Birth Order & Compatibility

This excerpt from Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, The Birth Order Connection, talks about the most compatible birth order pairings when it comes to relationships.

The Best
-only child and youngest
-first-born and youngest

The Potentially Problematic
-oldest to oldest
-oldest to middle

The Worst
-middle child to middle child
-middle child to youngest
-youngest to youngest

The Absolute Worst
-only girl to only boy
-youngest female with no brothers and youngest male with no sisters

I’ve always been fascinated by how much birth order really does affect your personality and relationships. I definitely have the personality of an oldest, my brother definitely has the personality of a youngest. My mom is an oldest, my dad is a youngest.

I get along best with oldests in my friendships, and almost all my friends are first borns. But in relationships, the opposite holds true – I’m most compatible with youngests. Mr. Bee is actually a middle child, but the younger of twins, so there’s a unique kinda dynamic going on there. (Mr. Bee’s brother definitely has the personality of an oldest.)

What are you and your fiance’s birth orders? How much do you think your birth orders affect your compatibility?


Mrs. Bee

New York
Wedding Date:
March 2005
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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    daisy028, Guest @ 1:41 pm

    so funny– i’m the only and my FI is the youngest. not only that, looking back, but i’ve pretty much only dated youngests. and all of my friends are youngests or onlys.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Yukirei, Guest @ 1:58 pm

    Wow, this is so true for me that it’s uncanny!
    I’m an only, FI is youngest. Most of my close friends are youngest…..hmmm…concindence??=P

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    Jessica, Guest @ 2:05 pm

    I have no idea how to relate this information to us as individuals. Technically I am the oldest, and FI is a middle child. However, none of our brothers or sisters are full-blood sibilings. I have 2 younger half-sisters and a younger half brother. FI has an older half-sister, younger step-brother, and younger half-brother. We both weren’t raised with all of our sibilings, so the relationship between birth order and how it affects your upbringing doesn’t necessarily apply to us.

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    jenn, Guest @ 2:10 pm

    i totally agree that there is a relationship! in my family, it’s boy-girl-boy. i think i avoided middle child syndrome of feeling neglected and therefore having to be a rebel… b/c i’m the only girl and was showered with that attention for being the only girl. my older brother was showered b/c he’s the first child and eldest son. and my younger brother, well, b/c he’s the baby.

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Swedish bride, Guest @ 2:15 pm

    I think theres much truth to this. I think they say that if you’re more then 8 years from your closest sibling, you get a lot like an only child to.

    I´m the youngest (but my sisters so much older that Im very much like an only child) and my FI is the youngest to, he to much like an only child.

    So I suppose we make a good couple because we have these “mixed” personalities. Ive seen many other youngest-youngest couples, and they never make it in the long run.

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Ashley, Guest @ 2:29 pm

    I’m a middle child and the oldest of two girls, and my hubs is the youngest, with an older sister. We work out pretty good, except that since my brother was so much older, I was always the “oldest” in the house. Strange dynamics.

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    k, Guest @ 2:44 pm

    We’re both oldests, which does lead to some head-butting since we’re both stubborn and used to being “right.” On the other hand, we somehow have a closer bond because of having to be so responsible from a young age.

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    jenn, Guest @ 2:59 pm

    and, by the way, my fiance is the youngest of six! the first four are girls and the last two are boys. dr. leman’s compatibility thing is SO ON THE MARK with him and his siblings!!! haha crazy stuff.

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    J, Guest @ 3:37 pm

    Am I reading this thing correctly? How is the “Middle Child and Youngest” in the Best category when there is also a “Middle Child to Youngest” in the Worst category? Are they different because of “and” versu “to”? …Confused…

  10. admin Member
    admin 0 posts, Wannabee @ 3:41 pm

    sorry i think that was an error in the article. fixed now… good eye!

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    shra, Guest @ 4:09 pm

    wow, i’m a middle but was a youngest for 14 years…and thinking about it all the guys i dated and friends i had were oldests or onlys….EXCEPT for my Fiance! he’s a middle boy between two sisters! i dunno what that means for us!

