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Mrs. Bee here.
For some reason, I’ve always found it difficult to be financially dependent on Mr. Bee even though we’re married. While I was working on launching weddingbee, I wasn’t making any money and was completely financially dependent on him. After some time, it actually made me quite depressed because I felt like I wasn’t contributing enough to the household.
Growing up I held these antiquated notions that the man should be the main breadwinner. But now my attitude has completely changed - I definitely wouldn’t mind making a lot more than Mr. Bee… I don’t think he would mind either. 
Does it matter to you or your SO whether or not one makes more than the other?
I would love to have the opportunity to make more than my husband. I would like to contribute my share and help out as much as I can since he’s the only one been bringing the bread home. He does so much for my daughter and for myself he should he should be nominated father of the year.
I wouldn’t mind if my hubby made tons and tons of money, and I didn’t have to work at all! As it stands, I am the primary breadwinner. I hope he catches up soon, though. 
I currently make more than my fiancee. When we first started dating, he made more money. But when I got a new job, I began to earn significantly more. I think for him, it’s been a little harder. But we are both open about finances and we agree that the money we make is our money, not just one or the other’s and we make the decisions on how to use it together.
Also, I like the fact that regardless of our jobs or money. At the core, we know we can depend on the other person to help pick up whatever slack is necessary if we ever found ourselves in a financially difficult time. But we’re lucky right now to both have good jobs and can be comfy with our lifestyle.
He makes more money than I do, but he wants me to get a super high-paying job so he can “retire” and watch the kids. My dream job is to be an author, so it’s not really as gold-diggerish as it sounds, I’d be home during the day, too!
i agree with what snot said… “at the core, we know we can depend on the other person to pick up whatever slack is necessary if we eer found ourselves in a financially difficult time.”
that said, my fi and i both have good jobs that we love. but fi makes a looooooooooooooot more than me. when the time for kids comes, we’re totally okay with me being a stay at home mom for 5-10 years while he’s a breadwinner. afterwards, i’ll start working again. i’m completely okay with him being the breadwinner and i dont believe it is an issue of power at all involved.
When we first started dating, FI made more than I did. When I graduated, I started making more than he does. He owns his own business, though, so in the future, he has the potential of making a LOT more than I do. We’re fine either way because we both love what we do and whatever money we have, we consider “ours” as a couple. I actually never really thought about who makes how much more until now!
for me, it’s just hard to depend on someone (financially or otherwise) - even if it is my husband. and i can’t imagine not working, but ask me again after we have kids.
Mrs. Bee,
I am sure Mr. Bee is happy because you are pursuing your passion. Seeing you do something that makes you happy is much more preferable than being in stuck in a job you hate and complaining about it to Mr. Bee. And, it’s not as if you are just sitting at home eating bon bons. You are being proactive and it will pay off in the long run.
I am in the same boat - the hubby works insane banker hours while I feel guilty spending money because I am unemployed. I’m not pregnant/have kids so I don’t even have that to explain my unemployment status. But, I am pursuing my dreams and that makes the hubby happy because he’d rather me be happy than both of us be stressed and miserable. This way, he has someone happy to come home to that can cheer him up. I never thought I’d be financially dependent on my husband at such a young age after all the education I’ve had but I’m hopeful that I’ll be gainfully employed soon. Patience!!!!!
i think with nice three-bedroom houses in town going for close to a million dollars in hawaii, my fiance and i have always worried more about making enough money to be comfortable in hawaii! therefore, i don’t think it matters to my fiance and i whether either of us make more money than the other person — because it’s so expensive to buy a house and/or raise kids! the more either of us makes, the less stress there will be on both of us when it comes time to pay for those big life events.
i’m also unemployed frequently (the legal market in san diego sucks a lot) i moved here to join my fiance who needs to complete his training here. my fiance has been incredibly supportive and understands why i can’t find a job easily here. but despite the lack of pressure to find a job, i still feel bad because i’m not bringing home the paycheck. i think essentially what it comes down to is your worth to society. when you’re unemployed, you basically don’t have any skills that people are willing to pay you for. obviously that should not be true. in an ideal society, everyone would get paid for whatever they did best at!
oh, and speaking of what little skills i have to offer these days…i’ve already gotten one suggestion to start having kids while i’m unemployed!!
so it appears that without mr. bee, there would be no weddingbee! please be sure to let mr. bee know we appreciate his sacrifices! 
My FH currently makes a bit more than me, but neither of us make that much as I’m in grad school and he’s in retail. If all goes well I’ll have a job as of next year and will be the primary breadwinner while he goes back to finish his bachelor’s degree. Generally we’re planning on my making more money most of the time, though, and he’s going to stay home and be the house husband/mr. mom. 
At the moment, my fiance makes no money (except with the occasional random writing gig) because he’s a 3L in law school. Next September he’ll be a lawyer! Finally! It will be such a relief to have a two income household again - although I plan to go to school so my income may dwindle a bit.
I’ve said something about each of us having our “own” money after we marry, but he thinks we should share everything. Since he will easily make triple what I make in a very short time, I’m fine with that. Especially since it will be my turn to go to school.
I also make more than my husband currently. I have always been the risk taker and the person not afraid to ask for what I want. What I haven’t been good at is “keeping” what I make. Now that I’m re-married my husband makes sure that what we bring in together we make the most out of. Before I met my husband I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling as a single Mom. Now I have an allowance account only, BUT we have a beach house, my UB Business, a gorgeous home in WA and are flipping houses on the side. I’ll be the breadwinner anyday if he can fry the bacon in the pan!
I used to make significantly more and my hubby used to joke that he could retire and be a house husband, but now he makes significantly more than me. I think there was an underlying pride issue. I’m not complaining though…but I don’t have the courage to quit work yet. I think the key is to see if people are happy in the role they have.
It doesn’t matter to us. I am the breadwinner as of now, but being a teacher FI could pass me up any day with a new job or a raise! I second Alice that as long as we’re both content and happy in our careers, it doesn’t matter who the breadwinner is!
I have a question, and I’m not sure where to ask it….
My BF & I have been invited to his cousin’s wedding. Its on Dec 30th at 3PM and their wedding website says “semi-formal”. HELP! What do we wear?! BF’s Mom says he wears a suit… but what should I wear?
Also, am I wrong in saying that our everyday winter coats are not “dressy” enough? Would a pea coat be good? Also, are boots out? Not the snow or hiking variety, but knee high black leather? Tacky? or not?
And… about this question. I don’t care who makes more money as long as combined we make enough to live comfortably.
I love weddingbee, and I love your “surveys” and alllll of your advice.
i’m a medical student who’s going to have almost a 170K debt by the time I graduate. i still get allowance money from my parents and I feel so bad. My bf is wonderful though, he pays for me alot whenver we go out and go on trips. Good thing he has a high paying job. But he does joke around too that eventually I’ll end up making more than he does and he’ll want to retire then and be a house husband. My nickname is “sugarmomma” on his cellphone.
Well, we’re both in college, and don’t live together as of yet…so it doesn’t really matter.
I don’t think it’s going to matter once we DO live together anyhow…we already have it figured out how we’re going to divvy things up, and he’s going to be making more than me….and it doesn’t bother me or him.
at one point, fi made three times what i did — and i was working two jobs! careerwise, i am nowhere near his stratosphere; i took a new job two steps down, but i am a lot happier and far less stressed out (oddly, i make a little more than i used to).
what we actually do and how we feel about it is more important than the actual $. it also helps that we are both careful budgeters with occasional spendthrifty moments!
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