Weddingbee Blog

Oh my gosh, does that hit home! I actually didn’t know my fiance (boyfriend at the time) very well when I met his parents. We had only been dating 6 weeks. I was pretty nervous on the way to see them, it was a 5 hour drive and I insisted one of my girlfriends come along for the weekend. Within seconds, I felt like I was at home with my parents!

His family has been so welcoming, but they do have some quirks, just like anyone’s family, including my own. In our relationship, I’m the super anal, planner who has trouble letting go every once in a while. I’ve been taught to plan, plan, and plan some more. Also, I learned to save money early on. I started an IRA for myself at the ripe old age of 18!

On the other hand, my fiance is a live by the moment kind of guy. He plans when necessary, but is much more spontaneous. He’s always relaxed and is a go with the flow kind of guy.

He was raised in a home where most of the family was up for anything, anytime, and if they wanted something, they bought it.

One of the biggest “issues” we have is money. I was a saver and he was a spender. I used to get so frustrated with him, but I didn’t want to nag him. Understanding his family background and my family background has helped us accept each other and learn to compromise. Actually, he’s coming more in my direction on the money front and I’m going more in his direction on the spontaneity and living for the moment front. He’s paid off all of his credit card debt and is starting an IRA. And we’ve penciled in a date to sit down and go over our finances. I on th eother hand have been able to completely let loose and jump in the car on a whim and go on a roadtrip with no plans except a departure date and a returning home date!

I met the future in-laws over Christmas last year. I was nervous because we have different religions and I wasn’t sure how they’d accept me. While they are sad/disappointed that I don’ve share their belief, they are also understanding. I was relieved when I met them that they were just as eager to love me as I am eager to love them. They met my parents after we got serious too…and my dad warned me to spend as little time with the FIL’s so I wouldn’t step on FMIL’s toes! I thought that was pretty funny, but there definitely was a grain of truth to it.

I met my future in-laws a few months after I started dating my FI (boyfriend at the time). To be honest, I don’t remember what happened the day I met his parents, but I do remember what happened a few weeks later.

One evening my fiance and I were watching a movie in his room when his mother walked in and said, “Your father and I are going skinny dipping so don’t use the pool.” My jaw dropped. My FI was mortified. It became clear to me where my FI got his *ahem* unrestricted side, but he’s a lot more reserved than his mom.

On a more serious note, my parents were born at the beginning of the baby boom 46′ and 49′, while his parents were born in the 50’s so that has definitely made a difference in their perspectives. My parents are more strict and traditional in their values while his parents are a lot more open-minded But they do agree on the basics - do things properly and fairly, be generous, and work extremely hard (a la Protestant Ethic). So despite our interracial relationship, since we were both raised with these core values and we both didn’t grow up with a religion, it has made things easy for us. *knock on wood*

I actually met my future parents-in-law after I’d met a rather big number of my fiance’s relatives. He’d take me to dinner with his aunts, uncles, cousins and nieces. From having dinner with them, I learned that my mother-in-law-to-be was not the most outgoing social person. On top of that, she did not like my future brother-in-law’s girlfriend, so I was scared that she might not like me as well!

When I finally got to meet them, however, she was very welcoming. My fiance and I bought live king crabs because we lived right by the ocean where there are tons of fresh seafood, and crabs are my future mother-in-law’s favorite food!! What a way to kiss some booty, right? hehe

I loved the fact that their family environment seemed to be very stable, supportive, and respectful. They would talk about anything and everything with each other and it was a very comfortable gathering. I grew up in a very unhappy family because my mother did not want to get married in the first place, so she never really got past the fact that she married a man she didn’t love- highly understandable. Our family dinners were always quiet and rarely did anyone say anything personal that they’d like to discuss as a family.

My Fiance’s family just made me understand why my fiance is so respectful of everyone and their opinions, their choices. He’s always willing to discuss anything to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and love to just be around people and carry on great conversations.

