Wedding Blog
My fiance just got hired for his dream job with the state of California. It combines the two things he loves most (besides me of course ;)) - politics and real estate. It’s an incredible opportunity for us - he gets retirement, full healthcare, a huge raise in salary and did I mention retirement?
The only problem is it’s in Sacramento (near his hometown. We were supposed to move there together after the wedding) and I’m stuck in Orange County until I finish school (which is in 200 days, 2 hours and 45 minutes away to be exact… not that I’m counting). Normally, it takes over a year to get a job with the state. Lucky me, it only took my super talented fiance 5 months. Now, I’m alone in the condo with the cats. I didn’t think I’d be alone with cats until I was at least in my 80’s.
The decision for him to move was very difficult for both of us.
Him: I can’t leave you alone here.
Me: It’s your dream. You have to take it.
Him: It’s only a job. It’s a cubicle and a paycheck. You’re my dream.
Me: 
(sob) It’s once in a lifetime. I’ll always be here.
Him: There will be other jobs. I can’t leave you and the cats. You’re my life.
Me: (sob) It’s what’s best for our little family. Please take the job. I’ll be fine. I promise.
After a week of this and lots of tears, he packed his clothes and drove up the 5 freeway.
Of course, Mr. Hibiscus is very optimistic and supportive. He says this will make our love stronger, I can focus on my boards (awful 2 day long tests I have to pass to get my optometry license), the time will go by fast, we’ll see each other at least once if not twice a month (we already have several flights booked and ready to go), and we’ll have the rest of our lives to live happily ever after. He wants me to focus on the positives and look to the brighter side of the situation.
It’s really hard but I’m hanging in there. He used to kiss me on the cheek and re-tuck me in every morning before he left for work. I would always pretend I was sleeping but the smile on my face always gave me away. It was my favorite part of the day. I miss him so much.
So my question for you readers is, “Have you ever had to spend an extended period of time away from your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance or husband/wife?” Did it make things stronger/rekindle the ol’ flame? And, how did you deal with it?
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Share this post: Long Distance Loving
we’ve been doing long distance (jobs in separate cities that we couldn’t give up - good opportunities & such) since july of 2005… and it looks like the soonest we might be able to be in the same area will be summer of 2008… fingers crossed!
ahhh i pressed “submit” too soon… i find our LDR to be a cyclical one… sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of it and get depressed… pick stupid fights… etc. but all of that goes away when we see each other (about once every 2 months).. other times, it’s like falling in love all over again… it’s definitely a test of your bond and can make it stronger if you work at it. it takes work…
My FI and I were long-distance (about 2 hours) for the first 4 1/2 months we were dating. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Since we only saw each other on the weekends (sometimes every other weekend), most of our contact was over the phone and email. It really allowed us to develop our communication skills. And the time we did get to spend together was so much more special. Now that we see each other everyday, we don’t talk on the phone or email quite as much. But it’s nice to have the emails from that time to look back on….yes, I saved them all! We also started journals. We kept two and would write in them whenever we had the urge and would exchange them the next time we saw each other. We also still have both of those (almost lost one in a house fire) and plan to keep them as lasting mementos of the beginning of our love. 
My fiance and I have dated for almost 5 years and all about the first three months was “long distance.” Initially we were 1000 miles away, then 500 miles, now we’re only 150 miles apart. Crazy thing is that not until we are married (next May) will we ever stop saying “good bye” for extended periods of time.
That being said, we’ve “lived” together for two summers now and have really enjoyed our time together. while being apart was hard for us initially, we don’t know what it would be like to be in a relationship any other way!
It’s the little things that count - sending little emails through out the day, talking to each other on the phone first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to bed, etc. And when you are together, make the most of it! I used to leave little treats at his apartment for him to find when we were apart. sometimes, if I knew he was hungry, I’d point him in the direction of cookies I’d stashed a few weeks earlier. It’s tough, but it makes being together more wonderful.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. My fiance and I spend months apart for his job in the UK. Something he said the other day really stuck with me “I just don’t think we will ever take each other for granted, ever.” And that is quite a gift. I feel very present with him, even apart. I feel like it has brought us closer.
write letters, get an isight camera if you can, make a policy that neither of you will ever not pick up the phone if you can help it, always keep each other #1, talk to each other…
and on the sad side- it took us a year of this for me to settle down and not be angry about something even i helped decide. Don’t take your anger about being apart out on each other.
Remember that if the hardest part of your relationship is that you miss each other, you are doing just fine!
good luck.
