Wedding Blog

Sorry to say, but I’d go to the shower. I know it’s hard not to be able to see someone you care about, but a bridal shower is very important to the bride. Especially since you’re in the wedding party. What if everyone gets mad at you and you’re stuck with that for a long time.

Believe me, having been in a long distance relationship myself that was a 3 hour plane ride, not see him from a month isn’t that bad. I’d go for 6 months without seeing him.

Well. Good luck!

To be honest, I disagree with SuzyCat…

If I were the bride, I would be a bit disappointed–but then again, I’m also reasonable enough to understand that if I only got to see my SO every month and a half or so–I’d say “girl, go! He’s your man…”

That’s just me, though.

I agree with Laurie, ask yourself how you would feel if it were your shower. While it may not seem fair, people remember for a LONG time when you skip something important to them.

First off, I’d be annoyed the MOH didn’t check with the bridesmaids before setting the date — true, not every bridesmaid can always attend, but I think it’s nice to check with them first. It might’ve given you more time to change plans with your SO or try to fit everything into one weekend or something.

Second, you had plans set in advance of the shower. I think that makes a big difference.

Finally, though, you will see your SO in October — really only a month+ after you were going to see him in Sept. I’d go with the once-in-a-lifetime shower event for your friend.

Have you asked the bride how sad she would be if you weren’t there? If it were me, I would just say to her, “I really want to go to your shower AND I really want to see my guy because it is so hard on us being long distance– I am unbelievably torn. How upset would you be if I didn’t go to your shower? Maybe I could take you to brunch and have a shower just the two of us instead?” Yada, yada… that’s the scenario I would choose anyway…

Were you not a member of the wedding party, I’d say do what’s more important to you. However, as the bride has already singled you out as someone close enough to her to be in her wedding, you should honor that and go to her shower, especially since you WILL see your man in another month.

i agree with ashley.

if i were the bride, i would be disappointed but would understand and be happy for you. life happens. and i do not expect the world to revolve around me just because i have title of “bride”.

better to go where your heart is than be miserable wishing you were someplace else. i have done it, and it didn’t feel good.

thats just my 2cents.

I know it’s hard to not see your beau for a while, mine lives 4 hours away. That’s why we try and see each other every 2 weeks even though he works 2 jobs and I work and go to school at the same time.

But if I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I’ll always try be part of the wedding process including showers which bridesmaids are a big part of.

Why not ask your beau to visit you for that weekend instead? There’s probably a nice place near where you live where you can go and stay. He can let you go for a couple of hours for the shower then you can go back to him right after.

You should consult with the bride. In all honesty, everyone has their own life and their own plans which I’m sure she understand this.. if you already had a prior engagement (to see your BF or whatever), she should understand and I think she would feel selfish keeping you from your beau.. and I’m probably going to get some slack for this, but really it’s not like you should drop all plans to work around the MOH’s bad schedule, plus it’s not like you are missing out on the wedding itself - which is MORE important!

I agree with Aylee and Mel–perhaps your boyfriend can visit you in the bridal shower city.

If you’ve already purchased tickets, perhaps you can exchange them for a date in October. This may cost you some money, but it would give you some peace of mind with regard to not offending the rest of the bridal party!

I would only recommend you take your trip if you two were planning something really big, like going abroad, or celebrating a special occasion like an anniversary or birthday.

i love how girls always try to help find solutions. =)

as a bride, if you were my bridesmaid, yes, i would be pretty annoyed if you didn’t show up to my bridal shower just because you wanted to see your bf. i did the long distance thing too for over 2 years, so i know how hard it is not to see someone. at the same time, life happens, and sometimes things come up that you can’t avoid.

whether or not the bride didn’t check with you is annoying (or maybe the MOH didn’t check with you? whoever threw the party should have checked). BUT, you have agreed to be in her wedding party, and you are family - so to skip out on this is not a good idea. it would be a different story if this is a special occasion with your bf (anniversary, bday, etc) - but otherwise, i think you will have to suck it up and go to the bridal shower.

and to what miss spider said - i agree. please be happy for the bride when you are at the shower.

From a bride to be, I’d be hurt if you didn’t attend, despite knowing and understanding your long distance situation. The shower is only going to happen once - so if i were you, I’d go.

p.s can your guy come visit you so that way you can go to the shower and spend the rest of the weekend with him?

I’d go to the shower. I know your time w/your guy is very special since you don’t get to see each other often (I’ve been in long distance before and I know how it is!). But as a bridesmaid, and *because* you ARE the BM, you have responsibility to the bride, and being at the shower is one of them. You may only see your man once in every few months, but this is the bride’s once in a *lifetime* event! I see it as when you accepted the honor as her BM, you accepted the duties that come with it and the fact that sometimes you just have to make sacrifices. That is the right thing to do. And you know what, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it!

I don’t think this is tough at all. She already had plans and the bride can understand that, especially given her long-distance situation.

I’m sorry, but the world and life in general does not revolve around a bride.

Hmmm…I think I would go see my SO, since you so rarely get to see each other. May seem mean/rude or whatever, but like D said, the wold doesn’t revolve around them And I think it’s kind of rude that the MOH didn’t ask everyone about the date…just assumed.

There’s no right or wrong decision, and it’s really up to you. Just know what the consequences for both are. Honestly, if it was me I would go to the shower because I don’t want to feel guilty or bad about possibly ruining something for someone (although I don’t know how important this is to your friend). This might be really important to her and she will be upset. I think your boyfriend will understand more than your friend will (at least mine would so I’m basing it off that).

I was recently a BM in a couple of months ago, and there were a lot of things I disagreed with but I sucked it up and allow the bride to have her day. I think everyone should consider what the duties of a BM are before accepting. I asked my friend what she expected and how things would be before I accepted (which is kind of different from the other girls who just gushed and shouted yes..hehe). Even in the end, I wasn’t happy with what happened at her wedding but I smiled and did my role because I can deal with everything else later but I can’t recreate a happy wedding for her is I messed it up at the moment.

Good luck to you.