Weddingbee Blog

Great post!! It is so easy to get caught up in all the little competitive details, so it’s always good to give yourself a little smack in the face to remember what it’s REALLY all about! And, by the way, your wedding will NOT be sub-par at all with your gorgeous fall theme!!!!!

You know, I never really thought of it as a competition. It was always “well they can afford to/choose to spend the money on X, which I can’t afford/don’t care about. Whatever floats their boat.” Of course, in high school I was one of the smart kids…not the RPG nerds, but the kids that cool people like to hang out w/ around test time

I tend to look at the really extravagent weddings as inspiration for ideas for myself. “Oh, a calla lily on every plate! How pretty! I could make paper flowers and put one at every place…” or “Love the shape of those Stuart Weitzman’s…wonder if I can find something similar on Zappos?” etc.

To me, cool has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you spent on the wedding.

I do think everyone is concerned somewhat about how theirs fits into the scheme of others’, but maybe in different ways. I want mine to be a little different, a little memorable, and funky, but I couldn’t care less what it costs in relation to others. A lot of the most expensive weddings that I’ve seen seem so boring to me. :/

I definitely run across weddings that I’m jealous of, but it has nothing to do with the money they spent. I’m often jealous of really artsy people - those that can take a cool theme and run without, without it being over the top. We made our own invites but I really love those where people designed their own motif and silkscreened the invites themselves, etc. Or those weddings where the couple chose a non-traditional color scheme and dressed up their bridesmaids outfits with cool, retro pieces.

So I guess the bottom line is that I could care less who designed someone’s dress or that they got a Sylvia Weinstock cake or whatever. I definitely admire people who have creative visition and threaded their ideas throughout their event.

As far as our wedding, we had a couple unique things - some that people raved about and some that people hardly noticed. You can’t really predict what people will think, just go with what will be fun for you to plan.

We had our reception in an old auditorium of a community center but people danced their heart out and had a great time. My flowers were silk (fake) and they look way full and way more prettier than my friends that spent thousands on their real flowers. My snobbier friends looked down on me during my wedding planning saying condescending things like “what? you’re using FAKE flowers and won’t the auditorium feels like a stinky wearhouse?” My wedding turned out so much better than my friends’ classy expensive wedding that felt like I was sitting in a museum all night long. Mine was full of warmth, laughter and dancing. I got so many compliments that my wedding was “one of the best ever.” My guy friend once told me, “feed my 99 cent cheeseburgers and cheap beer at a wedding, I don’t care. It’s about good friends, good music, good dancing and being financially smart.”

I know how you feel… we planned our wedding on a small budget. We didn’t have a photobooth or a lighting designer or fancy desserts. But I tried my best to make everything very personal and get as many of my talented family and friends involved as possible and you know what? We had so many people come up to us and tell us that our ceremony was so meaningful and that the reception was the most fun they ever had.

Most people won’t remember the details, but they will remember how much you guys love each other and how that shone through. The weddings I’ve heard the most about are not the most expensive or unique ones, but the ones that are special because the couple is so special.

That’s a great comment jenn, and your wedding sounds like it was fun One of our guy friends basically said the same thing….if there’s a party, and there’s beer, I’ll be there and happy.

yeah - it’s definitely a personal thing - as long as your wedding is memorable and meaningful to you and your hubby, its a great wedding - that’s what it’s all about.

what forums are you looking at?! on the knot, i’ve only seen weddings around 10-20k and people wearing david’s bridal gowns!

I think it’s pretty natural to feel competitive sometimes. Consciously or not, some brides do try to one-up each other with fanciness of their stationery, etc. I’ve seen plenty of gorgeous, expensive weddings on the knot, complete with Monique Lhullier dress, thousands of roses, a monogram gobo, etc.

And even though some things I couldn’t care less about, like having a gobo (seems like overkill to me, no offense to others), it’s hard not to sometimes either feel a little envious or judgemental (of the “must be nice to have that kind of money” vein). It’s just human, you get over it.

I think it’s sad, too. I genuinely like coming up with a vision and trying to execute it, and I don’t feel like I’m competing with anyone else - but I do sometimes feel like I’m being pressured to do things I don’t think are necessary.

For example: Engagement photos. Our parents never had them done, and they cost a small fortune. Am I an odd duck because I don’t want engagement photos? This could cause a *gasp* - I don’t even want to put an announcement in the paper. Our family knows we’re getting married and they’ll know when we are, so is it really so weird to opt out of these things that seem so “standard” in wedding forums?

What about out-of-town gift baskets. Originally my mom was against this idea, but now she’s all about it and I’m against it. I have yet to receive an out-of-town basket for traveling to a wedding and I’ve never felt left out or forgotten over it. Are these really essential?

Then there’s the matter of entertaining guests the whole weekend. We have a lot of people traveling from around the country to be at our wedding (it’s the price you pay for attending college and meeting someone out of state), so we do want to make sure we are attentive to their needs. However, I’ve been led to believe that in addition to inviting everyone to the rehearsal dinner and, obviously the wedding, AND giving them out-of-town baskets, we are also supposed to have a morning after brunch.

If we can afford it, I think it would be very nice - but is it a must? Is anything a must? No, I don’t think so. I think a lot of wedding boards create the impression that you have to spend a lot more money than necessary or you’re a bad and selfish host.