Dear Miss Beetle: Destination Weddings
August 31st, 2006 @ 8:33 am by Mrs. Beetle
Do you think you can cover the “etiquettes” of a destination wedding?
My fiance and I are finding contradicting information on what we need to provide for our guests. We want to do it right for our guests, but we also don’t want to go over the top if we don’t need to.
I would also like to note that our wedding is at the Outerbanks, North Carolina, which is still driveable for most of our friends. Most likely, the guests (family) will fly in Friday and leave Sunday - just as they would if our wedding was in Philadelphia. Some of our good friends have already decided to rent a house for the week and make a vacation out of it as well (since it’s pretty affordable down there).
What do you think? Thanks!!!
Sincerely,
Chris and Christina
~~~
Dear Chris & Christina,
As weddings go, destination weddings are firmly in the “new kid on the block” category. So new, in fact, that I think it’s more about “do’s and don’ts rather than formal etiquette. I’m having a destination wedding myself (in California), so I’ll share some of my definite do’s:
*Give plenty of notice: with a destination wedding, save the dates are an absolute must. People need time to book tickets, plan reservations, get time off of work, etc. Personally, I think you should try to give at least six months notice for your guests.
*Provide Information: Since you will be asking your guests to travel, it’s only fair that you make it as easy as possible. Either set up a wedding website or include a travel and accommodations card with your save-the-dates that provide flight information, hotel options (make sure to list several in different price ranges) and any other important info (i.e. if you are planning an international trip, you should mention any special visa or vaccination requirements).
*Make sure your guests feel welcome: I think welcome bags or baskets in hotel rooms are a wonderful way to say a special thank you to your guests for traveling to your wedding. You can be as creative as you’d like with a welcome bag/basket, but many brides like to represent the theme of their weddings with them (i.e. for a NY wedding you could include a black and white cookie, a subway map, an I love NY t-shirt, etc).
Also include a wedding weekend itinerary in your guest’s hotel rooms, so that your guests know all of the wonderful things you have planned for them over the weekend.*Keep people busy: If you know that many of your guests will be there for several days, don’t be shy about planning some extra activities. Perhaps a bar-b-que one evening, or a day at the beach with volleyball. This is, of course, not mandatory, but nice to offer nonetheless.
*Rehearsal Dinner: Others may disagree, but I think it’s only appropriate to invite everyone who has made a special effort to travel to your wedding to your rehearsal dinner. Typically the rehearsal dinner includes your family, bridal party and closest friends. But I wouldn’t feel right about asking someone to travel all that distance and then not include them in the rehearsal dinner.
*Day-After-Brunch: Though not mandatory, planning a special brunch for your guests for the morning after your wedding is a nice way to say a final “thank you” on your special weekend.
*Extras: Keep in mind that some of your guests might need a bit of “extra help.” This ranges from extra trip planning assistance, to hooking friends up to share rides on the day of the wedding. I know you’ll be a busy bride trying to make sure everything is perfect, but I always think it’s nice to go the extra mile when you can, since people are really putting forth some super-sized effort for you in the travel department.
As I said, none of these “do’s” are hard and fast rules, but I think you’ll end up with a pretty fab weekend that’s unforgettable for both you and your guests if you follow them.
Bon voyage,
Erica
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9 Responses to “Dear Miss Beetle: Destination Weddings”
I’m in the same boat. No matter where we got married, it was going to be a “destination” for at least 50% of our family (he’s from PA and I’m from NH).
We are planning on doing welcome gifts of some sort and we are definitely inviting everyone who is traveling to attend our rehearsal dinner - but the morning after brunch is confusing for me.
Are we supposed to pay for the morning after brunch or just plan it and offer it as an option? I’ve seen it done this way on another bride’s itinerary, but I thought we were expected to pay for everything.
Also, do you include the brunch on your wedding RSVP card or send a separate invitation? We would need a count ahead of time for the restaurant.
It seems cumbersome to send people three invitations to a wedding, rehearsal dinner and morning after brunch. Are there standards for this sort of thing?
I learned this tip from my cousin who had a 400 person wedding this year… she posted all the information on her wedding website and since most of her guests are internet savvy it had all the information they needed complete with maps and information as well as a schedule of events.
