In today’s hive:
- M is looking for information on renting a wedding dress in the New York area.
- Pam’s 2 flowergirls are wearing qi paos down the aisle. Do you think it’ll look weird if the ringbearer wears a tux? She’s having trouble finding an appropriately formal Chinese outfit for him. And it looks ok when the bride wears a qi pao and the groom stays in his tux?
- Chris is looking for photographer suggestions in the LA/OC area.
- Becky’s friend is looking for creative centerpiece ideas and pictures that don’t use flowers or candles for a Catholic Church.
- Beth wants to know the appropriates ages for flower girls and ringbearers. Her flower girl is is 8.
- Mrs. M got married over two months ago and hasn’t received gifts from some of her guests (mostly single male friends). She’s not sure if they didn’t give a gift or whether it got lost in the shuffle. What’s the etiquette on bringing this up, or should she bring it up at all?
- jenn is looking for korean salons that do amazing, affordable straight perms in nyc.
To add your question to the beehive, leave a comment below and we’ll update this post to include your question. See all past beehives here.
Related Posts
31 Responses to “Beehive”
pam! (it’s me kinsiekins!) hah! i think the ringbearers will look cute in tuxes with the girls in qi paos! like you said…the groom stays in his tux when you change into your qi pao so they’ll be like mini versions of the bride + groom. =)
Pam, you can have the boy dressed in the male’s version of qi pao (I don’t know the name) but it’s a mandarin outfit similiar to the qi pao but for gentlemen.
Chris,
when we first were choosing, we considered Leslie Barton (an LA photographer who would travel to NY, though we decided to stay local in the end).
she is pretty amazing and friends of mine used her at their LA wedding and the results were spectacular:
http://www.lesliebarton.com/
i spoke to her a few times on the phone also, and she’s got a great personality to boot, so…
good luck!
miss daisy: my best friend used Leslie for his wedding in LA as well. but i heard she may not be doing weddings anymore? i wonder if it’s the same friend… CH + AK?
wedding one
http://www.weddingone.com/
I have a question: What is the most appropriate ages for a flowergirl or ring bearer? My ringbearer will be 5, but my flowergirl will be 8 by the wedding. Is she getting to old to be a flowergirl?
i’m planning to have my groom just wear a tux. it’s hard to find a dignified looking chinese outfit for the guys.
i thought the combination would look fine after seeing amber’s profile…
http://www.theknot.com/co_profileview.htm?profilename=Amber888
Hi beth,
I think between the ages of 4-8 are typical for flower girls and ringbearers. Maybe even up to age 9, but i think ages 9 and up should be considered a junior bridesmaid.
Beth–
I think 8 is definitely OK! Though it can depend on the girl’s maturity, too, among a whole slew of other circumstances.
I have 4 FGs who will be (at the time of the wedding): 18 months, almost 5, 8, and 9. They’re all cousins and are really close to one another–I couldn’t leave any one of them out! In some situations the 18 month old would be waaay too young, and the 9-year-old should be a JBM, but since they’re so close to each other I think it’s only fair that they all get to be FGs. The littlest one probably won’t even try to go down the aisle, though 
heeh
Pam, they have formal Chinese clothing outfits for boys at Pearl River (located in NYC Chinatown).
Beth,
Both my FG and RB will be 8.5 when I get married. The next children I would use, would be too young. I think it will be just fine!
beth… 8 is just fine… i agree with mrs. bee’s comment…
although my doggie was our ringbearer 
Chris, my photographers are FABULOUS. Check them out: http://www.nextexitphotography.com. They are a husband and wife team based in LA but they travel anywhere.
thanks everyone (hi sarah!). pearl river has a website so i will check that out to see what i can find. i still need to visit chinatown here in LA as well.
chris: if you have a budget range for photography, i can dig through my links from my research. we have a tiny budget, but photography is super important to me. we are using andrea from red loft studios (http://redloftstudios.com/main.php). we also met with next exit (http://nextexitphotography.com/) who are very popular with LA knotties.
hi M…you can rent wedding dresses from the wedding studios in Chinatown, NYC. Highlight Studio (highlightstudio.com) and Just Pretty Bridal are two that I know of. Wedding Group One (weddinggroupone.com) also rents, but I hear their dresses are on the pricey side. Good luck!
BEEHIVE QUESTION!
We were married a little over two months ago, and have not received gifts from several of our guests (most of them single male friends) We aren’t sure if the gifts were just lost in the shuffle or if they just didn’t give us anything to begin with. What is the etiquette here - should we bring it up to them (and if so, how) or let it go?
beehive question!
any recommendations for korean salons that do amazing (and affordable!) straight perms in the nyc area?
mrs. m: please do NOT bring it up with them. and really, what is there to say: “you owe me — so where is my gift?”
if you don’t recieve anything, you don’t; if you do, great! no need to keep score –
Mrs. M - it’s definitely a legitimate concern because what if they did send you a gift and you don’t thank them properly. Although bringing it up may put them on the spot if they didn’t get you a gift. Let me look this up in my etiquette book…
renting a wedding dress: the place where i bought mine does rentals starting at 250 or so, plus the price of cleaning. its called myrjan in brooklyn and the shop owner is really great.
jenn - what do you mean by affordable? the only (and best!) place i know is hidy hair salon in ktown manhattan, but i’m pretty sure they charge a pretty penny. but they are known for it….