My fiance had an internship in my home state this summer - which happens to be 750 miles from where we currently live and where I work. So, it was a little strange talking to him while he hung out with my friends and family up north. I took a week vacation and visited him, but other than that we were apart from May- August. It wasn’t much fun, the house was way too quiet (he’s a big talker), but we were fine.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship before - and it lasted 5 years with three of them apart- so that experience made this easier.
my only other suggestion is also from what FH said the other day: that at some point, it’s not worth it. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. He has said that leaving me and the cat (us too!) is hard enough, he could never leave a family for the length he does now. Talk about your limits.
Miss Hibiscus, if my name weren’t Miss Peach, it’d be Miss Long-D! Mr. Peach and I spent 6 YEARS in long distance. All throughout college (Michigan-Mass) and then two more years (NY-Mass) which wasn’t as bad, but still! Seriously, what doesn’t break you, will only make you stronger. I won’t lie to you- it is SOOO hard. You’ll prob fight about things you thought you’d never fight about. And you have to be more conscious about the way you spend time on the phone, etc. BUT you’ll both appreciate each other much more and never take your relationship or the time you spend together for granted. There are so many things to learn from doing long distance (for ex. better communication skills), it’s not just all negative, although somtimes it’s hard to think otherwise. So have faith!!
And at least you have a countdown to keep you going. ^_^ Gooooo Mr and Miss Hibiscus!! You’ll be in my prayers.
Oh one other fun thing… since living close to Mr. Peach now, I kinda miss those days when I’d be so giddy and excited about seeing Mr. Peach after a month or so. It used to make me feel like we were back in highschool when I’d be all nervous/excited before our dates. hahaha.
Hang in there! During my undergrad I dated a guy who went to school out of state, I bought all kinds of cute, risque, and lovey-dovey cards that I would send to him randomly. I finally realized that he was nuts and broke that relationship off but thats beside the point!!!!
Now that I have found “the one”, my fiance is the lucky recipient of my little love notes even though he lives just a few minutes away.
E-mails are nice and quick but hand written notes are so much more meaningful.
I agree with everyone’s comments and would just add that sending cards or care packages are fun and unexpected treats. LDRs do have their ups and downs. Saying goodbye is a struggle every time for me, but keep in mind that lovely light at the end of the tunnel. I am also in school and I find that I can focus more on my work when he is gone, so it actually probably has helped me, even though I don’t want to admit it! Hang in there!
Honestly, it’s less than a year away before you planned on moving there anyway and you two are still in the same state. Airfare is not expensive flying within state, so you could easily see each other 1-2x a month.
I understand how you feel. I live 4 hours away from my fiance, so I can’t see him when we are not in school and it makes me sad. But it will get easier, I promise!
Your story is so beautiful. The love you share will endure the long distance.
I moved away from FI (he was just my bf then) for college. 4 years of long distance definitely made us stronger, it made me more independent, and it definitely made our time together more precious. Hang in there!
LOL, Laura, I totally used to do those cards, too! Except FI isn’t nuts 
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4.5 years and the last time I saw him was in May. I don’t know when’s the next time we can see each other, and we are going to be long distance for the next 6 years, like Miss Peach! I’m working, but he’s in another state, far far away in grad school for 4 years. After that, he has residency for 2 years. And since we’re both just starting out in the real world, we can’t afford to see each other more than twice a year… so it’s definitely going to be very, very hard.
My FI is from Texas while I’m from NJ. Granted, we met in college in Arkansas, but we had to spend 2 summers apart.
The first time it broke us. We didn’t make it for mainly other reasons but the distance didn’t help.
The following summer I spent in London studying business. My first full day there, we were told in class about the bombs that had hit King’s Cross, less than a mile from our flats, close to the time that we were scheduled to travel there to get our tube passes. That summer made us so much stronger. I don’t think we realized how much we needed each other until that happened.
Granted, I never had to spend long months on end with only one or two visits, but the months we did spend apart taught us so much more about our relationship than if we had constantly been near each other.
Aww Miss H ::big hugs::!! LDRs really can suck, but at least yours is (relatively) short-term. We were LD for the first 8 months of our relationship, living about 250 miles apart. But we’d visit each other every single weekend for as long as possible, so it was really usually about three days a week we didn’t see each other. It’s still tough, though, and I def. know where you’re coming from
I’ve been dating my FI for 3 years, and except for two months this past summer, we’ve always been long distance. In fact, when we first started dating, he was in L.A. and I was in London! Now I’m working in NYC, and he’s in L.A.
It was hard for awhile when we were only talking once or twice a week, but we both started to make more of an effort to communicate, and now we talk every day, which helps so much. Also, he bought us both webcams, and we use Skype to chat and for video calls. It’s really nice to be able to see each other.
