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Your stomach sinks. You break out in a cold sweat. Feeling guilty, you go ahead anyway. You open an email from your most recent ex.
Why? You’re curious now that you’ve finally found the right person, and you no longer feel sad when you think about your ex. You kinda want to rub in the news that you’re engaged to the guy you met after you split with your ex, especially if the breakup was a bad one. I hope I’m not the only one here who feels that way, am I?
So last month I got an email from the ex. A grovelling email with the terms “best thing that ever happened” and “I screwed up.” Then he says he wants to be invited to the wedding - does he honestly think that any bride would want their most recent ex at their wedding?! That Mr. Kiwi would want him there?
I didn’t reply and just enjoyed the fact: Yes, I am a catch. 
Would you ever invite an ex? How would you feel if your FI invited his?
There is only one ex of my FI’s that I have a problem with and that is because she has been mean to me from the first time she met me. My FI had one fleeting thought about inviting her, but he quickly realized that it would not be a good thing to have her and I in the same room, as I might do something I end up regretting.
I don’t really talk to any of my exes anymore. I’ve never been the type of person to stay friends with an ex. The only person you could consider one of my exes is one of my friends since kindergarden. We dated for a few weeks our senior year of high school, realized it wasn’t working, and called things off. He’s actually the reason I met my FI and is one of the groomsmen!
However, if I was still in contact with any of my exes, I would not invite them. But that probably has something to do with the fact that my relationship with my FI is the first truly good relationship I have had since middle school.
ahhh the ex quandry. my bf doesn’t talk to any of his exes and wasn’t exactly pleased to find out that i did talk to one of my exes. that was actually the reason for our first fight.
from the moment we admitted that we wanted to marry each other, he has adamant about not having any exes at the wedding. he does not like them [mind you, he's never met any of them] simply because of the pain they caused me when we broke up.
not that i would invite any of them anyway. one, i know the bf is deadset against it, two, that would just be weird. and three, then the focus would shift from us to them and quite honestly, i can’t have that.
I would never invite any of the ex’s (both sides)..no ifs, ands, or buts about it!
I would never invite one of my exes to the wedding, mostly because I don’t keep in touch with them. As for FI’s exes I actually couldn’t care less. He’s really good friends with two of them (they were his middle school and jr.high gfs, so I don’t know if they technically count as serious exes), and still keeps in touch with them. I would have absolutely no problem inviting them because I know they’re good friends. I’m actually really good friends with one of them, too! As for his most recent ex, that’s another story. They were good friends for a while, but they don’t keep in touch anymore. I wouldn’t care if she were invited, but Tea brings up a good point of her (being his most serious ex) attracting attention for just being there.
I guess, I could care less if his exes were there, and I would actually love to have the one that I’m close to there. He’s marrying ME not one of THEM, right?
if we were still friends, which most of my exes are, i would be fine with it.
i wouldn’t care if he invited his ex either. afterall, in the end, he’s marrying me, not her.
Some of my ex-boyfriends will be at the wedding, along with their wives. (I’m the type to stay friends with them, unless they’ve done something… unfriendly).
That said, if the breakup was a bad one, no way would they get an invite, but I’d be gloating on the inside about the email.
We won’t be inviting any of our exes. My ex was such a jerk to me in hindsight, and he did ask for an invite to the wedding. However, that was a year ago, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I’m not the type to be friends with an ex; I systematically remove them from my life, and anything that reminds me of them gets thrown out as well. My FI is the same way.
I would never invite an ex. I really think it’s inappropriate. I remember watching the original Bridezillas in NYC and one girl had her ex style her hair for the wedding…weird, huh?
Very odd. Is he really trying to get invited to the wedding because he wants to celebrate your marriage, or is he hoping that seeing you again might rekindle whatever you may have had? Sorry, guess I’m just too cynical for my own good. Good call on not replying to his email, Miss Kiwi. =)
In any case, I’ll have to go with what most people have been saying. I don’t stay friends with my exes, and I would never invite them to my wedding. It would be awkward at best.
