Reader Buzz: Fights You Should Have

Reader Buzz: Fights You Should Have

September 25th, 2006 @ 1:15 pm by Mrs. Bee
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According to this American Chronicle article, these are 8 “fights” every engaged couple should have before getting married.

Leaving the toilet seat up
Dividing up responsibilities/chores and conceptions of broader marriage roles (wife, mother, professional, etc.)
Children
Religion
Sex
Expectations for the upkeep of each other’s physical appearances
Finances
The in-laws

Mr. Bee and I talked about all of these things before getting married. Thank goodness he’s never left the toilet seat up.

Have you had these discussions? What would you take away or add to this list?

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14 Responses to “Reader Buzz: Fights You Should Have”

Guest

i have never successfully gotten my bf to put the toilet seat down. unless i make him go back in the bathroom at the time of exit to do so (since i know he didnt put it down). but i have kept at it, in hopes that one day, he would magically start doing so.

then my parents came to visit. and when i went into the bathroom after my dad, i saw that he didnt put it down either! =( i was shocked and appalled that he would do that in someone else’s home (granted, his daughters, but i have roommates!) but most of all… i had a sad realization - that my mother never won that battle either…

9/25/06 @ 1:25 pm (reply)

Guest

kanipark

we talked about all these before getting married as well… most of these questions also came up during our questionaire during our pre-marital counseling… the pastor told us that he has never seen a couple more compatible or answer so many questions “right” together

yeah~

9/25/06 @ 1:35 pm (reply)

Guest

miss violet

a checked all 8. sadly, he still forgets to put the toilet seat down!

9/25/06 @ 1:39 pm (reply)

Guest

lily

good list

9/25/06 @ 1:40 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Jellyfish (message) 1,423 posts, Bumble bee

I would add a Who Will Take Care of Your Parents in their Old Age “fight” but this could also go hand in hand with the Finances “fight.” Maybe not “fight” but i think every engaged couple should have a good hearty discussion about it. That’s one of the most recent “fights” that my FI and I have had.

9/25/06 @ 1:49 pm (reply)

Guest

turtle

For the toilet seat, we came up with a compromise. No matter what, we both have to put the toilet seat cover down, so we both lose. (say that you’re afraid his razor might fall into the toilet, or his brush- we have a organizer above the toilet.)

9/25/06 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Bluebell

Turtle - that’s the same deal we have! I was able to implement it effectively when we got our kitten. “You don’t want the kitten to fall into the toilet, DO YOU?!?!?”

And we’ve had all the others except religion, b/c that is thankfully a non-issue for both of us.

9/25/06 @ 2:08 pm (reply)

Guest

are we then supposed to resolve these issues.

9/25/06 @ 2:20 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Butterfly

yup.. we’ve all all those discussions and more. i guess i was one of the lucky ones. my fiance was already trained to put the seat down when i met him!! my brother always left it down too when we were growing up.

9/25/06 @ 2:38 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

YuMMie

wow so many issues… i actually don’t know if he puts the toilet seat is up or down. lol. i have a son, brother and father in the house so i’m pretty used to the toilet seat up. it doesn’t bother me but more sensitive issues like dividing the responsibilities, religion, finances, in-laws definitely need to be discuss and compromise before a marriage. i have to add to the list- if you’re a single parent with children… should that be under the “children” category? we’re definitely going to see my pastor for pre-marital counseling before marriage which i think it’s very healthy for the relationship.

9/25/06 @ 3:32 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

OscarQ

We’ve had all of those discusions. I “won” the toilet seat by showing him an article on how the flush actual kicks up tiny particles of waste that can spead to something like 10 feet. After that he happily put the toilet seat down to protect his toothbrush from nasty mist.

I can’t think of anything to add but we have precana this weekend so something interesting may come of it. I guess the most important thing to learn is how to work issues out and how to argue with each other without it turning into a huge fight.

9/25/06 @ 5:46 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Rebecca

I agree with the need to discuss who will take care of aging parents. (I brought my man back home to meet the folks and tell them we’re engaged, a week later my Mom found out she has ovarian cancer.)
Also geography is important. Although I met my fiance while living in SF, I’m a southern girl at heart and would never want to raise a family here. Plus his job limits where we can live, so that was hard for me.

9/26/06 @ 4:37 am (reply)

13.

Guest

tristan

arg…. the in-laws.

9/26/06 @ 10:27 am (reply)

14.

Guest

*sigh* I wish I could fight about leaving the seat up- I can’t even get him to close the door when he’s in there WITH the seat up… It’s sort of cute, but kind of yucky… about 50-50.

9/27/06 @ 4:39 am (reply)