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I’ve had this dilemma for a really long time, but it wasn’t until now that I’ve had to deal with it. My father has raised me. I am and will always be Daddy’s little girl. I’ve been closer to my dad than I have been with my mom for most of my life. It was only until I became a mother myself that I truly turned to my mom.
My mom remarried about 10 years ago to my godfather and he has played a very active role in my life. Whenever I have problems with my mom or my brother I can usually turn to him for advice or help. There are even a lot of things that I’ve told him that I could not have ever told my dad due to the pain it would bring my dad.
Now, due to my dad’s health, Theo and I have decided to get married a lot earlier than expected. My mom mentioned my stepfather also walking me down the aisle. It is only fair… but a big part of me says that it should only be my dad. However, Daddy did teach me to make peace (when it comes to my stepmom) so it would only be fair when it comes to my stepdad. Plus, I can’t help but say my stepdad really is a good man… I think he’s a little sad about not being able to walk me down the aisle!
I had a short conversation with my dad about it and he was first of all shocked and secondly, totally against it… So now, I’m a bit mindboggled as to what to do when it comes to who is walking me down the aisle…
My Daddy or My Daddy and my stepdad…
Any suggestions??? I am in need of advice!
Maria
Can your step dad walk you halfway then your dad meet you to walk the other half? Also you can give your dad the honor of being the only one to do the father daughter dance with you as a spotlight and dance with your stepfather during a normal dance.
That is super tough! Maybe you could sit down with you dad and talk to him again about all the reasons you want to have your step dad and remind what he said about keeping the peace! 
I like both of Shellsbells’ suggestions! And also reminding him of his “keeping the peace” advice. 
Good luck, and I’m sure it’ll all work out for the best!!
-wow, you are very lucky to be so loved by two wonderful father figures.
-i love shellsbells idea of your stepfather halfway and you dad the rest with him being the one to give you away to your husband to-be.
-i also like the idea of both of them walking you down the aisle.
I’m sorry but I wouldn’t take that honor away from your dad…I know that he would be walking you down too - but still…I would just have your dad walk you down…My dad died in 2004 & it breaks my heart that he’s not here to walk me down the aisle - I have a brother & he is walking me down..but I just think that if your dad is around that is something SOOO special that you should share with him (just him & you)…It sounds like you are close with your stepfather - but he’s not your dad…Just my opinion…
I agree with the other advice here - definitely talk to one or both of them about their feelings on the topic.
I think it would be sweet for both of them could walk you down the aisle.
Or, if you choose to only have one walk you down the aisle, perhaps you can honor the other in another way - special toast, special dance, etc. Good luck!
Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you want just your dad to walk you down the aisle, then that’s what you should do. If you want them both to walk you down the aisle, then that’s fine. Remember, if someone isn’t comfortable with it, they have the option of bowing out of the duty.
The thing is, there doesn’t seem like there was ever a problem between your father and you.. he raised you, you love him.. yes, you have a stepfather as well whom you also love.. but in the end, your father is blood and whom you love and always loved.. i think he has every right to be shocked and feel territorial over the “Father of the Bride” duties.
If it is still a hard subject and you don’t want to hurt feelings, maybe you can have your real father walk you down the aisle, then give your stepfather the father-daughter dance or vice versa.
In the end, this is really about what you want. If you want both of them to walk you down the aisle, then ask both and tell them of the situation. I think explaining that both of them mean so much to you that you want them both there will really help them to see that this is your decision and they should be happy with your choice.
I have to agree with FG and tav - it would be one thing if your stepfather had raised you, or if you didn’t have a good relationship with your dad. But since that is not the case, I would stick with real dad, but find a way to acknowledge your stepdad - a special dance, and special note in the program, etc.
FG, I’m sorry for your loss.
agree w/ the posters who think it would be a different situation if your stepfather had raised you, etc… its great that you love your stepdad - there are those who are not as blessed w/ two father figures - but as you said, u love your father, he raised you, he taught you… bottom line - he is your father. i think your stepfather would be very touched if you honored him in some other way.
yes, i agree with ck. honor your stepdad in some other way. your dad is your dad. you are daddy’s little girl. he should walk you down the aisle. sorry, but i think your stepdad should bow out of this one, esp. since your father is not well.
Even though you have a good relationship with both of them, I don’t think that means you should just automatically pick your dad. It is your day, and you should be able to honor those who have played important parts in your life. I am considering having both of my parents walk me down the aisle. It is not anything against my dad, but I think it is important to acknowledge both of my parents equally.
Your step-dad is obviously a great man, but you have a very special and loving bond with your father, and I think that takes precedence. Maybe you could honor your stepfather in a different way.
I actually vote for your dad. Although I think the idea of having your stepdad walk you halfway and then your dad walking you the rest of the way is also really nice. You have a great relationship with both of them, so I see no reason to pick one over the other…except the fact that your dad is the “one who gave you life.” Your stepdad has been there for you, but you said yourself that your dad is the one who raised you.
I vote, have your dad walk you down the aisle and share a special dance or something to honor your stepdad’s role in your life.
I would say have your Dad to the honors-especially if you are as close as you say!
Maybe you can honor your stepdad in a different way at the ceremony. Could he do a reading maybe or have some other part in it?
No matter what you decide. Please tell both parties of your plans ahead of time. My best friend didn’t tell her father she was dancing the “father/daughter” dance with the man who she really saw as her father figure, and her dad stormed out of the reception mad. She saw it only as fair since her father walked her down the aisle. Their relationship hasn’t been the same.
If you pick one to walk you down the aisle, then you could ask the other to give a speech at your reception. And if one is more inclined to do a speech, then you might have your answer right there.
I do think it’s pretty cool if they would both walk you down the aisle, though! It shows that you have both of their love and support and you value both of them. I would tell them, individually, beforehand what it means to you and be sure they are totally comfortable with the idea. Stress how much you love them equally and wouldn’t be there w/o their support, and that’s why you want them both involved on your wedding day.
in most typical jewish weddings, the mother and father walk the bride down the aisle - perhaps you could do that? Then it would be your two natural parents, and no offense could really be taken to that — they’re the ones that brought you into this world, and your stepdad (I’d hope) would understand that decision.
And you could add another special something for your stepdad apart from the aisle-walking.
My instinct would be to have your real Dad do it. Your step-dad shouldn’t be offended — you have a good relationship with your dad, he helped raise you and you guys are close, and so it’s natural that he would be the one to do it. It would be different if your step-dad was the only father figure in your life.
I like everyone’s ideas about having your step-dad do a reading or give a toast at the reception. That’s a great way to honor your relationship with him.
When it comes down to it though, do what you feel good about it and what will honor the people you love.
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