Weddingbee Blog

I have a really hard time with this, too. My fiance’s parents are both doctors and his mother kept her maiden name for professional purposes (they have their own practice together and it would get confusing). I call his Dad Dr. C and his mom Mrs. C, but I sometimes wonder if it’s rude not to call her Dr. too.

I just generally try to avoid addressing them by name as much as possible.

oi, names are such a pain! my FI is white, and when our parents met, my mom said “Hi Mrs “so and so.” FMIL then was liike “O no, call me “__” (first name). My mom was totally taken aback by that because we’re asian, and only rare few people can call each other by their first names. So my mom was like “O, ok ____,” but did not reciprocate the usual “O, call me ___.” FMIL later got upset and told FI that my mom was disrespecting her and not considering her an equal because my mom did not offer her first name in return. FI tried to explain it was an asian thing, but FMIL said we were lying… O the cultural dynamics…

What do you think about a “compound” name, like Mother Hibiscus, or Mother Ann (if her first name was Ann)? It’s more familiar than Mrs Hibiscus, but not as personal as Mom or just her first name.

I call my future in laws by their first names. However, I was raised to call all of my friends’ parents by their first names.

If I was a mother in law … I would want my future daughter or son in law to call me by my first name. Calling me Mrs. C….. would seem kind of cold and too official (for me that is).

Miss Hibiscus - Are you open to trying to refer to them as their first names? You can practice by speaking about them using their first names.

As for calling them mom & dad … that’s not really for me. Sometimes I do refer to my future mother in law as momma C .. to distinguish between my mother and her. To make things more confusing my partner & her mom have the same name:)

Miss Strawberry -

I notice they do that in the south, too! I’ve lived in VA for nearly a decade and I’m still not used to being called “Miss D.”

fi thinks it is HILARIOUS that i never refer to his parents by their name or call them by any name; it is always “your mom” or “your father.” i think it is very STRESSFUL.
fi’s mother asked me to call her by her first name; oddly, fi’s father asked me to call him “dr. lastname.” whatev; i’m not saying either out loud!

fi knows that my parents don’t call each other by their first name, so he doesn’t expect he will ever call them by their first name. my parents and fi’s parents call each other by their first name.

i agree with beth — we’re just waiting for kids so we can just say “bubbe and zayde” and “halmoni and halabuhji.”

I avoid it as well - to the point that I some times try to avoid seeing them because I know in Chinese culture it’s rude to not address people by title. FI is lucky my parents are in another state. We both don’t call each other’s parents anything!

I call all (4!) of his parents by their first names. I call his grandmother either by her first name or name preceeded by “Grandma”, as both my grandmothers are deceased, so it doesn’t seem awkward for me.

Hubbie rarely refers to my mom by name, but when he does he uses her first name. Same with my dad, but he rarely speaks to my dad, as I rarely do myself.

When I refer to his parents in our conversations I call his birth parents “your mom/dad” and his step-parents by first name. He says “your mom/dad” as well.

Miss Hibiscus, what a dilemma! I think there are many of us who feel your pain.

My bf’s parents are very conservative and proper white people (some refer to them as WASPS lol), and I was all set to call them by their first names (as I was raised to do with parents of friends/boyfriends) and my bf almost had a heart attack when I told him that. Apparently they would be upset if I didn’t call them “Mr and Mrs. N”. And so I have been for over 2 years, and in my opinion, that’s getting kind of awkward. I live with their son and a proposal is imminent, yet I feel like I’m adressing them like they’re my 5th grade math teacher.

But my point is that every family is different, and I think you shoudl try calling your future in-laws by their first names if that’s what they want. As someone else suggested, maybe practice by starting to refer to them by their first names in conversation with friends and your FI (not your family though!!!), and it might come easier to you.

Good luck!

I’m Filipino, too! Growing up I was always taught to call elders “auntie” or “uncle” (tita and tito if you will…or ate and kuya if they’re not much older than I) since that’s the culture. You don’t do that? I’ve always called FI’s parents “auntie” and “uncle” because that’s just what I’m used to. I see an older Filipino person and they’re automatically “auntie” or “uncle” to me. It’s habit. FI calls my parents that as well. Once we’re married I believe we’ll switch to calling them Mom and Dad because that’s what my FSIL and FBIL do. It’ll probably take some getting used to, though.