In today’s beehive:
- Jelly is not having an engagement party until March so she is wondering if sending out engagement announcements is common these days as she’s never received one.
- lanamia and her boyfriend want to move in together to save money for a wedding. Her mom thinks she’s cuckoo for coco puffs and thinks it’s setting a bad example for other family members. Did you live with your SO before getting married? Any advice on how to solve this problem?
- Tea is looking for oversized cardstock 8 1/2×14 or 11×17 etc. where she doesn’t have to pay per sheet.
- Jessi’s MOH highly recommended a DJ, but she was a little weirded out when he told her to come hear him at an actual wedding reception and stand in the back and
“spy.” Has anyone else ever done this? - Jenn’s still looking for a place to get an affordable straight perm in ny.
- Jenn’s mom is throwing her a bridal shower with mostly her church friends as guests. Any suggestions for favors?
- minapoly is considering hiring a day of coordinator and is wondering if she needs to provide a dinner seat for her.
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23 Responses to “Beehive”
jelly - i haven’t received any engagement announcements. granted, none of my friends had engagement parties either so i guess it just depends on the couple.
lanamia - if you figure out a way to pursade your parents, let me know. good luck!
i also have a question. i was wondering if anyone knew where to buy oversized cardstock [like 8 1/2 x 14 or 11 x 17 and so forth]. i’d rather not have to pay per sheet.
Jelly, word spreads fast via word of mouth. I don’t think you need to send out an engagement announcement - I’ve never received one myself either.
Lanamia - there is no way my parents would have approved of me moving in with mr. bee… but we got engaged and then it became ok. is there any way that that’s a possibility? i find the most conservative of parents seem to loosen up once your engaged. good luck!
Tea - I’ll let you know if I come across something…
lanamia- after FI and I got engaged, I moved in a few months later. Granted, i was living with my parents at the time. they had a hard time with it, but it helps that im only a couple miles away, and i go visit often. i think that kinda softened the blow, you know? i was very afraid of my grandparents knowing, but in the end, everyone still loves us the same! And plus they love hearing all the stories of us living together and working out the quirks. 
good luck!
i do have a question…i have been speaking with a DJ that came highly recommended to me from a friend, and my MOH was a guest there, and said he was perfect. not too much, but not to boring.
anywho, he gave me the info, and said i can come see him at a wedding this weekend, to make sure that we like him. I am kinda weirded out that I would go to another reception and stand in the back to “spy” on the DJ.
thoughts? anyone do this? thanks!
jelly - i’ve been to several weddings but have yet to receive an engagement announcemenet.
lanamia - i’ve lived with my FI for four years now and my parents haven’t had a problem w/ it. you can tell your mother that living together will help you save money since you’ll be splitting the bills, rent, etc.
lanamia - my now-FI and I moved in together last fall. we were both paying rent, so he decided to buy a house and have me move in. my parents and GPs were VERY disappointed and vocally opposed. I tried to stress to them this is our decision, it would make me happy, and it was a step in our relationship, not an endpoint. (I actually got the cow/milk speech).
okay… i have to ask… what is the cow/milk speech? o_O
alessette, it’s the whole, no one buys the cow when the get the milk for free thing. basically why you’re supposed to wait until you’re married to have the sex
Thanks for everyone’s response. After doing some more research, I think engagement announcements are pretty rare these days. Some etiquette websites even discourage it. Or course, all the stationer website encourage it!
Lanamia - my parents were ok with it once they knew we were going to get engaged. I think it also depends on people your parents know. My parents saw that alot of kids of our family friends did the same so they started to understand that for our generation, it’s not as big of a deal. They didn’t explicitly tell my grandparents or aunts/uncles but they don’t go out of their way to hide it either. Good luck!
repeat question: any recommendations for korean salons in the nyc area that does a great and affordable job at straight perms?
new question: my mom is throwing me a bridal shower with her korean church friends making up most of the guests. any ideas for appropriate yet fun/cute favors? thanks!
lanamia: my hubbs & i lived together before we got married… at first my mom was against it, cuz she didn’t want her friends thinking badly of us (and her)…
first of all, i don’t think she should tell her friends anything anyway… but she was much more comfortable knowing that we were engaged… to her it was more committed… tha just being gf & bf…
Lanamia - My SO and I have lived together for over a year now, and the wedding is still 20 months away!!
