Weddingbee Blog

Spurred by Chris’s beehive question yesterday, I’ve been thinking more about name changing. I have always found it a particularly interesting issue, and since I first started thinking about getting engaged, it has caused me quite a bit of internal conflict. For my personal situation, there are a number of pros and cons for taking or not taking Mr. Bluebell’s last name, some of which may or may not be relevant to you!

So here’s my list, in no particular order:

PROS:
- We would be one family unit, both of us and our kids all sharing the same name for warm mushy reasons.
- We would be one family unit, all sharing the same name for pesky busybodies who may or may not make judgements on whether we’re really married, or whether that’s really our kid.
- It’s just easier; a lot of people will probably assume I take it whether I do or not.
- Mr. Bluebell’s name is undeniably cooler sounding (and looking when you write it).
- My current last name is extremely common and generic in the US and the vast majority of people I have ever met with it have not been related to me, so it’s not like I’m really losing that family connection. In fact, my parents and my brother are literally the only people in my family with the same last name as me now. So I really don’t feel emotional about not being “a ~~~” anymore at all. (I am much more emotional about my middle name, which is my mother’s maiden name, so I’m keeping that one no matter what.)

CONS:
- I definitely consider myself a feminist and can’t quite shake the whole history behind why women change their names and men don’t. It seems a bit hypocritical of me to just jump on the bandwagon after all that I’ve thought about this over the years, even though I really believe that the progress has been made in that now women can choose if they want to take their husbands’ names or not. So it’s not really a backwards step to take his name after all, is it? But yet…it still kind of is, sort of?
- This is kind of a stupid one, but Mr. Bluebell’s last name is obviously Asian and I’m obviously not Asian. I certainly don’t care about that in and of itself, but I feel like it’s a little sneaky of me to use this Asian name over the phone and in email and then have people meet me and be like “Whoa! You’re not Asian!” I don’t want people to think I’m trying to trick them!!
- My current last name is at the very beginning of the alphabet and Mr. Bluebell’s is at the very end of the alphabet. So I would no longer be first on class lists or the like, and, more importantly, my children would always stand at the end of the line! I know this doesn’t actually matter either, but it somehow makes me sad to think of my kids waiting so long to hear their names called when I was always first or second. (Yes, yes, I know that doesn’t mean “better” in any conceivable way, but I’m just trying to be honest with my list here!!)

THE CONCLUSION:
I have decided to go with Firstname Middlename Maidenname Hislastname. So most of the time I’ll write my name Firstname Maidenname Hislastname, for work or random semi-official things, but it won’t be hyphenated or anything. So legally I would still be Mrs. Hislastname, and in a hurry, I’d just write that alone.

My precedents for this idea are (1) my mom, who did this and still writes out all 4 names on a pretty regular basis. Her email address is her Firstname Maidenname Lastname which is how she generally signs things, but she’s still Firstname Lastname a lot too. And neither she nor I have to lose our original middle names (both of which are our mother’s maiden names respectively), or last names, which are just that basic identifier when someone goes, “Wait, Jane who?” (2) Hillary Rodham Clinton. She’s still Hillary Clinton, but how often do you see the Rodham in there too? Pretty dang often!

So this way I don’t have to lose any part of my original birth name, I just get to tack one more on the end there! (And my mom says it’s never been a problem paperwork-wise. If there are only blanks for First, Middle, & Last, then she puts her maiden name as middle, but if there is also a blank for maiden, she puts that there and puts her original middle in the “middle” slot.)

Okay, that’s enough about my decision and (a few of) the million little thoughts that went into it! Are you changing your name? How did you come to your decision?

And just for fun…it’s a poll!

I hope that covers all (or at least most ) of the options! Please do comment with your reasons as well; I always find it so interesting how people come to their decisions!