Wedding Blog
I was reading David Bach’s national bestseller Smart Couples Finish Rich the other night, and in it he discusses prenuptial agreements. We all know that this is a touchy subject for most couples but it should not be ignored. He suggests most couples should discuss them early on in the engagement, even before getting engaged. He also says asking your husband/wife to sign a prenup doesn’t mean there is something wrong with the relationship - it just proves how serious they are about their financial future.
Between myself and my fiance, we don’t know of anyone who has gotten one done before their wedding. But then again this issue is kind of personal so maybe they haven’t said anything about it.
I was wondering if anyone has discussed this subject with their prospective spouses and what kind of reactions they have received, both positive and negative.
My fiance says that if he were a lawyer advising me about prenuptial agreements, he would tell all of his clients to get a prenup to mitigate any future disputes, but that as a spouse he would feel a bit hurt/insulted. But he generally supports whatever I want to do regarding this issue. I am a bit on the fence…..any thoughts ladies?
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I agree that prenups are tricky and at times quite necessary. My fiance and I are pretty level headed and have no intentions to sign a prenup because (1) we have no money 
(2)anything that we acquire later would be something we did together and if we split (which we do not intend to do) it would only be fair that it was divided up at least 50/50 or some other mutually agreed upon arrangement.
My favorite prenups are not the logical ones but the ones that state that if the wife/husband gains x amout of weight then they lose x amount of money or if the female births x amout of children then she gets an amount equal to the # of children multiplied by a dollar amount. They really crack me up because beyond the money it’s just insane to put a price on children and appearance in a marriage.
i would get a prenup if i had something to protect. like my family’s money or something. luckily for us, mr. butterfly and i dont have any assets! =P
My best friend had to get sign a prenup before she and her husband got married . . . it was a requirement her husband’s family had (four boys all inheriting a big family business). She seemed okay with it in the beginning, but found the process to be really demeaning. It took a lot out of her.
fi and i have discussed prenups. although we have very little money now, we know that in the future we will have children and a house (and lots of debt!) and want to protect that future. i have joked that i don’t want a prenup because if anything happens, i want to be able to take him for everything we have.
we have also discussed power of attorney (which fi hates because he dislikes the thought of anything happening to either of us), but it is important: for us, our families and our future kids.
The one great thing about being poor is that you never have to worry about this topic.
I mentioned it once and then realized Mr. Orange and I do not have much money to fight over —- Yes, blessed are the poor 
We discussed getting a prenup quite a bit. I’m totally in the camp that smart couples talk about the “what ifs” and ignoring the possibility that something unpredictable might happen is setting yourself up for trouble. I’ve heard people say that couples who talk about prenups aren’t committed or serious enough about marriage. I think we’re being even more serious by discussing what are deal breakers for us, and how we could protect each other in the case something horrible happens.
We ended up not getting one because in our state pre-marital property remains as such so neither of us had to worry that the other’s business and inheritance would be divided up in the case of divorce.
I always looked at a prenup like car insurance. I have car insurance in case I get in an accident. I don’t want to get in an accident but it is a possibility. The same is true of a prenup. I don’t want to get divorced but divorce is a possibility considering over 50% of marriages end in divorce, so you have a prenup in that event. I also see it as, it is better to deal with how to divide money, items etc. while you still love the person and want the best for them instead of when you are angry or hurt by them.
Because my fiance and I both wanted a prenup, we sat down and talked about all the money we each had, debt we had, how we viewed debt, things we hoped to happen in the future like being able to own a home, our future kids education etc. Though it was a bit of a bummer to talk about all those things and how they would be divded in the event of divorce it seemed good to have everything out in the open and on the table.
In the end we were unable to get a prenup because in our state it requires two attorneys and it was too expensive for us to afford. But the conversation still allowed us to have a serious detailed discussion about money etc.
I am totally pro prenup though and if I had had the money I would have gotten one.
Out of the 20 couples who married in the past five years, only 2 have prenups. One groom married a girl from a wealthy family and while they didn’t discuss it, it was understood that there was a prenup. The other couple was a girl marrying into a family with lots of money and a family business. Since she’s a close friend I was privy to her debate on the issue and it was really hard for her but she eventually signed.
It’s not an issue for us, we’re not from money and we make almost the same now and our prospects for the future are even. At one point my FI was in another field and stood to earn lots of money and, while we discussed that and a potential split and prenups he is against them.
Having lived through my parent’s divorce and my sister’s divorce I think, if it ever comes to that, we’ll handle it as they did - amicably.
Again, it helps to not have much!
We have one. Both of us come from middle class famiies, but being 35 we both have accumulated wealth and homes and felt it best just to have an understanding how assets were to be distributed. We also have a contract between us governing the home we bought together (before we were engaged). And we also have a yearly financial mtg. where we both bring our credit reports, documents showing debts and assets and we discuss. It helps us figure out who should be paying for what (based on who makes more $), what debts we want to focus on, what financial steps or investments we want to pursue. Its completely unromantic, but I promise you this, we don’t fight about money and we are both on the same page when it comes to our finances. Now that we are getting married we likely will increase our meetings to 2 times a year.
