Will You Marry Me?

Will You Marry Me?

September 6th, 2006 @ 5:14 pm by Mrs. Daisy
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No, I’m not proposing to the internet at large. But I am *desperately* seeking someone to perform our wedding ceremony. So far we have met with officiants near and far. It feels like we’ve considered pretty much everyone short of Father Guido Sarducci:

Will You Marry Me? : wedding new york officiant Father father.jpg

And still, no officiant.

This all stems from the lack of formal religion in my life. Though I was born and raised Jewish, as was Mr. Daisy, my upbringing also included a touch of Ethical Culture/humanism. However, I sort of ~~renounced my faith~~ moved away from that as time went on and decided to figure out what did work for me. To date, I still haven’t found ~~what i’m looking for~~ a religion to call my own. But enough about my boring vision quest, and on to the important stuff.

The wedding. The actual “Do you, Daisy, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” part. This can’t happen without an officiant. And I have absolutely no clue how I can find an officiant that meets the following (oh-so-specific and narrow) requirements:

not a rabbi
is male
not of a Christian faith (i.e. rule out anyone whose name starts with “Reverend” or “His Holiness”)
reminds me of Captain Steubing (I used to love those shipboard Love Boat weddings!) or is otherwise aesthetically pleasing (I’m as shallow as a puddle. So sue me!)
not a judge
will include elements of God, generally (i.e. not an atheistic officiant)

Yep, that about does it. It seems that finding an officiant who meets those requirements will be about as easy as finding a unicorn*. So what do I do?

Does anyone know an officiant who fits the bill? And have any of you had trouble bridging the gap between your own familial traditions/religious beliefs and those of your fiance? Should I just decide to forego the marriage part** and continue to live in sin?

