Wedding Blog
One very difficult decision I had to make with regard to my wedding, was exactly what to do for the wedding party. I have one “best friend” who seemed the clear Maid of Honor choice (plus, I’d sworn to her a thousand times she’d be my MOH 
), but then all my other friends are sort of in groups. As in, if I make X a bridesmaid, I absolutely HAVE TO make Y and Z bridesmaids. But if all three of them are, I can’t really exclude W….etc. So I would have ended up with…maybe 10 bridesmaids? And several of them I’m not even as close to anymore, they’re just part of “the group.” Mr. Bluebell has a similarly group-y bunch of friends, and since our wedding is going to be fairly small and informal, there was noooooooooooo way we were going to have 20 people in the wedding party!
In the end, we realized the only way to do this without hurting a lot of feelings was just to have one Maid of Honor and one Best Man - and nothing else. We liked this idea, but…well…I still love my other friends. I was a bridesmaid for one of them this summer, and I hope others might make me bridesmaids when they get married. So I really wanted to reciprocate not in terms of a fair trade, but just because I wanted them to know how special they are to me and how much I love them. It didn’t seem fair that just because of the nature of the wedding, they couldn’t be bridesmaids so they got stuck in the same ranks as all my cousins. (Love my cousins, but you know what I mean!)
So after a lot of hemming and hawing and message-board-posting, I have invented (sort of) a new title for my special-people-who-would-otherwise-have-been-bridesmaids. They are now my Honorary Bridesmaids, or, as I like to refer to them (honorary) bridesmaids. I will consider them bridesmaids emotionally, but they won’t have to buy a dress. My current thought is to give them a color and tell them they can all choose to wear outfits of their choice in that color so they look a bit like a group (if they want to), and then I’ll give them each a corsage or something to signify their special-ness. They’ll also be listed in the program even though they won’t technically participate in the ceremony.
What do you all think of this idea? Is anyone else doing something a bit untraditional regarding their wedding party? Can you think of any other ways I can involve my (honorary) bridesmaids?
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I think it’s a lovely idea. It WOULD look awkward if you had a gigantic wedding party, but this way you are still acknowledging them. 
i’m having a similar dilemma, and you’ve come up with an interesting solution. I think it’s nice that you can still have a way to honor them without the big to-do of having them buy dresses and standup.
Haha my real name is Laura and I totally did a doubletake reading your post, commenter #2, thinking maybe I accidentally replied to myself!!
I think that’s a wonderful idea! The group photos of your friends will also look great.
Hi. I am dealing with the same issue for my wedding on October 7th. I have 2 best friends (we all live within 1 block radius) and I have a younger sister. didn’t want any of them to feel left out. I call the three ladies my “Honor Attendants”. I think I read that in a wedding etiquette book I have. I also have 2 bridesmaids. Total of 5.
I did the same thing you did by having them choose any dress they like as long as the colors are the same. Just so happen that the “honor attendants” all like the same dress and the 2 bridesmaids like another dress of a different style.
I actually have the same problem too! We’re having a small wedding (50 peeps) and I already have two *co*Matrons of Honor and one BM. But I really want to make my SIL a BM too. So your idea sounds like a great solution! Thanks for sharing.
This is weird–I had the SAME problem and came up with the SAME solution (check out one of my early entries in my http://www.jeffandkatieswedding.com wedding blog if you don’t believe me! I think it’s going to work splendidly.
I just can’t get over how alike our situations–and solutions! are :)
I only wanted a maid of honor and my fiance wanted a best couple. So that’s what we’re doing. No one is upset by this (as far as I know). In fact, some of the women I could have chosen for bridesmaid have thanked me for not doing so and have offered to help out any and “bridesmaidy” way since I’m just having a MOH. Good luck to you!
I think it’s a great idea, Miss Bluebell!!!! And I’m not just saying that because I’m one of your honorary bridemaids!
Thank you so much for the idea! My BF only wants his brother as a best man, and I sort of have the “groupy” problem as well… now I just need to figure out which one gets the special honor. :-/
I have the same dilema. Here’s how I’m solving it. I’m going to have my girls (eight of them) all wear the same color and have them stand up and down the aisle. As I walk down the aisle, they will each hand me a flower to make up my boquet. When I reach the front they will take their seat where they were standing.
The logistics of the flower handoffs may be a bit tricky, but I think we can pull this off and it will be really cool. We won’t have an army of girls up at the front, but my friends will also get to participate in my ceremony in a meaningful way. The handing of the flower is a symbol of their support of me in my relationship with my fiance and their blessing of our marriage. I think it will be really unique and beautiful.
As the mother-of-an-honorary (to be) bridesmaid, I think this is a genius idea. I advocate for inclusiveness in the work arena and in life. Friends will help to keep you healthier and happier, life long, and are the most important support group you can have (although some might politely point out that there is family too).