I think when we got engaged this past summer, it helped a lot as well, as another poster mentioned, light at the end of the tunnel, etc.
Hang in there! It may be harder for you to adjust to going to a long-distance relationship from a non-LD, but it will go fast. Plus, the flight’s nice and short, and you’ll have a lot of weekend getaways!
We’ve been doing the long distance thing for the past 2 1/2 years because we go to different colleges. We have the summers though. We make it work. Lots of cards, packages, e-mails, phone calls, IM’s, video conferencing… of course it’s hard being away, but since we’re so busy all the time, it’s not horrible. We just look even more forward to our times together!
Gosh I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we’ve had to be apart because of better opportunities. My fiance and I went through a couple of them last year and this year when he took a job in D.C. for 6 months, went out to Cupertino, CA for an internship (another 6 months) went to Egypt for a once in a lifetime spring break strip and off to Cannes for another once in a lifetime experience. And throughout all the times he was away, we inevidably argued because we missed each other so much but knew there was no one else we rather be with….
my boyfriend and i have been long distance from the start [for almost 2 years now] and it gets harder and harder to leave him after one of our visits. i cry like a little baby but he’s very comforting and makes sure i’m okay [or as okay as i can get] before we leave and always sends me a message soon after we’ve parted.
it’s hard but we make it through. you’re lucky you’re both still in state. currently i’m in cali and he’s far away in michigan so visiting takes a lot of coordination. but we make it work. we talk every night [or just about considering the time difference and that he's still in school], send random text messages, and we’re big on sending surprise care packages and random cards/letters.
but those weeks when we are together are so awesome and i definitely value the time we have together. even when we got into a fight that one time. it was nice to be able to make up in person. our relationship actually became stronger because of the distance. it forced us to really get to know each other on a basic level before things were clouded by any physcial aspect so we have a very solid foundation of trust, repect, and love for one another. everything happened at the right moment.
we both put a lot of effort into making this relationship work and i know the commitment is definitely there. i find that while it’s hard to be away from him, it’s very easy to stay committed and dedicated to him.
it sounds like you and the mister will work out. you’ll be together again before you know it!
ohh..miss hibicuous, you made me all teary eyed. I’m a firm believer that love will prevail and I think you both are very headstrong.
Best of luck to you.
My boyfriend and I weren’t even dating for a year and I went abroad for a summer to Italy to study. That was so hard! But it’s true I look forward so much to that day when I would be picking him up for the airport. That time showed us that our relationship is strong and can take the distance. It’s really is hard though and I’m sure if you two are in a great relationship you can work it out. Best of luck!
WOW! from the conversation you posted, I can see your fiance is so very sweet! You are one lucky woman 
Long distance didn’t really work for my friends (or at least the idea) - two of my best friends broke it off with their respective boyfriend when said boyfriends had to go abroad for an indefinite period.
my bf & i have been dating 4.5 years. 1 of those years was long distance. Phone calls, letters, emails are all important, but how you implement that is important. We made phone dates for specific times of the day (usually before bed) and stuck to that. If we didn’t do that, life just gets in the way and we’d find ourselves telling each other “let me call you back” all the time - and then we’d both feel unimportant. It didn’t have to be everyday, but at least every other day. During those dates, we could only focus on each other - no tv in the background, no roommates in the room, etc.
oh the smile on the face is just so cute. My fiance was in Paris for work for 3 months, I visited him for a week and he was back home for Christmas. Initially it was hard. But I got used to it. The comfort was knowing it was only three months and there was an end in sight. So unlimited long distance sometimes is not a great thing. (except for phone service)
i’ve been in a LDR for over a year now. it is the most difficult thing EVER. my advice is this: if you ever come in contact with people who are negative about a LDR, make a conscious decision to ignore them. also, cry when you’re missing him like crazy. cry together, do whatever to let the hurt out, but when you pick fights about the little things…always end it with re-establishing the fact that no matter what you’re ticked about…your love is still bigger. i am so sad for you, but as my SO says, this is a short time compared to the rest of our lives….
My fiance and I are in sort of the same dilemma. I live at my college that is two hours away from his job that he loves. We want to get married the year before I graduate. Eek! We have a few options. We can live seperately for a year, wait another year, or move halfway between the two. I’m opting for the latter, and so far, he is too! It’s a tough decision. But whatever choice you make, compromise should be considered.
hey miss H - you better invest in a good headset, and up the phone plan! i was long distance (denver - dc) for about a year. but it’s all worth it. its so tough, but look for plane tickets early and plan ahead. then youll always have times to look forward too. it does make eack time you see each other a lil more special.