Help!!!

~~~
* A *real* unicorn, unlike the “unicorn” I saw at the circus back in the 80’s that pretty much was a goat with a horn stapled in the center of its head.

Will You Marry Me? : wedding new york officiant Unicorn Site Photo unicorn_site_photo.jpg

** Ok, kidding, because this is so not an option. I am getting me a new last name come November…

Tags: new-york, officiant |

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25 Responses to “Will You Marry Me?”

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Guest

Michelle

Based on most of your requirements, why are you opposed to a judge? You can find a magistrate that will be happy to incorporate any faith vows that you like - it doesn’t have to be a 5 minute “do you take him, do you take her” kind of ceremony.

9/6/06 @ 5:20 pm (reply)

Guest

nhung

How about flying in an officiant fly someone from the Little White Chapel in Vegas? =)

9/6/06 @ 5:24 pm (reply)

Guest

MarieBela

oh wow, you just said everything i’ve been thinking since we got engaged in november. our friend is going to marry us, he was ordained via the internet & does this on the side for friends when he’s not playing in his band. our parents are horrified. i think they should be happy that we’re not going to continue living in sin for the rest of our lives. i have caved on soooo many things to date, i am digging my heels in on this one.

i believe you can have one of your friends do the same, go on the internet & get one of them ordained asap!!

9/6/06 @ 5:26 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Bee (message) 3,235 posts, Sugar bee

have you looked into the new york society for ethical culture? they match you up with a nondenominational officiant and help you create a ceremony together (i believe there is a focus on humanism). sounds just like what you’re looking for.

if i remember correctly though, i think you have to do some classes or something else with them…

http://nysec.org/

9/6/06 @ 5:27 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Spider

i was going to suggest my officiant but alas she is not a he. sorry. good luck~!!

9/6/06 @ 5:29 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Daisy

Mrs. Bee, i am actually a member of the NY Ethical Culture Society, but the senior leader (who rules!) is unavailable on my weekend… the only available leaders that weekend are women, so that rules them out. (also EC is non-theistic, so bringing God in could be a bit tricky.)

MarieBela, i had heard that internet-ordained officiants weren’t allowed in NY. does anyone know more about this?

9/6/06 @ 5:30 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Bluebell

Miss Daisy/MarieBela - my brother just got married in June in NY state by their friend who was ordained online. I *think* there could be an additional requirement for NYC, but if your wedding isn’t actually in the city itself, I think you’re definitely good to go! (Haha at least I hope this post doesn’t lead to me having to call my brother and awkwardly inform him he’s not legally married. )

That’s the route we are (most likely) planning to go as well.

9/6/06 @ 5:34 pm (reply)

Guest

Amy

I believe many states allow you to purchase (for a small fee =)) an “officiant for a day” liscense. Thus, if you can think of anyone who would be great…but lacks the credentials- you can fix that quite easily. One lucky uncle has preformed all of the ceremonies in my family over the past 5 yrs. Good luck!

9/6/06 @ 5:36 pm (reply)

Guest

The Dane

We had a similar dilemma, except I’m not religous at all - fiance is lapsed Catholic. We are going to be married by my Grandpa (he is 85, has been married more than 65 years and is a former CEO [good speaking voice and presence]). He has no power to marry us (we did not ask him to become a notary or to be ordained on the internet) and we will get legally hitched at our local courthouse a couple of days before the big day). I’m not a religous person, but he will make the appropriate religous references to make those in attendance feel better. There are actually so many options these days that you should be able to find someone to fit the bill.

Good luck!

9/6/06 @ 5:38 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Miss Ant

Have you posted this yet on other message boards? Like the Knot’s NYC board or Indie Bride’s NYC board? This is really important so I wish you lots of luck!

9/6/06 @ 6:02 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

PhillyM

You might consider Journeys of the Heart. It’s a Philadelphia-based group but they travel for weddings. We’re using them and had similar needs (non-denominational though willing to mention God, flexible about the ceremony, accomodating to interfaith couples). You can read their officiants’ bios on the website (and, you’re in luck, there are *several* balding men to choose from!):

http://www.journeysoftheheart.org/home.htm

9/6/06 @ 6:03 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

kate

Captain Arnold!
http://www.nauticalweddingbells.com/

He’s certified to marry couples in NYC, is not religious, is male, and sorta looks like the Love Boat guy.

I never met with him so I can’t vouch for his personality but he might be the closest you’re going to get.

If you change your mind about being married by a man there are tons of great options.

9/6/06 @ 6:06 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

MCRBride

I emailed you a lady option. Case you change your mind

9/6/06 @ 6:16 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Monica

Captain Arnold might be a good one to check out, as previously recommended. http://www.nauticalweddingbells.com/about.html

As for whether NYC allows people ordained on the internet to perform ceremonies, I’m not 100% sure. Here is their website, I haven’t read all this but your answer might be in there somewhere. http://nycmarriagebureau.com/about/officiantregistrationinfo.html

9/6/06 @ 6:30 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

MarieBela

well after moving our venue of choice from brooklyn to liberty state park in nj (like i said, i’ve caved, i’ve caved) we looked into it & were told that in the garden state it would be ok to have our rock & roll officiant marry us.

but we also heard that he would have just had to file some sort of paperwork to be allowed to do that in nyc, so it may require an extra step?

9/6/06 @ 6:47 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Miss Daisy

Monica, thanks for the link! i checked out the site and, of course, there’s this parenthetical caveat: “(Note: Ordination certificates issued by the Universal Life Church or its affiliates are not acceptable evidence of clerical authority)”

ULC is pretty much the only “regular people” ordination of which i am aware but i am going to call tomorrow and see if there is a way to get special permission to officiate. b/c i would actually know someone great to do it, so… fingers crossed!

i am also excited to check out all the suggestions thus far (and will happily take anymore that you guys can throw at me!)

Mr. Daisy is going to be thrilled with the Captain Arnold link. he, too, has wanted to be married by a ship captain. (yes, we have random wants!)

9/6/06 @ 7:03 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Try the Unitarian church. It has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with Spirituality. They are open to everybody and very friendly. Good luck!

9/6/06 @ 9:33 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

“a” is absolutely on target with the Unitarian recommendation. There are quite a few Unitarian churches in Manhattan, I think you’ll find officiants that are fairly traditional/comforting looking/acting but very liberal and free about what defines spirituality. They meet all your standards! Congratulations!

9/6/06 @ 10:00 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

ally

if you have a freind that’s special to both of you and meets your requirements he or she can become a deputy of civil marriages in your county for the day. it’s usually a fee under $50, fill out a form and are given instructions.

9/6/06 @ 11:39 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

glass

OMG! i have the same problem except my criteria are the following:
1) non-denominational (fiance and i are different religions)
2) must speak Korean

HELP~! I posted my question on the beehive once but got no replies…

9/6/06 @ 11:52 pm (reply)

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