Reader Buzz: Unmarried
October 16th, 2006 @ 3:17 pm by Reader Buzz
There was a great article in the New York Times yesterday about the decline in percentage of married couples in the United States.
Married couples, whose numbers have been declining for decades as a proportion of American households, have finally slipped into a minority, according to an analysis of new census figures by The New York Times.
…The total number of married couples is higher than ever, and most Americans eventually marry. But marriage has been facing more competition. A growing number of adults are spending more of their lives single or living unmarried with partners…
…Some said that pregnancy was the only thing that would prompt them to make a legal commitment soon. Others said they never intended to marry. A few of those couples said they were inspired by solidarity with gay and lesbian couples who cannot legally marry in most states.
Would you be okay with never marrying? Do you see more people around you making that same decision?
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7 Responses to “Reader Buzz: Unmarried”
The only lady I know of who is in a “never marry” mode has gone through a couple of emotionally abusive relationships. She has come to the determination that she’s happier on her own compared to with some of the guys she chooses.
The ladies in my mom’s family are in a “never doing that again”, but as they are either widowed or divorced and in their sixties, seventies, and eighties, I highly doubt that worries of pregnancy or solidarity with gay and lesbian couples have factored into their decision.
In addition, I notice that while they have divvied areas into couples living together same-sex, I didn’t notice anything about them being romantically involved. Roommates are a fact of life, but they don’t seem to be broken out here. Moreover, while in the past you might be considered to be part of your parent’s household while in college (especially if you’re listed as a dependant on their tax forms!), it seems as if a growing percentage of these are counted as seperate households and single.
I’ve been living with my (now) fiance for six years. He’s been married before (and it ended badly), and for a long time said that he didn’t want to get married again. I had to think long and hard to decide if I was ok with that. If I wanted to be with him, I had to be ok with not getting married. I knew that I couldn’t hold out hope that he would eventually change his mind. Of course, he did change his mind. Even if he hadn’t though, we would have stayed as committed and solid.
And I did feel a bit of solidarity with those that can’t marry leagally.
I’ve been w/my bf for over 4 yrs now. I’m in a happy spot where I don’t feel the need for marriage right now. (I’m really happy w/the way things are!)
Things might change in the future but I can understand how not everyone believes that they have to marry to be together long-term.
as much as i avidly read weddingbee, i also am in the minority here of gals that don’t really place much emphasis on weddings/marriages.
i’m in the best relationship of my life, but i simply am not in a rush to the altar (i’m 27). i’ve had no emotional setbacks that make me view marriages with trepidation, but it’s just not something i list as a high priority in my long term goals or life right now.
i respect other women’s decisions to get themselves into a tizzy over their wedding day. on the flipside, i see nothing wrong with women that DO NOT go crazy over weddings.
it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us; we just simply have other things to take care of in our lives.
I think it’s great that there is acceptance of all kinds of lifestyle choices. Society used to limit choices available to women, pressuring them to get married & take care of men, and now women can support themselves, can have fun lives, date around, whatever.
I scoffed at my friends who were so eager to get married, I only saw the downside of losing your independence & freedom. Marriage seemed to offer something I didn’t need. I thought it was quite likely I would never marry and that didn’t bother me. (I would mourn never having kids.)
Then I met my fi. And I became eager to get married. I wanted the world to recognize and respect our commitment. I wanted to celebrate the amazing luck that we found each other. I wanted to become a family with him.
It’s true that when my live in boyfriend asks me “what are some reasons that people get married?” aside from the obvious emotional reasons. my “practical” answers feel kind of feeble…
-tax breaks - WAHOO!
-I don’t want our first kid counting backwards from their birthday and realizing that we got married when I was 4 months pregnant
-if (knock on wood) one of us were incapacitated/in an accident, “live-in boyfriend” simply does not get the same visiting privilages, decision making ability, etc as “husband”
-I want a new last name (I REALLY dislike my last name, LOL)
And it pretty much goes downhill from there. He is not in a rush to get married, and while we are wholeheartedly committed to each other and definitely express that we intend to spend the rest of our lives together, I can definitely understand that there isn’t this “rush” to get married, like there may have been 10, 20, 30, 40 yrs ago. My grandparents (from South Dakota no less) didn’t even flinch when we announced that we were moving in together - I think that’s a sign that people are becoming more open minded and accepting of the whole thing.
While I want to get married someday, I definitely understand why some people don’t, and why some people are kind of fighting the “institution” of marriage. Esp (as one reader already pointed out) since it’s not legal for EVERYONE yet.
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I know a couple that doesn’t believe in marriage. It’s kind of hard for me to understand (and it’s not very romantic— ha!) but I respect them a lot and they are happy, which is what is important.
I’ve seen a lof of support groups on the internet and places like facebook, for abolishing marriage altogether. I need to read up on it more, but the idea of that scares me.