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My fiance just got hired for his dream job with the state of California. It combines the two things he loves most (besides me of course ;)) - politics and real estate. It’s an incredible opportunity for us - he gets retirement, full healthcare, a huge raise in salary and did I mention retirement?
The only problem is it’s in Sacramento (near his hometown. We were supposed to move there together after the wedding) and I’m stuck in Orange County until I finish school (which is in 200 days, 2 hours and 45 minutes away to be exact… not that I’m counting). Normally, it takes over a year to get a job with the state. Lucky me, it only took my super talented fiance 5 months. Now, I’m alone in the condo with the cats. I didn’t think I’d be alone with cats until I was at least in my 80’s.
The decision for him to move was very difficult for both of us.
Him: I can’t leave you alone here.
Me: It’s your dream. You have to take it.
Him: It’s only a job. It’s a cubicle and a paycheck. You’re my dream.
Me: 
(sob) It’s once in a lifetime. I’ll always be here.
Him: There will be other jobs. I can’t leave you and the cats. You’re my life.
Me: (sob) It’s what’s best for our little family. Please take the job. I’ll be fine. I promise.
After a week of this and lots of tears, he packed his clothes and drove up the 5 freeway.
Of course, Mr. Hibiscus is very optimistic and supportive. He says this will make our love stronger, I can focus on my boards (awful 2 day long tests I have to pass to get my optometry license), the time will go by fast, we’ll see each other at least once if not twice a month (we already have several flights booked and ready to go), and we’ll have the rest of our lives to live happily ever after. He wants me to focus on the positives and look to the brighter side of the situation.
It’s really hard but I’m hanging in there. He used to kiss me on the cheek and re-tuck me in every morning before he left for work. I would always pretend I was sleeping but the smile on my face always gave me away. It was my favorite part of the day. I miss him so much.
So my question for you readers is, “Have you ever had to spend an extended period of time away from your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance or husband/wife?” Did it make things stronger/rekindle the ol’ flame? And, how did you deal with it?
we’ve been doing long distance (jobs in separate cities that we couldn’t give up - good opportunities & such) since july of 2005… and it looks like the soonest we might be able to be in the same area will be summer of 2008… fingers crossed!
ahhh i pressed “submit” too soon… i find our LDR to be a cyclical one… sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of it and get depressed… pick stupid fights… etc. but all of that goes away when we see each other (about once every 2 months).. other times, it’s like falling in love all over again… it’s definitely a test of your bond and can make it stronger if you work at it. it takes work…
My FI and I were long-distance (about 2 hours) for the first 4 1/2 months we were dating. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Since we only saw each other on the weekends (sometimes every other weekend), most of our contact was over the phone and email. It really allowed us to develop our communication skills. And the time we did get to spend together was so much more special. Now that we see each other everyday, we don’t talk on the phone or email quite as much. But it’s nice to have the emails from that time to look back on….yes, I saved them all! We also started journals. We kept two and would write in them whenever we had the urge and would exchange them the next time we saw each other. We also still have both of those (almost lost one in a house fire) and plan to keep them as lasting mementos of the beginning of our love. 
My fiance and I have dated for almost 5 years and all about the first three months was “long distance.” Initially we were 1000 miles away, then 500 miles, now we’re only 150 miles apart. Crazy thing is that not until we are married (next May) will we ever stop saying “good bye” for extended periods of time.
That being said, we’ve “lived” together for two summers now and have really enjoyed our time together. while being apart was hard for us initially, we don’t know what it would be like to be in a relationship any other way!
It’s the little things that count - sending little emails through out the day, talking to each other on the phone first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to bed, etc. And when you are together, make the most of it! I used to leave little treats at his apartment for him to find when we were apart. sometimes, if I knew he was hungry, I’d point him in the direction of cookies I’d stashed a few weeks earlier. It’s tough, but it makes being together more wonderful.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. My fiance and I spend months apart for his job in the UK. Something he said the other day really stuck with me “I just don’t think we will ever take each other for granted, ever.” And that is quite a gift. I feel very present with him, even apart. I feel like it has brought us closer.
write letters, get an isight camera if you can, make a policy that neither of you will ever not pick up the phone if you can help it, always keep each other #1, talk to each other…
and on the sad side- it took us a year of this for me to settle down and not be angry about something even i helped decide. Don’t take your anger about being apart out on each other.
Remember that if the hardest part of your relationship is that you miss each other, you are doing just fine!
good luck.
My fiance had an internship in my home state this summer - which happens to be 750 miles from where we currently live and where I work. So, it was a little strange talking to him while he hung out with my friends and family up north. I took a week vacation and visited him, but other than that we were apart from May- August. It wasn’t much fun, the house was way too quiet (he’s a big talker), but we were fine.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship before - and it lasted 5 years with three of them apart- so that experience made this easier.
my only other suggestion is also from what FH said the other day: that at some point, it’s not worth it. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. He has said that leaving me and the cat (us too!) is hard enough, he could never leave a family for the length he does now. Talk about your limits.
