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On another site I was visiting today (shoutout to Pricescope!), a bunch of brides were discussing what their wedding “dealbreakers” are. As in, I couldn’t care less what the cake looks like, but I HAVE to have the perfect dress, or whatever matters most to you.
My only real dealbreaker was having the wedding at my family’s summer house upstate. There is just no way I would agree to plan aaaaany sort of wedding, no matter how gorgeous, that did not result in our getting married there. I still don’t have a caterer, a photographer, an officiant…but I know where I’m getting married!!!
Other things I feel strongly about are the dress, the invitations…the atmosphere, but I could ultimately be happy within a (smallish) range of variations for each of those. Things like the cake, the music, the menu…I want them to be GOOD but, you know, I’m not going to flip out if we can’t go with A so we end up with B for whatever reason.
Do you have any drop-dead dealbreakers for your wedding? If you couldn’t get it, would you postpone a year, or have it on a weekday, or otherwise smoosh things around for it? What are your general priorities of what you want the most, vs. what you don’t care about so much?
Well, I have my “I need good cake”. And it had to be on a certain day, which was my grandma’s b-day (she passed away). That’s it, really.
After doing some research, I decided I HAD to have the reception at the venue we chose, and we HAD to have a church wedding (which was difficult to arrange since it’s a destination wedding and most priests required us to come visit often, or wouldn’t let us have a wedding there because we weren’t members). Also, I needed and wanted the photographer we have now. I booked him the same time as our reception venue and our church… I hate to say it, but I stole him away from another couple. Hey, you snooze you lose!!
Just the groom. The rest of it is gravy.
For me, the most important thing was the location, just like you. I cannot think of a more beautiful place than the backyard - plus, it’s so personal and unique.
I wouldn’t say it was a dealbreaker, like if it didn’t work out I wouldn’t want to get married. I would marry my wonderful man anywhere, anytime!
i was engaged, and my fiance had sex with one of our wedding guests before a lot of plans were made, so that was over in a heartbeat.
i have to say that idk what ill do if i cant have white lilies and find the right shade of green for the bridesmaids/flower girls dresses when the time comes (for real this time), but that can be dealt with. 
i HAD to get married at the family church, but an interfaith ceremony made too many congregants uncomfortable, so i won’t be getting married there.
i am re-arranging the budget to get the dress i want and beautiful invites. i’d take a third job if i had too!
Haha, the groom, the groom being faithful, and having the wedding at all, were all assumed. 
IF you have all those, is there anything that would make you sacrifice some other big element (time, officiant, location) b/c you just HAD to have ~~~? I didn’t mean dealbreaker like in R’s story - now THAT is a REAL dealbreaker!! But if you’re going to have the groom (behaving himself) and the wedding, what is big enough to make you base your other plans around it?
#1 for me is Mr. Lily– obviously. #2 is booze at the wedding. Is that terrible? I just think these things are so much more festive after a few glasses of bubbly (or beer, or whatever your alcohol of choice is).
I didn’t want it to be at a church, and I wanted alcohol to be served (mom did not approve). Beyond that I’m fairly flexible.
#1 the groom, OBVIOUSLY ;).
but in terms of vendors, locations and all that stuff… i HAD to have a FABULOUS photographer. we’re spending about a third of our budget on the photographer.
Daisies must be incorporated in some way, shape or form. They were my mom’s wedding flower, and have been my fave flower for as long as I can remember.
Also, really, really good cake. Now we are leaning towards having individual cakes as centerpieces so we can have more flavors!
my dealbreaker was the venue. i absolutely wanted a beautiful venue that had that bling factor; where everyone’s jaw would drop the minute they stepped inside (and also helps in terms of decorating costs since i won’t have to do much as the place is already gorgeous…). the other dealbreaker was doing the typical “korean church reception” + “afterparty for the younger people” type of wedding. (altho I ended up compromising on that.)
I have a lot of dealbreakers–does that make me too demanding? Luckily for me, though, everything seems to be working out OK.
Alcohol was a big thing for me too–we were originally planning on having the wedding this past August, but my parents protested–it was 1 month before my 21st birthday. I still get majorly P.O.’d thinking about it. Well, we obviously opted to move the wedding back several months so we can have alcohol at the reception.
The venue was also a BIG deal–I fell in love with it the moment I saw it and had to have it–so much so that we’re having the wedding on a Friday because every Saturday of the summer was already taken! (we actually got the LAST Friday that was available, too!)
But other things–my dress, the food, etc. was all pretty negotiable. I’m still glad I’m getting my way though 
Not so much deal BREAKERS, but I had to have a Saturday evening wedding…not day time weddin gnad not Friday or Sunday. We moved our date once to get a Sat. night. We had 3 photogs picked out and it HAD to be one of them. It had to be open bar, but everyone agreed so that wasn’t a bit deal. And lastly, it couldn’t be between Memorial Day and Labor Day. I get mad at my friend when they take away a beach weekend of mine for their wedding, so I didn’t want to take away anyone elses summer. note: I do go to weddings during the summer, but I grumble a lot before we get there.
One of my biggest things was music-I was vehemently against a band but I wanted a DJ that would agree to play EXACTLY what I wanted. I scared off the first two and luckily my third has been very easy to deal with. I am sort of a music “snob” and I didn’t want to hear the chicken dance and the electric slide or any crap like that at my wedding but I still wanted people to be able to dance. Other than that-the food, cake etc…no big deal.
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Mrs. Bluebell, New York Age and Occupation in 07: 26, Finance Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Playing with the cat and/or Consulting Engagement Date: December 25, 2005 Wedding Date: June 2007 Venue: Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks About Me: Trying to find the perfect balance between family tradition (marrying at the house everyone else in my family gets married at), making our's modern, interesting and different from everyone else in my family's, and incorporating some Chinese tradition for my Chinese fiance. I really have no idea what it's going to end up looking like! Also, I picked Miss Bluebell for my name because I have blue eyes and I'm a loser like that.
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