Ms. Hibiscus - although I can’t help too much with the long distance situation… I can share that we might be making the SoCal to Sac move post-wedding as well! Just jump on all of those Southwest flight deals when they come out!
We’ve had our LD times too. 7 months (most of our engagement) while he worked in Death Valley, that was rough; no cell reception, he had to call me on a pay phone in a campground for several months, then he called me on a shared line in a house with housemates. No privacy! But that time made us stronger because we had hardly ever been apart before that. Getting a little (or a lot of) distance really helps clarify exactly what you love about that person, despite the sadness and loss.
The second time was much, much harder, and I think it was because we were already married. We invested in webcams and that made a HUGE difference! We could see the little mannerisms we love so much and really share a much deeper experience.
My mom had some good advice for me when I was going through this, as my dad often had to go away for long trips when we were really little. She said you can get used to being apart and you can get used to being together, but it’s those transition times right after you leave or right when you are back together that are the hardest. You have to readjust to being alone or to being a couple and she was totally right. Just when we would adapt to being together again, he would have to leave
Finally, since you are also planning your wedding while being separated, I have to give you some advice about wedding planning. When my FI would come home after a month away, I would have so many wedding chores built up (florist visits, cake tastings) that I wanted him to participate in too. While this needed to be done, it often took away from our time *together* and made his time home more like work. If possible, try to avoid my mistakes! Good luck!
i think it can be tough to be apart from your SO…hopefully being away from each other can turn into something positive..like a learning experience…the relationship gets to grow..but i also think it depends on the couple, the circumstances, and the actual distance…
Wow, I feel kinda foolish now… Fiancee and I have been living together for the past 1.5 yrs or so. But now in order to save money for our wedding next Sept, I am planning on moving home to the suburbs, and him stay at home with his family in the city. Granted, it is only 40 minutes away, but I’ve been so sad about the prospect of not being able to spend every waking (non-work) minute with him. Well… actually, we work in the same office building, so we would still see each other every day at least. I’m silly, huh?? Arghhh…
Miss Hibiscus you can do it! It sounds like you guys made the right choice, even though it will be hard, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Everyone has given some great suggestions, hang in there!!!!
My fiance and I were long distance for the first 6 months of our relationship. I met him over winter break back home in NY, and then had to go back to school in CA a few days after we met. We flew back and forth and saw each other almost 2x a month. When talked on the phone every night, usually falling asleep on the phone and hanging up the next morning. We also used NetMeeting and set up webcams so that whenever we were in our dorm rooms it felt like the other person was there. When I’d leave for class and he wasn’t around, I’d put a little message up in front of my webcam so that he’d be surprised when he came back instead of coming back to an “empty room.” We also sent lots of care packages and snail mail to each other.
My bf got an offer for a VP position at a well known corporation in east coast. The potential there is unlimited, and he has been depressed with his current job for awhile. He made a promise to me that he will not leave Cali unless if I go with him. To be honest and best for him, I want him to go just because he’s still young and able to take risks, but at the same time, we will be LD for few months, and I don’t think I can move there unless if I get further commitment from him. What would you do if you were in my position?
miss peach — have you been living MY life? fi and i were ldr for six years, too!
it wasn’t hard because we decided it wouldn’t be — the distance wasn’t the ONLY thing we thought about. we really worked on our communication, the little things (care packages) and the big things (weekend visits!). now that we’re in the same time zone, it has all paid off — every weekend is like our weekend visits!
Thanks for the support guys! Again….in a sick way it’s nice to know other people are going through the same things. {{BIG HUGS}}
My FH and I met out first year in college and live in different states. We’re lucky though - it’s only a 2 hour drive to get to each other’s houses. During school breaks we try to see each other every other week, but it’s hard with work schedules and the like. You’re phone bill will go way up, but stick to it!
My friend does that (sock thing) to his wife, and he goes overboard with teasing her. He’ll put them on the ceiling fan and all over the floor when she walks in.. haha.
I’m sorry that you miss him so much.. but it’s only a matter of months til you get him all the time, right?
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Mrs. Hibiscus, Orange County
Age and Occupation in 06: 25, Eyebal Doc
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Commerical Underwriter
Engagement Date: September 26, 2004
Wedding Date: July 7, 2007
Venue: Laguna Beach on the beach, reception on a yacht in Newport Beach
About Me: I'm an eyeball doc. Normal is boring. I'm a hat person and a cat person. I'm in love (so very very in love). I'm a dreamer. I want to change the world. Superheroes are my friends. Kindness is contagious. Music is in my heart. Carpe diem.
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