Wedding Blog

lol… miss blueberry, love you already!

Well, as a 26 year old woman who DOES have all her own teeth, I have to say that I LIKE knitting. It’s calming. I don’t do it ’cause it’s “cool” and a lot of “stars” do it. I do it because I learned young, and I ENJOY it. I don’t make socks, or knit little caps for my hope chest, but I make scarves that come in colors that I wear a lot. And because all the cool ones are made of wool, which I’m allergic to. And I have to say, my fifteen year-old niece doesn’t think knitting is just for grandma’s and mothers-to-be, either. I understand what you’re saying, but knitting is fun to me.

I think miss blueberry is the shit! :)!!!! I understand completely why you posted that article! Hasn’t anyone heard of “independant woman” by Destiny’s Child???

And they said no booze. I’m sorry but if I gotta stand up infront of all those people, you better believe me and my girls will be taking a swig of something! hahaha

that comic strip totally states my view on all the woman submission cr*p! hahaa i love it!

Amber - Miss Blueberry’s point was not that there is anything wrong with knitting; she said that she herself enjoys handiwork. Her point was that today, in 2006, people are still promoting the idea that women should be demure, and quiet, and should knit so they don’t get too worked up - that would be unladylike! And that attitude is inexcuseable.

And Miss Blueberry, much love for this post! And also for showcasing a Bougeureau - he’s one of my favorite artists.

oh…and i enjoy knitting too!

lol. you’re the best miss blueberry. i’ve read that article before but just glanced through it hahaha, but the pictures sealed the deal.

lmao @ “first time with the intercourse”

knowing my friends and sister, who’d most likely be my bridesmaids, they would make so much fun of me if i asked them to do that stuff. i’d never live it down!

It is a joke? Perhaps an article from Good Housekeeping circa 1955? No? Just checking.

Miss Blueberry, the comic strip is hilarious =P I’ll be shaking on my wedding day, let alone knitting! Couldn’t they suggest something more realistic, like eating?

I’m pretty sure the “knitting” reference was one enterprising Knot editor’s idea of appearing “hip”. Um, ya might recall that there’s been a huge resurgence in all sorts of handicrafts … done in a kind of ironic, snarky way. It’s so retro it’s COOL. Get it?

*Ug*
I couldn’t even make it through the whole article. I’ve apparently been a very unattentive bridesmaid in the past! I have a hard time with the knot anyway- I just look at the local boards.

I liked the comic strip, as well. =)

This is really long, but I had to do it… this is will probably be my schedule.

8:30 a.m.
Up and at ‘em — your big day has arrived. Grab some bacon and eggs - you’re too stressed out to think about what’s good for you. Drink a shit load of coffee - you got NO sleep the night before - and mix some aspirin into your coffee for that hangover.

8:45 a.m.
Throw up your breakfast - your stomach is a mess and you can’t keep anything down. You’re nervous as all hell. You think, Damn, wish I stuck to my plan and didn’t drink so much at the rehearsal dinner.

9:00 a.m.
Take a time-out. Call your future husband and yell at him for not monitoring your alcohol intake the night before.

10:15 a.m.
Hit the showers. Actually, there’s probably time for a calming soak in the tub, but you haven’t cleaned your bathroom in weeks - skip it and take a shower. Keep the cell or cordless phone close at hand, just in case you want to call your mother and yell at her for ruining your life.

11:00 a.m.
Head to your friend’s walk-up studio apartment to get dressed - fuck! You can’t afford a bridal suite… forget the emergency bag - all you need right now is a giant everything bagel with butter to calm your stomach down.

11:30 a.m.
Your maid of honor should be in tow at this point, she’s got a hangover too. You commiserate all morning. You forgot your robe so you’re stuck getting your hair and makeup done in your bra. Now is a good time to call that MOFO up from the limo service. The ahole has been jerking you around for weeks and it’s just about that time for Bridezilla to make an appearance. You eventually tell him that you’re going to sue him and he announces that he’s not coming to get you and you’re on your own.

