to wear the same tuxedo as the groomsmen but with a different colored vest and slightly different tie. Also the groomsmen are wearing cowboy boots but he’ll be in shoes.

  40. Guest Icon Guest
    Anna, Guest @ 7:58 pm

    My brother wants to be called ‘the dude’ :)

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