FI and I have discussed this, and we’ll probably have a prenup. His father has a business and I think it’s important that he protects it, even from me.
Prenups are not just about money! Prenups can be about children, unexpected death, protecting family etc. They’re about making decisions that both of you are happy with at a time when you can make decisions together.
I wish there wasn’t this horrible stigma attached to prenups b/c they’re useful tools. It doesn’t mean you’re a gold-digger or there’s no love or trust in your relationship.
Think of it this way: a marriage begins with you and your spouse getting to decide how to combine your lives, assets, debts, kids, everything. You two control every decision.
When there’s a divorce, the court steps in and makes all those decisions. Where the kids go, how the debts & assets are distributed, who get the house, who gets the business.
Prenups are simply a legal tool to make those decisions yourself should the need ever arise.
I think they’re a good idea, but we don’t have any assets or money at this time either, so it’s not something we’re planning on doing. I have debt, but it’s all student debt so it will stay in my name. I’ll also be making a lot more for the first few years, so that amount is going toward that debt.
we have no money. but. for my parents who are concerned about anything i would stand to inherit from them going to an errant spouse… not personal against my fiancee.. but based on family experience… they are going to put anything i would stand to inherit in trust so that only i and my children can directly benefit from it.
My parents went through a messy divorce and my dad is insistent on me getting a prenup. In fact, it is required for us in order to get his blessing. I guess he’s been burned before so he’s just watching out for me. Good thing my fiance is fine with the idea. We’re going to go through with legalzoom.com. It’s a lot cheaper than going to the lawyers.
We talked about getting a prenup before we were even engaged–and when he asked for my hand in marriage, he told my parents that he insisted on getting one (much to their delight). It was just a sensible decision when we talked about it and neither of us carry any guilt about it. We both love each other and just consider this to be a serious look at our financial future together, clearly drawing the lines for when our lives begin. Given, we’re older and we both have a number of assets (I own a home plus property shared with family, and vice-versa) so it make sense to protect our families and assets before joining our lives together.
i think prenups are a great idea theoretically- it’s a fair way to divide tangible and intangible assets while both parties are on good terms and being considerate of each others’ welfare. when one person is significantly wealthier than the other, prenups are a great way for the poorer (sorry for the wording) party to freeze their financial security. i heard that majority of people who sign on are divorcees.
practically speaking, though- it’s probably the fastest romance killer out there.
Prenups are good in theory, but too harsh in reality.
I am not against it, but to plan it before the wedding or talk about it feels like planning your child’s funeral before the birth.
I’m all for prenups. My fiance is a lawyer, so we’ve talked about it in depth for a while before we got married. One day out of the blue, he said we didn’t need it- financially. For him as a male, he’s more concerned that if we ever got a divorce, I would rob him of his money. Now, he doesn’t say this because he thinks I’m greedy, it’s more because he has a preconceived notion that the wife in the relationship does get more than her fair share.
Our prenup was going to more put a price on infidelity, and that he has to maintain 2 dogs for me at all times.
If you come from a wealthy family, or you as an individual have a lot of assets, it’s only smart to have a prenup. A lot of people get robbed during a divorce… (hello, gold diggers!). I know of a lot of girls who would fight to their death to get all their husband’s money if something went awry. It’s really scary. It’s scarier than signing that prenup in my opinion.
Is there any type of document that would combine the best of the prenup and the will? I mean, I like that the prenup protects everyone’s interests… but what if you change your mind? Can you will your spouse something (like a share of a business) the prenup explicitly states he or she will not get?Is there such a thing as a “post-nup” that you could tear up and replace with a newer version as needed, as long as both parties agreed to it?
We are an older couple,married young,and have some land,home,etc. Three adult children.
At our age I dont think any one is intitled to zit from either of us if we remarried. I understand without a prenup,the medical and nursing home expenses would be on the remarried spouce. I want all our assects transfered to the children now,as soon as possible. We are both reasonable healthy.Living in a small community, you see horrible stories about someone marrying mostly out of lonesomeness, and taken
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Mrs. Apple, Dallas
Age and Occupation in '07: 28, Entrepreneur
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Police Officer
Engagement Date: Easter Day 2006
Wedding Date: May 27, 2007
Blogging Since: September 28, 2006
Venue: Marie Gabrielle Restaurant & Gardens
About Me: I'm in the midst of trying to plan a "perfectly beautiful" wedding and decorating my new home. It's been exhausting but totally worth every minute of it. Ironically, I was never the type of person to want to get married but now that I'm engaged, I get giddy over anything that is wedding related! I'll try my best to give you all unique and practical ideas.
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