First Night as Marrieds?
November 14th, 2006 @ 5:56 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
I wonder if the mystery and allure of the “first night together” has gone the way of 8 tracks and pet rocks - the age of excitement over the first time together has passed for a lot of us. In the past, wedding night lingerie consisted of teddys, negligees and silk. It was all about being pleasing to the eye of the new hubby, because this would be the first time he’d see you in all your nude glory- and the women wanted to look good!
Now, more couples are living together before marriage, and most likely than not, sex is a part of that. When Mr. Kiwi and I first started dating, I wore the push up bras, sexy undies and garter belts. But once we began living together though, I started leaning more towards the comfortable cotton and soft jersey materials, letting the lacy and the string-like stay towards the back of my drawer.
I always thought my wedding night would be an extravaganza of silk, satin and lace, but was shocked when I realized I wanted to be comfortable, not pinched by wires and things. Sadly, I plan on wearing a corset so I can squeeze myself some hips, not to be sexy.
I’ve often heard that most couples don’t actually have sex the night of their wedding, due to exhaustion or even hunger (not being able to catch a bite during the festivities). While this may have mattered many years ago when this night was your first ever, it’s almost like old news to us long-daters. We can have sex any old night, that one night isn’t going to matter as much now.
After living together for two years (three by the time we get married), there really are no more surprises in this relationship. He loves my cotton undies and my poodle jammies, and I love his bed hair and whisker face.
Am I jaded regarding our wedding night because it won’t be our “first time” to make it special? Are our husbands to be expecting us to wear something bridal, virginal, or in some cases, sluttier than usual because it is a special night?
Do you think that for couples who live together before marriage, sex on the wedding night has become less special?
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27 Responses to “First Night as Marrieds?”
I don’t I could (or want to) imagine weird unsure sex on a honeymoon night.
I’m sure there is some sort of expectation to make it a bit more special, though, but I believe that would just come from all of the emotional experiences surrounding that day. Otherwise, I could probably just buy a pair of vinyl boots and make the boy happy. He’s not really one for frilly cute things, which is sad because I really love to buy them!
The wedding night is no less special for those who have been dating a long time and/or living together. You may know each other inside and out, but it’s still your first night together as a married couple!
My fiance and I won’t see each other for the few weeks up to our wedding because school will be out and we live four hours away from one another. So the wedding night will be special in that way.
However, I think that even if a couple had gotten past that first time, wedding night sex is still wedding night sex. It’s something that is special, because for the first time, you are having sex with your husband/wife, and that alone makes it special.
I’ll probably have a cute something as a surprise 
we’ve been together for a long time and we are excited about seeing where the night takes us… no expectations other than to have fun and enjoy this new phase whatever that will be!
If there is too much pressure to make the evening special, it might just take the fun out of it all. Not to mention that the exhaustion alone may very well lead to… shall we say… technical difficulties. * ^_^ *
One couple I knew stopped having sex a few months prior to their wedding so that the first night will be extra special
i feel like it’s less special, since we’ve lived together. we’ve talked about abstinence leading up to the big day. i still don’t think that abstinence will make up for it.
My BF (who I plan to marry eventually) talked about this when we got serious in our relationship. We decided that we will use a condom as our source of unwanted pregnancy until we get married and have been using it for 5+ years. I know what we decided may seem silly, but I’m glad I have something to look forward to on our wedding night. 
My BF and I are going to wait until we’re married for sex, and I think it’s going to be very special because of the anticipation. It will probably be very awkward (first time for both) and not amazing, but we will have waited so long at that point that the excitement should carry us through.
My fiance and I have lived together for the past year, but I don’t think that our wedding night will be any less special. I’m very excited about purchasing and wearing some fantastic lingerie, hopefully from Agent Provocateur. I think that we will be so excited and happy from our day that it will just spill over into the evening. And we’re getting a hotel room with a jacuzzi on the balcony so if we’re just totally exhausted we still have something fun to do…
I thought the first night is more about commitment itself rather than what happens in the bedroom, because marriage is not about sex.
shouldn’t first night be special simply because of it is special?
Thanks for all your replies! I really just wanted to see the opinions from a lot of you girls, and to see how you would make the night “special” regardless of how long you’ve been together and whether or not you’ve had sex before.We’re considering a few months of abstinence, which will really be a test. The only thing that would scare me would be if that time WASN’T hard to do!
For those of you who are planning on sexy lingerie, are you going to wear it under your dress, or change into it? Will you be dissapointed if one of the two of you is too tired to “get it on”? Thanks gals!
k - i was in the same boat…though we ended up giving in our first time was our first time ever so we had a lot of laughs and we bothl look back fondly on that experience. i wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
that said, as corny/cliche as it is, every time for us is special simply because of the emotional aspect involved for us. plus, i know it’ll be even doubly special when we’re finally husband and wife 
This is why some couple abstain in the months, weeks, whatever up tot heir weddings–to build anticipation and make it a special night, I suppose.
