Open Question: Parents Inviting Too Many Guests

Open Question: Parents Inviting Too Many Guests

August 23rd, 2006 @ 9:52 am by Mrs. Bee
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Dear Wedding Bee,

I have a very very large family. My family alone would equal about 200 people. This is not counting my fiance’s side and all of our friends. I have never dreamed of having a big wedding. And so in an attempt to downsize our wedding… my fiance and I decided to have a destination wedding in Las Vegas to keep it small, intimate, and fun.

A lot of people’s reactions… instead of horror at getting married in Sin City, has instead been “Wow that’s a great idea! We’ll be there!”

The problem is, as my guest list slowly increases I am having difficulty reminding my parents that the max I can have is 50 (mostly because that’s all the venue for my dinner can hold).

I don’t want to offend any of my relatives but I am adamant about keeping my wedding to 50 guests max.

Please also know, we are planning to have a reception in NYC (since a lot of my relatives live in that area) later next year after the wedding and there is not as much of a limitation on the number of people we could invite to that.

But I’d like to keep my wedding day fun and intimate for everyone involved. Do you and your readers have any suggestions as to how to word the reasoning in a polite way without offending 90% of my relatives?

Thanks in advance for your insights.

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6 Responses to “Open Question: Parents Inviting Too Many Guests”

Guest

sarah

Hey, I’m from Belgium and we do things very differently, but from what i read i think you could send them save-the-dates for your reception. that way they know they’re not forgotten and you can make it clear they’re not welcome at the reception.

8/23/06 @ 10:11 am (reply)

Guest

Nicole

Totally was having the same problem myself. I have no family while my fiance has a big family. We wanted to keep it small and like you we planned a destination wedding to the mountains of Colorado. With his family all on the East coast we figured most people wouldn’t make it-ha so so wrong just like you everyone got word and suddenly our wedding was looking like a huge affair which our venue couldn’t hold and neither could our wallets. So, I just had a conversation with his mom who is the greatest lady ever and explained that we will only be having immediate family and few very very close friends. We are then going to have a big bash at our house the following ski season so everyone who wants to come out can and we’ll make a big ski weekend out of it. so my advice keep it to immediate family only, send out separate invites for the wedding & reception in NYC, and use word of mouth so people truly understand that its a small affair.

8/23/06 @ 10:22 am (reply)

Guest

Katie

Sounds like the first mistake might have been allowing it to spread via word of mouth at all (though I know that’s difficult to avoid in families). I’m sure your relatives think they’re doing what you want by commiting to travel to Vegas, and once they learn that you’re trying to avoid overcrowding they’ll back off. The problem then falls on you to determine who should be “allowed” to come–grandparents? First cousins? If cousins, then their spouses and kids? Etc.

If it were me, I would limit the family severely–only those who are your honest and absolute favorites, those you’re closest to. Then fill the rest of your quota with your people–friends, etc.

I wouldn’t send out a written thing saying “don’t come”–that would be rude. I like the idea of sending out a save-the-date for the NYC reception: that way the extended family will knwo you still want them to celebrate you :).

8/23/06 @ 10:29 am (reply)

Guest

kanipark

when i first mentioned the wedding to my parents… my mom had the idea of inviting every single one of her friends… i’ve known many of them since i was in 2nd grade… her initial thought was to invite 200 of her friends… what?!?

it was really tough for my parents to narrow down their selection, but we agreed to 60 of their friends to come… (to JUST the ceremony)… most asians (koreans specifically) just want to see you get married, eat & leave… they are not interested in the cake, bouquet toss, etc…

so we had a separate reception for them up the street @ musashi’s (http://www.musashirestaurant.com/) & got a section of the restaurant cut off with several Teppan Yaki cooks

during cocktail, we took a horse carriage up to thank them & went back to our party of 150 guest

you’re in a tough situation… just say that you are only allowed 50 spots… that what we had to say… cuz the country club only had enough room to sit 150 guest

8/23/06 @ 12:53 pm (reply)

Guest

Ashley

Well, it depends on who’s paying for it.

If it’s coming solely out of you and your fiance’s wallets, I’d just flat tell your parents “Look, I don’t mean to be rude–and I do thank you for helping with the invitation lists–but I really can’t afford to have such a large destination wedding. Let’s talk about a larger reception after we get back, and keep the ceremony and honeymoon itself intimate.”

8/23/06 @ 2:22 pm (reply)

Guest

Chris

I made the SAME MISTAKE! We decided to have a destination wedding in Las Vegas, too. Like you, we were stunned by all the positive responses. Oh well. =/

8/23/06 @ 8:20 pm (reply)