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Weddingbee Blog
Congrats to Rock Bride who won the Romance garter and NonyMouse who won the Radiance garter in our Spoylt Garter contest! 
And now onward to our next contest of the day… The prize today is a sampling of popular favors - 2 peas in a pod salt & pepper shaker, a heart bottle stopper, perfect pair salt & pepper shaker, and photo glass coasters.
To enter, tell us a funny wedding joke in the comments section! It doesn’t matter if it’s not an original joke - you can even google it. You have until 12:00pm tomorrow to enter. We won’t tell you how we’re going to pick the winner - just make us laugh!
A wise man once said, “marriage is made up of 3 rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and suffering.” 
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was
a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear,
but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
I liked them too much!
“A young girl boards Flight BA3345 from Heathrow to New York and finds a seat in 1st class. As the Stewardesses check all the passengers, one Stewardess asks the young girl for her ticket. The young girl hand’s over her ticket, to which the Stewardess replied:
“I’m sorry, but your are sat in the wrong seat” in a helpful manner.
“”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!”" replied the young girl.
The Stewardess was surprised at the young girl’s answer, so she decided to call the Senior Steward.
The Senior Steward decided that nobody was getting a free upgrade to 1st, so she also informed the young girl that she had sat in the wrong seat and was to sit in economy at the rear.
“”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!”" replied the young girl in a firmer tone.
The Senior Steward thought that this might be a job for the Co-pilot, so she asked the Co-pilot to try and resolve this matter. So the Co-pilot decided to have a go to see if he could move the young girl.
“Excuse me Miss, but your sat in the wrong seat” said the Co-pilot.
“I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl.
“I’m sorry Miss, but if you don’t move to your proper seat, I’ll have to ask you to leave the aircraft” replied the Co-pilot.
“I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl.
Being new to this game, the Co-pilot decided to consult the Captain.
“Let me sort her out” said the Captain.
The Captain then approached the young girl and whispered in her ear.
As the Captain returned to the Flight-deck, the young girl got out of the seat and proceeded down the aircraft towards her proper seat.
“Cor, what did you say to her?” asked the Co-pilot.
To which the Captain replied: “I told her 1st class wasn’t going to New York”
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
The ceremony sucked but the “reception” was awesome!
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband#10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was….
God! I miss him!!! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the lawyer, “but, why?” “Duh! You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…. and then it was too late!”
What do Chinese cannibals eat???
Raw-men! 
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Polish Proverb:
“A woman cries on her wedding Day. The groom forever after.”
The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer’s excitement, not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother Sheila finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, “Absolutely not! I’m going to wear this dress; I’ll look like a million in it!”
Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, “Never mind dear. I’ll get another dress, after all it’s your special day, not hers.”
Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don’t have any place to wear it.”
Sheila grinned and replied, “Of course, I do, dear! I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!”
“Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?” -
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond
ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
“This is the Morris diamond,” she said. “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.”
“What’s the curse?” the man asked.
“Mr. Morris.”
What happened to the sandwich contest?? I was so excited to see all of the recipes, I went out and made a couple. I really loved the green tomato sandwich and would love to vote for it!
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
“So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, bitch, I’m married!!!”
Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time…………………Priceless !
¢¢â€š¬…”I am.¢¢â€š¬? is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language. Could it be that ¢¢â€š¬…”I do.¢¢â€š¬? is the
longest sentence?
A young bride, Josie moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years he left the box alone until she was near death.He was putting their affairs in order, he found the box and opened it. Inside he found two doilies and $80,000.
He brought her the box asked about the contents.
“My mother gave me that box the day we married,” she explained. “She told me to make a doll to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you.”
He was touched that in 50 years she’d only been mad at him twice.
“What’s the $80,000 for?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s the money I made selling the rest of the dolls.”
#1
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
#2
A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. “Put these on,” he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. “There’s no way I can wear these - they’re way too big,” she said. “Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family,” replied the husband.
Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, “Put these on.” The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, “There’s no way I can get into these.” To which the wife replied, “You’re darn right! At least not until you change your attitude!”
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