We will have lived together for a year and a half and I plan on wearing comfortable gear, too, under the dress on the day-of. That doesn’t mean it’s not new, nice, lacy, etc.–there’s so much out there, I will find something cute and ideal.
I basically plan on making “it” happen no matter what. I want that special, once-in-a-lifetime night of memories!
We waited…and while I can’t say that makes it any better than those who have lived together already because I can’t possibly know their experiences…both of us were glad we waited.
Whether you wait or “been there done that”, I think it’s special because it’s your wedding night. It’s still your first time with your “spouse”.
We also waited until we got married, and from talking to people who didn’t, I don’t think the wedding night could be as exciting and meaningful for people if it wasn’t their first time. I am really happy with our decision.
We have lived together for a year (a year and a half by the wedding), and I don’t think that wil make it any less special. It is not like we weren’t having sex before we moved in together. For me personally, I am glad that we didn’t wait, and I don’t plan on abstaining for a certain amount of time before the wedding.
That said, I think the wedding night is special for everyone, more because of the fact that you are celebrating your union as husband and wife. Different things work for different people, whether it is candles and roses, lacy underthings, or their first time or first time together.
We have been abstaining for about a month and a half with another month to go. I bought some lingerie for the honeymoon, but I doubt I will be putting it on for the wedding night. I plan to wear comfy underthings, but a little sexy too. I am anxiously anticipating the wedding night and honeymoon. No matter what happens!
My FI and I haven’t had sex yet, and won’t until we get married. It’s ridiculously hard, but I’m really looking forward to our wedding night! 
If we’re too tired that night, I’m more than happy just be with him… but the next morning!! hehehe. I plan on getting some nice lingerie, but will change into it after the wedding, I want to be as comfortable as possible during the wedding itself!
My DH and I tried DESPERATELY to hold onto the reins of passion before our wedding day ;). Unfortunately, we had a few moments of weakness, and you know, I really wish we could get that time back and have our first ever (we were both virgins before each other) as a married couple rather than just engaged. Nevertheless, it was still a special night - free of the guilt and bad emotions following times past - and has only gotten more beautiful in the (almost) year we’ve been married. There’s something amazing that transpires when you belong to each other in marriage.
I’m afraid to imagine the horrible note on which our life together would start if our first time were that night. Did couples’ first nights back in the day magically go through while avoiding fear, pain, and other pitfalls? I really think I would be traumatized. But then, I guess growing up in culture says “Sex is bad” (and I mean American culture) could be responsible for my feeling that way.
Jewish law is not to have sex until marriage, (we broke that law) but there is also a strong tradition to abstain from even seeing each other for a week leading up to the wedding. I think that is based on the idea that it is a very stressful time and you don’t wanna take it out on your future spouse. Although my husband and I are not so religious, and we lived together before we were even engaged, we discussed different ways to try and heighten the “first night bliss”. We thought about not having sex for a month leading up to the wedding but that was just too hard. Instead, I moved in with my parents the wednesday before our sunday nuptuals. We spoke on the phone but stopped that too on friday afternoon. At the wedding, the anticipation of even just seeing him was so exciting all by itself, and the first time I did was walking down the aisle! By the time we got to the hotel that night, exhausted as we were, we could not wait to jump each other!(after we counted our checks. hee hee)
I couldn’t get this post out of my head. For some reason, it kept bugging me. I think that Cheryl has nailed it by saying we live in a culture that says “Sex is bad”.
Some of the comments about how it wouldn’t be meaningful if it wasn’t your first time really reflect that mindset, IMO.
Chrissie, I’m sorry! I honestly didn’t mean this post to be something that gets to you. I wanted to see the different viewpoints and to see if anyone else besides me felt that the “first night” is hyped up for reasons it shouldn’t be. I mean, of COURSE I think the night will be special, it’s Mr. Kiwi and I, spending our first night as husband and wife. That alone is special. I am glad we didn’t wait, because I think that personally, I’d be a little grumped if that was the night it was all to happen because GOOD LORD, how much pressure is THAT?
Miss Kiwi, I think this was a good topic, and it obviously led to good discussion.
My issue was not so much with your post itself as it was with some of the commentors. I wish we could all agree to disagree without slamming other people’s choices.
Gotcha Chrissie. I agree with you, to each her (his) own, right? Thanks for the feedback from everyone!! It’s interesting to see the various viewpoints regarding this slightly sensitive subject!
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
wait, so are you saying i cant wear boxer’s and a cami to bed that night?
teehehe!