That’s kinda funny–I just talked to my only really significant ex on the phone today. I sent him an email telling him I was engaged, and sort of asking him to the wedding, once we have plans. I doubt he’ll actually come, his wife has issues with ME! Which is actually silly, she should be grateful to me, there’s been nothing between me and her husband since before they started dating, and I’m the one who tells her husband to be faithful to his wife! (He’s a dog–but doesn’t try it with me, knows he won’t get anywhere.) He’s still my friend, and I would like him to be there. The other funny thing–I sent him a link to our recent vacation pictures, and he recognized my fiance’s alias. They knew each other from an online forum they both frequented. Wow, it’s a really small world…
My ex prior to my FI is not in my life for lots of valid reasons, but my FI’s ex is actually now one of my best friends. I’m very grateful for her friendship and realize if they hadnt dated and broken up I’d never have such an important person in my life. She’s most definetely invited to the wedding. I would have had her in my bridal party if it weren’t for some close minded folks who still don’t get how I can be friends with her even though they’ve been broken up for almost 6 years now. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable so I decided just having her as a guest is just as good.
I’m still friends with an ex and he and his wife were invited. But this is my first boyfriend, we dated about 10 years ago and have been friends since we stopped dating. FI doesn’t care at all, but ex’s wife, whom I’ve met and thought was nice, is apparently threatened by me enough to not want to come to our wedding. Which makes no sense at all to me!
oh HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO.
you ARE a catch. you know it, i know it, mr. kiwi knows it, and i guess your ex knows it now.
ah, sweet vindictive revenge. and it’s the best kind because you don’t have to do anything. wow… i’m just a little bit evil. 
Hey ladies! It’s interesting the different viewpoints! So here’s what happened with me and this ex, we dated for about a year and then he moved up to SF (I’m in LA), and continued dating in an odd sadomasochistic way. So I finally broke up with him, and re-met Mr. Kiwi months later. The guy wasn’t horrible to me, he was 9 years older and really was “the boss” in the relationship, and took me for granted. Ladies, I would COOK DINNERS AND BAKE COOKIES while he worked every night I was there. Despite that, the only reason it was a hard breakup was because it really drawn out. I used to be really good friends with all my exes, in fact… most of my guy friends I had dated at one point. Not in a slutty way, of course. 
Anyway, once Mr. Kiwi and I got together, all of my guy friends (minus one good friend) sort of… went away. Which leads me to think that they really weren’t interested in my friendship after all that. 
Anyway, the really creepy part?? The ex’s MOM is the head of Mr. Kiwi’s school where he works. How awkward is THAT?
Thanks for all the thoughts, gals! Keep em coming!
omg why is it that they come knocking once they know your happily engaged!?! i would def. not I REPEAT NOT INVITE ANY EX. its no place for them to be there sorry i wouldnt invite them. good thing u didnt reply that would just keep them trying. im on email number 5 and i still havent replied
My husband and I got married in September. Between the two of us there were several ex-boyfriend/girlfriend’s at the wedding. However, we both had to agree to the said one’s that were invited. He’s actually friends with my ex.
I think it would depend on how bad/good the break up was and how they still treat you (friends, enemies, groveling). Also would leave it totally up to the fiance to decide which of your exes gets to come (i.e. I had control over which exes he invited).
How about the other side of the coin: would you think it was appropriate/necessary to go to the wedding of an ex?
Rebecca, I most likely wouldn’t go to an ex’s wedding, probably because the relationship is in the past, and even if the extended invitation was a way to make amends, I would appreciate it as it is, but decline with regret. I think. Depends on the ex, really.
i think it depends on the individual situations. i don’t have many exs, and i only keep in touch with one. when we dated, it wasn’t all that serious and we realized that we were better as friends and that’s what we are now. my fiance doesn’t speak to any of his exs. i will probably invite the one of mine that is now a good friend, though i don’t know if he will be able to come if the wedding is in another state, but i don’t think it’d be a problem or cause any trouble by him being there. any other exs, there would be no reason to invite.
no no no! but it gets kinda complicated since my ex’s sister is my best friend. =s
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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