Open Question: Bridesmaid Curse
August 31st, 2006 @ 11:18 am by Open Question
Do you believe in the bridesmaid curse? Supposedly if you’re a BM more than three times, you’re destined to be single for the rest of your life. I’ve been the BM twice already; first I was the MOH for my only female paternal cousin, and recently for one of my three bestest friends in the world. And, I’m currently being reserved for one more.
My dilemma is that I have three more friends that I would love to be bridesmaids for on their special day. One of them just got engaged last week, and I was one of the first three gal pals she broke the great news to. From our conversation, I get a feeling she wants me to be one of her BMs. It’s a great honor to have your friend consider you special enough to stand by their side on one of the biggest events of their life.
But, I’m superstitious, and really believe in the three max rule. I eventually do want to have my special day, too. How to I gently decline w/o hurting their feelings? Is there an alternative for this solution w/o being affected by the BM curse? Help!
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22 Responses to “Open Question: Bridesmaid Curse”
It just goes to show that you have a lot of good friends. But yeh, this is tough. Find out how many BM’s your friend is planning to ask or have asked. If there are many BM’s, I think it wouldn’t be too horrific if you explained yourself. And of course, you can offer to do other things for her instead of being a BM. And plus, it’s not cheap in the wallet to be a BM.. Good luck!
Technically, after you fulfill your BM duties for the one in reserve, you’d have been a BM 3 times already. If you believe the superstition, you should stop at 2, but if you’re doing the 3rd one anyway, why not just do a few more for the friends you’re really close to?
where have i been? i’ve never heard of this curse!
I am the most superstitions person I know, but I’ve never heard of this one. If you believe in it, don’t do it. I would tell your friend(s) the truth and if they know you and your freaky superstitious ways (my friends have learned to deal with me!), they’ll understand.
My friend was a BM and/or MOH for 10 weddings before she got married this year. I know a lot of women who have been BMs for more than 3 weddings and they eventually got married. I agree with Miss Ant that you might let this become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you dwell on it too much.
If I were a bride and I had carefully considered which girls would be my BMs and one declined because she thought there was a curse, I’m sorry, but I would be very offended and wonder how good our friendship was. It’s an honor to stand up in someone’s wedding and to decline requires a very strong, important reason. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t think that applies. I know you think that your friend wil understand — and hopefully she will. But often, especially in weddings, people say that they understand and very much do not, and simply tell a white lie to save the other person embarrassment, feeling slighted. Your friendship might be changed and you will never know why.
wow, it’s hard to believe you would really turn down the honor of being a bridesmaid because of a superstition.
if you feel that strongly about your superstition, perhaps you should look into it more and see where it originated from… i think you might find it’s not even based on something valid.
don’t miss out on ur girl friend’s SPECIAL day just be of a stupid curse!!!! you are loved and treasured as a good friend, and you shoul feel blessed~!! some girls never get to be BM’s! Lucky you 
I agree that there are other ways you can be involved in the wedding without being a BM and of course it’s your choice not to do so, whether because of money or time or any other reason.
But if it’s something you really want to do, this is really not a good reason. If anything, you would think being a part of so many other weddings would be good karma and you should feel lucky that you have so many people who care about you enough to want you to be so involved. Regardless of whether or not you end up married, you have love in your life!
And if you really believe it that strongly, I think it’s only fair that you have the courage to tell your friends the real reason you’re declining. Who knows, maybe their reactions will help you overcome your fear.
Well, see, there was always more to that superstition, anyway. The superstition was a max of three, unless you went on to do seven or more. You already have six in the bag, so I’d relax. Personally, I think it’s a load of hogwash, seeing as how I’ve been in three weddings exactly, and am currently planning my own.
Actually, I take that back. It used to be a max of two, not three. “Three time a bridesmaid, never a bride.” So two was your max. Unless you went on to seven. But it’s still a load of hogwash.
Are you planning on marrying on Wednesday, too? Saturday’s the unluckiest day to get married according to the old rhyme, with Friday, then Thursday following close behind.
no way… i totally don’t believe in that… it’s an honor to be a part of someones wedding…
i can’t image that you would turn someone down because of supersitition… how would you tell someone that?
Um, I’ve been a bridesmaid 12 times and am planning my wedding. Let’s just hope that the number 13 is LUCKY for us!
Nope - I’ve been a BM 3 times & I’m getting married in July…I used to VERY SUPERSITIOUS about everything…then one day I just stopped..weird I know - but true..
i’ve been BM 3 times already and I’m not married yet.
I think it’s fun to be BM for friends and family members.
yeah..i think, as the bride, if a bridemaid excuse for not being a bridesmaid was a curse, i’d be really hurt.
it’s not a curse - i’ve been a bridesmaid SIX times and i’m getting married in november
Please don’t turn down your friends who want you to be a part of their day because of this! Just imagine how hurt you would be when you get engaged (and you will : )) if you asked one of your friends to be in your wedding and she turned you down because of a superstition.
I’m pretty sure the whole “bridesmaid curse” thing is a load of crap. Would you want your best friend in the entire world to turn down being a bridesmaid in YOUR wedding just because she was too superstitious?
I’m not superstitious in the least (and I’ll be taking my FI dress shopping with me….), and I think it’s a load of crap, like Ashley said….I’d be kinda upset if a friend turned me down just because of a (stupid) superstition…
I heard about the curse too, and was wondering about the same thing for awhile. My mom is very worried about me since I’ve been the BM two times, one for my HS best friend and my sister. And, I have two good friends are getting married next year, and both asked me to be their MOH and BM. In addition, my second sister also wants me to be her BM in the near future. About the curse, I try not to think too much about it now, I just see it as a great honor that my friends love me so much that they want me to be a part of their most important day. Now, I believe, if I am loved by so many good friends, then I am blessed.
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Personally, I don’t believe in the BM curse at all!
BUT, superstition is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you truly believe that you will end up cursed, it may affect your relationships with men… who knows?
If you really can’t convince yourself that the curse isn’t real, try to find a loophole and “cheat” the curse. Be a part of your friend’s big day in a different role- a reader during the ceremony, a female usher, the guestbook attendant- anything except for bridesmaid.