Weddingbee Blog

Hello,

My best friend is having her official engagement at our hometown in Colorado, and although I would like to be there for such an occasion, the tickets are just too expensive to fly back home from New York. Instead I thought I would send her a gift as a symbol of my regret with not being there, but also as a congratulatory gift.

I was wondering if you had any ideas on what a good engagement present might be that is appropriate for the occasion. I was also wondering if traditionally it was important for ppl that will be in the bridal party to show up to the official engagement party?

Thank You
Jane

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Hi Jane,

First of all, I have to give you props on being such a conscientious bridesmaid–your friend is a lucky girl! In answer to your question, I would say that these days most brides understand (or rather, *should*) understand that weddings are often a very expensive proposition for everyone involved. Unless your last name is Trump, it’s unlikely that you are going to be able to make every out-of-town wedding festivity, and that is completely understandable.

This sounds kind of funny to suggest (as this is normally the bride and groom’s job), but I would suggest setting up a wedding budget for yourself. You don’t have to adhere to it come hell or high water, but figure out exactly how much money you will comfortably be able to spend on this whole shindig. Perhaps you are going to be strapped just dealing with the bridesmaid dress and the out-of-town expenses for the big day. In that case, you can let your friend know right off the bat that you won’t be able to make it to her shower, bachelorette party or engagement party. Or maybe you have just enough to attend the wedding and one event (i.e. her wedding shower).

I think you’ll be a much happier camper if you figure out from the get go what you can and can’t do and then plan accordingly. Whatever your situation, if you and your friend are as tight as you seem, I’m sure she will understand. In terms of etiquette as far as attending these events, I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. I think you need to do what you can, and that will be more than enough for your friend.

In terms of a gift to send, is she registered yet? Although some people think it’s “boring,” I think most brides would agree that they prefer to receive gifts off of their registry. If not, this opens things WAY up and as you likely know your friend’s tastes better than I, you might be a better judge. However, here are a few suggestions:

• How about a nice bottle of champagne with a note that says something like “looking forward to toasting with you on your big day!” If you’d like to spend a bit more, you could include a pair of pretty champagne flutes.
• A beautiful Nambe vase with a delivery of fresh flowers from someplace like flowerbud.com could also be lovely.
• How about a beautiful Leather photo album with a note that says “Wishing you many beautiful memories to come.”
• Or perhaps some fun new stationery with the couple’s names on it from fabulousstationery.com.

good luck!
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com