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Mrs. Bee here. I know I’ve blogged about the following topic before, but I can’t remember if it was on weddingbee or my personal blog. Still it’s an interesting question that always sparks a lot of discussion.
Reader A posted the following reader buzz:
My best friend’s mom told her to marry a guy who loves her more than she loves him. This is so she’ll have the upper hand, and will be treated very well, with less chance of being cheated on.
In your relationships, who do you think loves more? You or your FI/DH? Do you agree with my friend’s mom’s theory?
I learned that too!!
My mom also told me the same thing. She says a guy must love the girl more. She says a woman can grow to love a man but a man cannot. He must love her from the very beginning.
As for the love btw me and my fiance, I have no idea who loves who more.
I’ve heard of that before…but I don’t really believe that either person should have the upper hand. Is it love or a power struggle then? Will s/he cheat less, maybe…maybe not. In my relationship, I would say we love each other equally but in different ways. My fiance is very insightful and while a lot of times I don’t think he is paying attention, he surprises me in the end.
OMG, my mom told me the same thing. I thought she was just being my typical weird mom because I’d never heard that anywhere else. Four years after getting that piece of advice and I still dont know how I feel about it.
It sounds like that mother was considering marriage as a power struggle rather than a partnership. Thank god my mom never told me that, I would have lost a ton of respect for her.
humm i never heard of that but it does make sense! as far as who loves who more i think we both love the same and its great!
Why would she want to settle for someone she doesn’t love that much? I’ve been the one who loved more and the one who loved less and those relationships are history. I have since met someone and our love is equal (well… on most days 
). Then again, I was very patient and picky and will be 35 when we get married next year. I’m marrying at an age much older than most of my friends, but I’d rather have him forever than Mr. So-So for a few years.
I agree with Lily. That just sounds plain stupid to me…
I would loose respect for bouth myself and for my man if our relationsship looked like that. How could you agree to marry a man you dont love to 100%? And how could you live with a man and at the same time laugh behind his back absout that you have the “upper hand”?
I think this kind of thinking surely would lead to way to divorce and cheating…
Maybe it’s more of asian thing but, yes, my elderly aunties have said the same thing to me.
In the boys case, his grandma told him to marry a girl who isn’t too HOT because she can always up and leave him for greener pastures.
He says I’m not HOT but BEAUTIFUL.
I’ve heard that before, too. I know it’s impossible to really gauge who loves the most, but would you really want to find out? I don’t think I’d want to know that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him.
Yikes? I am pretty sure we love each other equally and that works for us. Like Laura said, there may be days where that changes a little, but overall I think it has to be equal. If anyone is giving/getting more from the relationship, couldn’t that cause tension, stress, resentment?
I’ve heard this before but I don’t subscribe to it. Just not my way of thinking.
i used to think like that but once i met my current bf that ideology went right out the window. you can’t be in an equal relationship if you don’t have the same amount of feelings.
Sounds like a metric ton of bovine excriment.
And you can quote me on that.
But my FI and I have this fake argument we do sometimes to confuse people: (all but the last line said in gooey tones, looking into each others’ eyes)
“I love you more.”
“No, I love you more”
“No, I love you more.”
“OK!”
Anyone remember that Simpson’s episode where Homer comes upon Bart and Lisa arguing and he tells them to stop fighting, and what were they fighting about again? “We were fighting over who loves you more!” Homer tells them to continue then, and they resume, “YOU love him more!” “NO, YOU do!” Ahh… I love that episode.
I don’t think I can really say that either of us loves the other more; it seems to be fairly even, though we show it in different ways.
I’ve got a Reader Buzz for consideration: My FI and I are desparately trying to make our guest list. Our church and reception site have max capacity of 250. I’ve heard several times the rule of 50% of the people you invite will not come, but I can’t see inviting 500 people and only 250 coming.
How many people can we safely invite without going over our max attendance? If you have already gotten married, what percentage of people you invited came? And if you’re currently planning your wedding, how many people are you planning to invite compared to how many you expect to come?
I’ve heard that before. Thankfully, not from my mom. I’m in the same boat as Nony Mouse. I think overall we love about equally, but we often have those fake spats of who loves who more. Usually those end with “Ok, then, you can love me more this time.” 
I’ve heard of that before too! I guess it comes from the feeling of insecurity that if your SO doesn’t love you more then there’s always the possibility that he’ll leave you. But then again, how can you measure love? (says Inner!Psychologist)
I agree though, that for a healthy lasting relationship that you can’t really have someone who loves the other person more. For it to work, I think love should be equal.
This is a bunch of crap.
Plain and simple.
Who would want to be in a relationship where one loves the other more?
Horrible!
I love my fiance very much, but he has a lot more patience with me than vice-versa.
There was an episode of Malcolm-In-The-Middle where there was some circumstance that compelled the mom to say to her husband, “But that means you love me more than I love you!” and he said, very sweetly and sincerely, “Of course I do!” Like he always knew that and it was fine by him.
For some reason I thought that was pretty funny. Sometimes life works out that way, I guess.
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