12:00 noon
Bridesmaids arrive with Mimosas! THANK GOD! A little hair of the dog will do you good. F that damn limo driver… this is NYC afterall - you’ll take cabs. It will be “charming” and very NYC. Pat yourself on the back for sticking it to that limo driver. Relax by focusing on the complaint you’ll be filing with the Court of Common Pleas after the honeymoon. He ahs no idea who he’s fucking with - ah, this is soothing.

12:30 p.m.
Hair and makeup stylists arrive. Maid of honor is busy pouring up the drinks and singing Irish fight songs. Bridesmaids start to argue about who will go first. You smile, ah, like college again - Me and all my girls arguing about hair. Meanwhile, the studio apartment is filling up quickly!

1:30 p.m.
Mom arrives with your dress - yell at her for not holding it the right way. Join in with your maid of honor and sing Irish fight songs.

2:15 p.m.
Groom’s mom arrives - judgmental bitch will certainly ruin the fun of drinking mimosas and singing Irish fight songs. Designate one of you bridesmaids to try to calm the bitch down with some drinks.

2:30 p.m.
Lunchtime — make it simple but nourishing - PIZZA! You’ve been on your wedding diet long enough. Time to chow.

3:15 p.m.
The next two hours are insane. You didn’t follow the suggested Knot schedule and now you’re fucked. Quick - Rush all the bridesmaids through getting their hair done. Call your future husband and cry because he forgot to send the nice letter you were expecting telling you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. Make sure his mother hears so she knows what a shitty job she did raising a son. **You wouldn’t do this sober, but those mimosas just hit the spot!**

4:00 p.m.
Bouquets arrive - they’re not as big as the florist promised. Bite your tongue - now’s not the time to sue another vendor. Photographer’s assistant arrives and looks disgusted by the site of 15 people packed in a studio apartment. But hey, you managed not to burn your face with pizza sauce so you’re feeling pretty good.

5:00 p.m.
Photographer arrives for shots of bride and bridesmaids! He’s pretty hot and now you’re having second thoughts and thinking that perhaps you should be marrying your photographer instead.

5:20 p.m.
Time to slip into your wedding gown. Yell at your attendants for annoying you with the bustle. Step into your shoes - OUCH! You should have tried them on before buying them.

5:45 p.m.
Dad arrives at your friend’s apartment and is mad that you screwed up the limos he’s already paid for. You yell at your mom for annoying you. Race down the steps and grab a cab over to the ceremony.

6:00 p.m.
Bridesmaids flag down cabs and curse you out for screwing up the limos. Groom’s mother is from out of town and can’t figure out how to get a cab - - good.

6:10 p.m.
Meet with your Rabbi in designated room - You got a rabbi even though neither you nor your fiance are Jewish to irritate your very (too) Christian future mother in law. You discuss again the fact that you want the rabbi to mention that you’ll be raising your children in the Jewish faith. Enjoy the look of horror on your future mother in law’s face.

6:20 p.m.
Hang out with your maids and sing dirty sorority songs from college. Now we’re having some fun!

Meanwhile, the prelude begins. Your guests are being seated. One of the bridesmaids tells you that your 16 year old nephew just got busted having sex in the bathroom with his girlfriend. Act appalled, but really you’re psyched for the kid! And hey, the night’s off with a bang!

6:30 p.m.
You have no idea what the very stupid ushers are doing, but you hope for the best … and frankly, at this point, whatever.

The Rabbi takes his place - Welcomes everyone with a giant SHOLOM! (no one is Jewish, but hey you lived on the upper west side for a hundred years - you know no other way.)

Groom and Groomsmen didn’t pay attention the night before so they have no idea where to stand. One of your bridesmaids has to go down and make sure their not fucking everything up.

6:35 p.m.
Procession music starts.

Wedding party attendants take their places - FUCKING SAINTS! Even drunk these girls come through for you and pull it together. LOVE THEM!

6:40 p.m.
Your dad looks at you with tears in his eyes and asks if you’re really going to marry this loser… you respond with an enthusiastic YES! You’re all ready to go!