Miss Hibiscus, if my name weren’t Miss Peach, it’d be Miss Long-D! Mr. Peach and I spent 6 YEARS in long distance. All throughout college (Michigan-Mass) and then two more years (NY-Mass) which wasn’t as bad, but still! Seriously, what doesn’t break you, will only make you stronger. I won’t lie to you- it is SOOO hard. You’ll prob fight about things you thought you’d never fight about. And you have to be more conscious about the way you spend time on the phone, etc. BUT you’ll both appreciate each other much more and never take your relationship or the time you spend together for granted. There are so many things to learn from doing long distance (for ex. better communication skills), it’s not just all negative, although somtimes it’s hard to think otherwise. So have faith!!
And at least you have a countdown to keep you going. ^_^ Gooooo Mr and Miss Hibiscus!! You’ll be in my prayers.
Oh one other fun thing… since living close to Mr. Peach now, I kinda miss those days when I’d be so giddy and excited about seeing Mr. Peach after a month or so. It used to make me feel like we were back in highschool when I’d be all nervous/excited before our dates. hahaha.
Hang in there! During my undergrad I dated a guy who went to school out of state, I bought all kinds of cute, risque, and lovey-dovey cards that I would send to him randomly. I finally realized that he was nuts and broke that relationship off but thats beside the point!!!!
Now that I have found “the one”, my fiance is the lucky recipient of my little love notes even though he lives just a few minutes away.
E-mails are nice and quick but hand written notes are so much more meaningful.
I agree with everyone’s comments and would just add that sending cards or care packages are fun and unexpected treats. LDRs do have their ups and downs. Saying goodbye is a struggle every time for me, but keep in mind that lovely light at the end of the tunnel. I am also in school and I find that I can focus more on my work when he is gone, so it actually probably has helped me, even though I don’t want to admit it! Hang in there!
Honestly, it’s less than a year away before you planned on moving there anyway and you two are still in the same state. Airfare is not expensive flying within state, so you could easily see each other 1-2x a month.
I understand how you feel. I live 4 hours away from my fiance, so I can’t see him when we are not in school and it makes me sad. But it will get easier, I promise!
Your story is so beautiful. The love you share will endure the long distance.
I moved away from FI (he was just my bf then) for college. 4 years of long distance definitely made us stronger, it made me more independent, and it definitely made our time together more precious. Hang in there!
LOL, Laura, I totally used to do those cards, too! Except FI isn’t nuts 
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4.5 years and the last time I saw him was in May. I don’t know when’s the next time we can see each other, and we are going to be long distance for the next 6 years, like Miss Peach! I’m working, but he’s in another state, far far away in grad school for 4 years. After that, he has residency for 2 years. And since we’re both just starting out in the real world, we can’t afford to see each other more than twice a year… so it’s definitely going to be very, very hard.
My FI is from Texas while I’m from NJ. Granted, we met in college in Arkansas, but we had to spend 2 summers apart.
The first time it broke us. We didn’t make it for mainly other reasons but the distance didn’t help.
The following summer I spent in London studying business. My first full day there, we were told in class about the bombs that had hit King’s Cross, less than a mile from our flats, close to the time that we were scheduled to travel there to get our tube passes. That summer made us so much stronger. I don’t think we realized how much we needed each other until that happened.
Granted, I never had to spend long months on end with only one or two visits, but the months we did spend apart taught us so much more about our relationship than if we had constantly been near each other.
Aww Miss H ::big hugs::!! LDRs really can suck, but at least yours is (relatively) short-term. We were LD for the first 8 months of our relationship, living about 250 miles apart. But we’d visit each other every single weekend for as long as possible, so it was really usually about three days a week we didn’t see each other. It’s still tough, though, and I def. know where you’re coming from
I’ve been dating my FI for 3 years, and except for two months this past summer, we’ve always been long distance. In fact, when we first started dating, he was in L.A. and I was in London! Now I’m working in NYC, and he’s in L.A.
It was hard for awhile when we were only talking once or twice a week, but we both started to make more of an effort to communicate, and now we talk every day, which helps so much. Also, he bought us both webcams, and we use Skype to chat and for video calls. It’s really nice to be able to see each other.
I think when we got engaged this past summer, it helped a lot as well, as another poster mentioned, light at the end of the tunnel, etc.
Hang in there! It may be harder for you to adjust to going to a long-distance relationship from a non-LD, but it will go fast. Plus, the flight’s nice and short, and you’ll have a lot of weekend getaways!
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Mrs. Hibiscus, Orange County Age and Occupation in 06: 25, Eyebal Doc Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Commerical Underwriter Engagement Date: September 26, 2004 Wedding Date: July 7, 2007 Venue: Laguna Beach on the beach, reception on a yacht in Newport Beach About Me: I'm an eyeball doc. Normal is boring. I'm a hat person and a cat person. I'm in love (so very very in love). I'm a dreamer. I want to change the world. Superheroes are my friends. Kindness is contagious. Music is in my heart. Carpe diem.
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