At first it was a bit of a problem… but my family grew used to the idea. They thought if we lived together, we wouldn’t be able to make it work. Well, it’s working. We not only live together, but we both hold down 2 jobs together!!
Hi Lanamia! I am still living with my bf and we are not even engaged yet. My parents were opposed of the idea since I would stay over every weekend, which later became every week, which is now pretty much permanent. haha But back to the point, they have now accepted the idea since we’ve been together for 5 yrs now. Just promise to visit often and go home for family dinners.
Lanamia- I was riding with my father in the combine (I grew up on a farm) a year ago and he said, so this this with A is getting serious? This is probably not very father like, but why haven’t you moved in together? I about died. So needless to say, it was ok with everyone except his grandparents when we did move in together in August. And since we’ll be married in 65 days, we haven’t told his grandparents. Good luck!
jenn - you’re looking for a straight perm and not a magic perm? i don’t think they should be too expensive at any of the salons in ktown. straight perms are a lot more affordable than magic perms. try giving hidy a call.
also favors for korean church women - they like practical things like pens.
good luck!
Jessi - We had several DJ’s recommend we spy during other people’s receptions. All assured me the brides are asked this before the wedding and they only offer if the bride is ok. We went to a few and actually ruled out some based on seeing them there.
jenn — i threw a korean church people bridal shower; it was primarily the bride’s mom’s friends. it was themed as a “cooking” bridal shower, and i asked each woman to give the bride a recipe.
for favors, i gave the guests a choice — i knew some liked to garden, so i had potted herbs. for those who didn’t garden, i made a little basket with muffins and scones and jam for breakfast the next morning.
I am considering of hiring a day-of-coordinator for my special day. I was wondering if I am supposed to provide a seat for her during the reception? Since I am paying per person for dinner, that would be an extra cost to me. Please let me know..Thanks!
Thanks for the advice guys! You guys are awesome. Seriously, I asked the same question on theknot NEY forum and got eaten alive. I don’t think I’m ever going back there.
You bugs are fantastic!
hi minapoly,
you don’t have to provide a seat for your vendor. ask your venue what their policy is on dinner for vendors. some will feed them for free and some may charge a discounted rate. but you definitely do not have to provide them a dinner seat at your reception.
lanamia - I think you’ve asked a question that plagues MILLIONS of couples….
When my BF and I moved in together 1.5 yrs ago, my parents were ok with it, his were not. His mom actually said “so does this mean you’re making it legal now?”. To which I was tempted to respond, “actually it isn’t illegal in NY to live with someone you’re not married to”. (I held my tongue reminding myself that she could be my MIL someday! 1.5 years later they are totally fine with it and have accepted it.
My best advice would be to try to explain to your parents that you are an adult, and that you really hope they can be happy for you. If you are financially independent from them, it’s not their decision. Eventually they will accept it.
I also HIGHLY encourage living with your SO before marriage. My BF and I had a TOUGH first 3 months together, and personally I can’t imagine dealing with all those feelings and adjustments in addition to dealing with the adjustment of being married.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
minapoly,
as the pp suggested, you don’t need to provide a ’seat’ for your coordinator but you should provide a vendor meal for him/her and also for all your vendors! Usually its at a greatly discounted rate and isn’t necessarily the same food as your guests will get, but sometimes is. Check your contracts too, some vendors actually require a meal.
HTH!
Beehive
Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
jelly - i’ve only gotten one engagment announcements and i’ve been to many wedding. so i don’t think it matters, only if it matters to you
lanamia - i had a similar problem. my parents were against us living together before we were engaged but afterwards they did say that it made more sense and we’re getting married anyway… are your parents helping you pay for rent? because if they are i think they have every right to tell you if you can live with him or not. but if you are, i think you should write the pros and cons and talk to your parents again. good luck!