We’re not having an engagement party until late March so my FMIL was talking about sending out engagement announcements. I’m just wondering if that’s common these days, as I’ve never received one.
Thanks!
Mrs. M - We’ve been married almost 2 months too. We haven’t received gifts from (surprisingly) many guests. We haven’t brought it up. I just figured they didn’t bring any and no big deal. We received lots of great gifts. Mrs. Bee brings up a good point though about what if they were lost.
if the gifts were lost, it is up to the sender to inquire. if the couple asks, it looks like they are asking for a gift; however, if the sender asks, they are merely following up.
But if a sender asks about a gift, isn’t it like asking “where’s my thank you note you bad bride”?
If they’re single male friends of your husband, perhaps he can bring up the topic somehow so they won’t feel uncomfortable - like mentioning that you are going crazy writing all your thank you notes, or have a good laugh at some of the sillier presents you received. That might open the door for them to say something if they sent you one - and if they don’t say anything, chances are they didn’t.
if the sender asks about the gift, and it was indeed lost in the mail, the couple and the sender can exchange mutual words of horror over the loss, and decide what to do.
the sender can generously offer to send a new gift, and the couple can also generously offer to decline.
Pam- On the qipao thing, I personally think that will look just fine. And because I’m working on an MA in East Asian Art and never miss an opportunity to show off- the reason that a qipao looks just fine when paired with Western formal wear is because a qipao actually IS Western formal wear. It was developed in the 1920s and 1930s in China based on the Western fashion styles (flapper dress, bobbed hair, high heels, etc.) of the time, with certain Chinese textile elements (Mandarin collar, frog closures, brocade/embroidered pattern) added. It’s become considered a very Chinese sort of dress but its origins were in a combination of Western and Chinese clothing. Because of that, it actually pairs better with a tuxedo than with any kind of traditional Chinese formal wear for men, since it was, well, really meant to. So, the simple answer is YES! It’ll look just fine! In fact I think it’ll look really pretty, I love the idea.
So my boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together once we’re engaged to save more aggressively for the wedding and a house. When I talked to my mom about it she pretty much lost her mind and told me about how my family values have gone down the drain and that I was setting a bad example for all the family members younger than me. She made me feel terrible.
Did anyone here live with their S.O. before getting married? Can anyone give me some advice to help solve this problem?
my now fiance & I moved in together when we were boyfriend/girlfriend & while neither set of parents were thrilled we are adults & we made that decision on our own.
it worked out great, i’ve never regretted it for a second & to be honest with you i’m glad we did live together first. we had the best time ever & it made me realize how much i really LIKED him. you’d be amazed how many people are madly in LOVE but don’t actually LIKE their spouses!! what if i had found out after we married (& this just happened to a friend of mine by the way!!!) that we just couldn’t live together at all? and we grew to hate every little thing about each other?? i’d rather know before the ridiculously expensive walk down the aisle
it’s a very personal decision but that’s just my 2 cents!!
lanamia: My fiance and I moved in together after getting engaged, mostly because we never saw each other. We still never see each other, but at least we can wave in passing.
None of our parents complained, because we didn’t give them a chance to. It’s our bloody choice, and there are so many things for my mum to make me feel terrible about, I didn’t give her a chance to complain.
lanamia, I was in your shoes two years ago, and me and my boyfriend weren’t even engaged (and still aren’t)! He moved from another country to be with me, and due to financial difficulties AND firstly because we both were ready, we decided the best idea was to live together. I have not regreted it for one second. My parents gave me the whole guilt trip, didn’t want to help me move, tried to forbid my sisters to visit, omg.. etc. My advice: they don’t get a vote! “I’m so sorry you feel that way, mom and dad, but I am responsible and intelligent - thanks to the way you raised me, by the way - and this is the best decision for me. So how’s the weather in hometown, anyway?”
You asked for advice on how to solve this problem. To be honest, the problem is *hers.* I know you love your mom and don’t want to disappoint her, but as harsh as it sounds, it’s not your job to live HER life. You are doing the best you can and making the best decisions possible. I think saving money shows GREAT fortitude and foresight, especially since you and fiance are ready to move in. Leave the problem with her. I did not shut down about the topic, because I wasn’t going to let my parents change me. I figured until they told me “Crimsonsky, shut up, we do not want to hear about this anymore” I was going to remain true to myself and involve them and my sisters and brother in this part of my life. It never got to that point, by the way. They remind me every so often they disagree, but I’m almost 28, they’ve accepted it.
Bottom line: set your own definition for what it means to be a good person/fiance/wife/daughter and proudly live by that, not someone else’s.
Beehive
Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
My friend is wanting creative centerpieces (preferably pictures) that DON’T use flowers or candles. Ideas? (Reception will be in a Catholic church)