My daughter is getting married Oct 2006. Her best friend will be her maid of honor. My daughter’s sister wants to be in the wedding-she will be 7 months pregnant. We were going to use her as a bridesmaid–but now we feel it would be quite stressful for her to stand in the front of the church for a long length of time. Her title will be Honorary Brides Matron. Her
husband which is one of the ushers will walk her down and she will sit on the front row with me, her mother. She will get to wear a bridesmaid dress and carry flowers but she won’t have to stand in the front of the church with the other bridesmaid.
I think it’s a wonderful idea also. I have one friend who included others by having them carry candles in and walk to the front, set them down (like votives in small fish bowls) and go to thier reserved seats. She did that because she already had 10 bridesmaides!!! But for my wedding I wanted to include my sisters and my husband’s sisters. I had them be flower “ladies” so they scattered petals and had fun doing so. They each wore a skirt that was the same (i made them) and a white blouse. As it turns out my sister’s wore the same shirt and his sister’s wore matching shirts. After they spread petals they stood while I walked down the aisle but then sat when I walked the rest of of the way to the front.
So maybe you can include your bridesmaids somehow like that. Somehow so that they still walk down the aisle in precession but not stand up front the whole time. …and wear something simpler like you want (same color) or buy the same skirts… skirts are much cheeper than dresses.
This idea has saved my life, and taken away so much stress, I have a similar dilema, and this will work perfectly, I have important people I need/want to include in a special way and this seems like the right answer!! I LOVE IT! Thank you so so so so so so much!
Erin - I love love LOVE that idea!! I have 1 MOH and 2 BM’s, and the girls in those roles are obvious choices and there’s nobody else I’m as close to as them to be in my bridal party. But there are a few other girls who are very important to me and I just adore the idea of having them each hand me a flower to make up my bouquet. Plus, holy that must seriously reduce the cost of your bouquet!! Awesome! I am so doing this.
I love love love the idea of having Honorary Attendants precede you down the aisle with candles!!! I’m in a similar situation where I have a BF, 2 sisters and several other incredibly wonderful amazing friends that I want to include but don’t want to ask them to be bridesmaids (for a variety of reasons - distance, money, etc.). Having them participate like this would be PERFECT! Thank you!!
I have been considering honorary bridesmaids. I currently have 5 bridesmaids. My moh is my 1st cousin, and the rest are all my close girlfriends including my fiance’s sister. However, there is the obligatory “I was in her wedding so I have to have her in mine” issue. There is a girl who made me her maid of honor 2 years ago. We were very good friends growing up but before she asked me to be her moh, we hadn’t talked more than 5 times in 7 years. And since she has been married, we’ve seen each other 4 times (in two years!) I wasn’t going to ask her to be in mine for the sake of avoiding pretention. However, what is the proper etiquette? Would honorary or reader be acceptable considering the relationship?
I think its a great idea, I am getting married in May & it was so hard to leave anyone out so I have 2 co Maid of Honors, and then 4 bridesmaids, but then i have my girls that I dont see daily or even talk to daily yet are still very special in my heart! So I have 8 honorary bridesmaids. They are involved in everything except standing on stage and their bouquets are a bit smaller. It seems to something that alot of people are including these days. I first saw this done in high school at my cousins wedding and I love it ! It is making everything less stressful ! B/C I sure worried about leaving someone out !
I have used this same concept because I have 3 close friends that are pregnant. My question is…what is expected of them? One of my honoraries says she does not feel right being a part of my showers, including the rehearsal dinner and the bridal luncheon. I am trying now to be upset, but really do not know how to respond. My gut says, why am I “honoring” you if you are not comfortable being a part of the wedding party. In my mind-they were honoraries because I didn’t want to add the stress to me or them about getting a dress altered less than one month before the wedding. Other than that, I see them as bridesmaids. Am I turning into bridezilla?
I was just looking through all the “maid of honor” posts trying to solve this exact dilemma, and that sounds like the best idea I’ve heard so far. Thank you!!
what color did you gals find to be hte best to choose from?
I am getting married in November and plan on having 5 honorary bridesmaids that will walk down then be seated with my mom. Then there will be my 5 bridesmaids that will stand with me.
Question is… what is the proper way to ask someone to be your honorary bridesmaid without hurting their feelings that they won’t be a regular bridesmaid??
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Mrs. Bluebell, New York
Age and Occupation in 07: 26, Finance Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Playing with the cat and/or Consulting
Engagement Date: December 25, 2005
Wedding Date: June 2007
Venue: Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks
About Me: Trying to find the perfect balance between family tradition (marrying at the house everyone else in my family gets married at), making our's modern, interesting and different from everyone else in my family's, and incorporating some Chinese tradition for my Chinese fiance. I really have no idea what it's going to end up looking like!
Also, I picked Miss Bluebell for my name because I have blue eyes and I'm a loser like that.
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