  12. Guest Icon Guest
    Jasmine, Guest @ 4:56 pm

    I have that book! I love birth order studies to be honest I wrote a paper on it in college and used Dr Leman’s book even So far in my life I feel that it def works Though I have noticed this, in Dr Lemans book and others on birth order, that they always portray onlies like oldest children Well I am an only child and I have a few only children friends as well and we are all like youngest children! I mean if we’re the only baby our parents have wouldnt some parents tend to spoil their only and treat it like a baby (hence the youngest child) I found if I see myself as an only-youngest child instead of an only-oldest child Dr Leman’s stuff works out the best Case in point my fiance is the oldest He takes care of everything and compromises and gives in to me and my youngest child ways On the other hand an ex of mine was also the youngest and we had a horrible time getting organized, saving money for things, and compromising because we were both use to getting our ways as youngest children So I think birth order analyists should try to take only children as either the oldest or the youngest not just the oldest

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    peachy, Guest @ 6:03 pm

    i’m a middle (but act like the oldest) and my fiance is the oldest w/ no female sibs… previously i had dated a middle (it was a disaster!) and oldests… in all my past relationships i “mothered” the guys and wound up feeling resentful in the end.

    i see what dr lemans means about there being a potential for problems for us, but this time around i’m actually enjoying my man taking charge and taking care of me… this formerly middle-oldest is now a converted middle-youngest, and i love it!

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    JJ, Guest @ 9:27 pm

    Hmm.. What would my bf be categorized if he’s A: the 4th of 6 children B: youngest of 2 sons? =(

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    JG, Guest @ 9:32 pm

    My husband is the oldest and I’m the youngest. He has a younger sister and I have an older brother, which I think also has a good effect on the relationship.

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    aylee, Guest @ 10:42 pm

    In theory, I would agree. However, your birth order is not the only thing that factors in your personality. There are a lot of other things like how you’re brought up, gap between siblings, your inherited personality.

    I am the youngest, but my only sibling is 8 yrs older than me. Everybody that knows us thinks I act a lot like the older sibling.

    But when you look at my love relationship, my bf thinks I’m a brat (or maybe it’s just a girl thing) while he takes care of me and puts up with me really well, but he is the youngest of two. His sibling is also 8 yrs older than him.

    As for my close friends, it’s mixed. Only child, youngest, middle child, oldest.

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    Ariel, Guest @ 1:17 am

    I’m the oldest, and my fiance is the middle….
    I’m not really sure how much that affects our relationship though… I’ve never really thought about it!

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    Ariel, Guest @ 1:18 am

    Oh, and my parents are the absolute worst.. Only boy + Only girl…
    Still, they are happily married for 24 years now~

  19. Guest Icon Guest
    leishia, Guest @ 9:33 am

    its fascinating! thanks for pointing out. i’m the eldest and my fiance is the youngest… come to think of it, it’d be ncie if it’s the other way round! lol

  20. Guest Icon Guest
    amy, Guest @ 12:05 pm

    what about oldest to only?

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    K, Guest @ 2:27 pm

    I didn’t see anything for only & only…we’re both only children….

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    C, Guest @ 9:48 am

    yeah, what about oldes to only? :-)

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    kanipark, Guest @ 11:50 am

    we are oldest oldest… i can totally see why it could be problematic… cuz we both think we’re the BOSS :)

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    es, Guest @ 12:07 pm

    i thought I was the only person obsessed with birth order. I’m going to buy that book today.

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    Jane, Guest @ 12:14 pm

    haha…i’m the youngest girl with no brothers and he’s the youngest boy with no sisters, so i guess we’re one of the worst! we get along amazingly well. the only time we have issues is trying to figure out what we want for dinner. we’ll go through 15 minutes of “what-do-you-want-i-don’t-know-whatever-you-want” and finally give up and just go for white castle burgers.

  26. Guest Icon Guest
    snot, Guest @ 5:38 pm

    i am an only. my fi is the youngest… but is from a divorced family who separated the kids so is a little more of an only child than the youngest. hahaha. i wonder how that works. hopefully still well!

  27. Guest Icon Guest
    Laura, Guest @ 5:57 pm

    Jane: I’m in the same situation. I am the youngest with no brothers and he is the youngest with no sisters yet we get along great!

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    ck, Guest @ 8:47 pm

    i always ended up dating the youngest guy – and i am an oldest. says its supposed to be the best, but in retrospect i hated it each time. i guess they say its supposed to work well bc oldest knows how to deal w/ youngest, and they should be compatible, but i always felt that i already had a younger brother, i didnt need two.

    now im dating another oldest, and maybe its “potentially problematic”, its been great so far! =)

  29. Guest Icon Guest
    lindsay, Guest @ 11:35 am

    aaron and i are youngest to oldest. it works for us. :o)

  30. Guest Icon Guest
    OscarQ, Guest @ 11:30 am

    I’m the oldest and he’s the oldest so I guess we’re okay. There’s an age gap in FI’s family so he sometimes seems like an only child. The majority of my friends are oldest or only children. My sis (middle child) was married to the youngest child and only male. While I think their “roles” in their respective families contributed to their issues, it was doomed for other reasons. Youngest sis is now living with (and will probably be soon engaged) an oldest, only male. Watching them interact is like a TV comedy – they are dedicated to their role and carry it out completely.

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