I had first dated Paul nine years ago, and the night he wanted me to meet his parents we got in a huge fight (all my fault) and broke up. I found out later that his dad had died a month later, so I would never meet him, but heard amazing things about him. Cut ahead 6 years later, when I’ve already met Paul’s brother and sister-in-law, who were great, and even spread the news (gloated- really) that Paul has a girlfriend! And they ALREADY met her! A few months later, we were invited to his aunt & uncle’s 30th wedding anniversary, where I was to meet his Mom and sister (who they lovingly call “The Boss”) for the first time. Not only was I terrified about meeting his mom in the first place, it didn’t help that everyone kept asking, “Has she met The Boss yet? No? Eeesh.” Top that anxiety off with the fact that I had recently developed an allergy to the sun (yeah, that’s right, the SUN) but hadn’t been diagnosed yet. So, that whole weekend, I had a face as red and blotchy as any sunburn victim ever had, times ten. I had to cake on the makeup so no one would notice. All in all, The Boss loved me because her kids loved me, and Paul’s mom loved me because her son loved me- and ironically, we are SO alike; clumsy, silly, loving the sweets, gullible (in a sweet way, I’m told), and we just love Paul to death. Later, when she gave me the naked baby picture of Paul to keep, I KNEW she loved me. A year later when she told him to hurry up and propose already, I knew I loved HER! I’ll never meet his dad, and I’ll always feel guilty because I had that chance years ago, but I know he’s watching over us anyway.

CARING -I met my S.O.’s father and sister on our very first date AND it was also my S.O.’s birthday! Talk about pressure! Anyhow, immediately I could tell how caring his father and sister where because they really went out of their way to make his birthday special (got him his favorite Entemann’s cake AND baked him a chocolate cake) and me feel welcome and a part of the family from day 1. His caring nature is a huge part of who he is and goes to show that because of it he can be quite generous in lending his help to me, his family, friends and many times total strangers.

COMMUNICATION - Because my S.O.’s parents are divorced he is very cautious in relationships as well as very willing to work out any problems. He was older (in his teens) when his parents divorced so he understood and knows what went on to lead to the divorce and thus feels that open, honest and calm discussions are the key to a successful relationship. He feels that you can resolve anything as long as you talk not only to each other but anyone else and it goes to explain why he’s always so calm and cool in a situation when I’m the one freaking out over something.

HUMOR - I thought my S.O. was a pretty funny guy but sometimes I thought he was just plain strange in his humor. But the breakthrough came when we’d been together for just over a year and I made my first Christmas visit to Georgia (where FMIL lived at the time) and spent over a week with his mother, sister and step-father and met all of his maternal aunts, uncles and cousins. They all have the same sense of humor and after a week the same things they thought were funny were funny to me too. Today, after 5 years, the humor has rubbed off on me and I’ve become one of them. I can even beat my S.O. to the punch line.

STRENGTH, last but not least my S.O. is quite opinionated but always with good reason. Both his parents are strong people and I can see that it has either rubbed off or been taught to both of their children. Because of the strength (not physical) by S.O. has a great drive to accomplish things, is not afraid to speak up, is never shy and at times can be embarassingly (to me because I am a little shy) bold. But this makes sense to me know because it shows great character and no longer seems embarassing to me but instead I am proud of his strength and hope to raise our children to be the same.

It took almost all of our five years together for me to figure all this out but because I understand it all I better understand my S.O. and I think in the long run it makes us a better couple and team.

** That should say: what a loving marriage IS, not IN.

We had an odd start- I met his parents on our first date- you’d think it would be bad- but it was brief (he was nervous and suggested going to his house to watch a movie, which for some reason I agreed and he lived with his parents). They were extremely nice and his mom just told me the other day that the first thing she noticed about me (and apparently all she remembers ) is that my shoes matched my purse (both green)- I guess I made a great first impression that day! With all the other relationship things, I’ve been trying to bring up suggestions to fix little problems here and there, but his family is great and has evidently learned a lot from them.

I traveled across the country to meet my fiance’s mother (his father had passed a couple years before), sister, and brother. As soon as I met them, I felt a deep sense of comfort. I realized just how similar his family is to my own, and I knew our families would get along (which was a dealbreaker for me). Before I visited, my future mother-in-law asked my fiance what food I like. When we arrived at the house, there was a feast on the table, filled with all of my favorite dishes. She had gone to Chinatown that morning to pick up everything, and spent the day cooking. My future MIL always cooks at least a 5-course meal for dinner, and every visit after that she’d make a special dish just for me. Now I know why my fiance goes above and beyond for me…because he was taught that what you do for the ones you love is limitless. Over the past three years, he has always put me first and made sure that I get what I want and in turn, I do the same for him.

i’m meeting my s.o.’s family over the holidays this upcoming december. ill keep this short and simple-I NEED all the help/advice that i can get.