Since I am having a destination wedding I have already started on doing the same.
D,
If you do offer a day after brunch, I think you should pay for it. Just my opinion, but again, its a nice thing to do for people who’ve traveled such a long way for your wedding. I don’t think the brunch has yet reached the “rehearsal dinner” status yet (i.e. it’s not something that EVERYONE does), so if it doesn’t work out for you, I don’t think that’s tragic either. We did not include mention of our brunch on our invites.
We will likely include a note in our welcome bags. For us, its going to be a much more casual “if you are around, we’d love for you to join us,” rather than turn it into a major wedding event. Many people likely won’t be around as sunday will be a big travel day back. We are having the brunch at our hotel (which already offers one), so there is no problem with numbers for us…they will only charge us for whomever shows. If you are not in a situation like that, perhaps you can assign your mom or one of your bridesmaids to get a general count the weekend of your wedding and then you can let the restaurant know a range of people.
If you want to give people more notice, I think it’s fine to also include info about the brunch on your travel/info card. That’s where we put info re: our rehearsal dinner. Then on our RSVP, we had a check box for the wedding and one for the rehearsal dinner.
You can also include info on your wedding website if you are doing one.
hoep that helps!
Erica
Instead of inviting everyone to our rehearsal dinner, we’ve moved the rehearsal to a Thursday to cut down costs. But we’ve also decided if there are any guests who are there for the week, they’re invited as well. On Friday, we’re going to have a welcome bbq at our reception house- something casual with beers and burgers- so family and friends can meet each other. Our wedding will probably end up being quite intimate, so we figured this might be a good way to get the party started. Maybe we can set up a brunch buffet at the house, so whoever crashed the night before will have food and people can drive back.
First, I totally agree that if people having destination weddings can extend their rehearsal dinner to everyone who made the effort to travel, they should (or a BBQ or dessert and cocktails… whatever you can afford)! Also, in my family the brunch is traditionally thrown by the Aunts and close friends. I guess that’s lucky!!!
wow… great tips 
we moved our rehearsal to Thursday, mainly I have witnessed Friday rehearsal brides and its chaotic since guests are calling to say they reached and you are trying to finish last minute things and get to a rehearsal on time.
We are having a welcome cocktail party that Friday evening and morning brunch, all at the hotel where we are staying, since we live in NY and wedding is in Miami.
We are doing welcome bags, quite elaborate. I am doing a travel theme, so we are including souvenirs from places significant in our lives, like blue mountain coffee beans for Jamaica, where I was born.
We are providing a shuttle for guests from the hotel to the venue on the wedding day. Got this great trolley for the evening.
We are doing midnight snack pack as guests leave. I saw it on here. The milk with krispy creme doughnuts but instead we are milk with hot cocoa mix.
I was going to put it on the invite, but they got a bit scared about the numbers and what about local guests. So, once I receive an RSVP with a yes, I am sending out the brunch and cocktail invite. I only need to give the hotel the count 2 days before so I wasn’t too concerned, even the late RSVPer will be able to get it and send it back in time. I also offered guest the option to RSVP for those events online via our website.
If the brunch and cocktail party was informal or at my parents house (too far from venue), I would have just put the info in the welcome bag as part of the itinerary and just have food planned accordingly.
i just got invited to a “destination wedding,” where almost everyone will have to spend the whole weekend at the island (because of 2 day minimum hotel policies at this island). The couple sent out their STD’s with all the hotel booking information. They also included an invitation for everyone to join them at the rehearsal Friday night and brunch on Sunday with STD’s.
I thought this was a very nice gesture on their part. Also I think it helped to make us feel a little bit better about spending all the money to get to their wedding.
Mrs. Beetle, New York/Palm Desert
About: Mrs. Beetle previously wrote our weekly advice column. She got married in October 2006, and is currently guest blogging.
Thank you!!
We’ve pretty much planned on doing those “do’s” minus the morning after brunch because we plan on having an after party and I know that most of us might be too hungover or still sleeping to attend. Maybe we can host a smaller one for the older adults.
Thanks so much for your advice!
Sincerely,
Chris and Christina