More First Night Thoughts
November 16th, 2006 @ 11:30 am by Mrs. Peach
Okayyyyy, soooo I’ve been thinking about this for some time, but I was too embawased to bring it up on weddingbee… but Miss Kiwi’s post helped me muster up my courage and just talk about it (thanks Miss Kiwi!).
For the life of me I can’t remember where - I tried to google it but that just resulted in lots of naughty sites >_< - but a few months ago I read that 60% of couples end up NOT having sex on their wedding night. That’s more than half!! For me, when I read that I was like, wwhhhhaaatttt?! This was such a shock to me because this is one of the things I’m quite looking forward to. Why? Because…*breathe* here goes… I’m a virgin (yep, and darn proud of it too! ahaha).
Mainly because of religious beliefs, Mr. Peach and I are waiting until we get married… so our first night will indeed be our FIRST night (for both of us). I’ve read the stats and have been hearing things like “Yeah, we were just so tired, we just passed out” and yada yada yada. So I’ve been thinking… should I just not have expectations for that night and almost expect it to happen the next morning? I guess we’ve waited 7 years, so what’s one more night… but stillllll! I kinda feel like there is only one real FIRST night as a married couple (and this goes for everyone whether they’ve had sex before or not).
So my question to you is this: Have you talked with your fiance about expectations of the first night?
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29 Responses to “More First Night Thoughts”
We actually just talked about this. Our wedding will take place at the reception home where we will also be staying at for the rest of the week. We also will be hosting an after party which could end up going into the next morning for all we know. We love our friends and we will most likely stay up and party with everyone until each and every one of the pass out or go home. So, with that said, we’ve decided to consummate our marriage the morning of the wedding. 
That way we’ll both be relaxed and it good spirits before we are bombarded with the stress of the wedding.
Miss Peach, I gotta give you some major congrats for saving yourself. I think that I would have burst into flames if I had to do that, not because it was so enticing, but because I’m a horndog. But really, part of me really wants to make that night special, so I think I’m going to hold of on anything for two months. Which is hard sleeping in the same bed. But whatever, he goes to sleep earlier than I do a lot. Also, our wedding ends at 4pm, so I am SO not going to be that tired. On the other hand, we will have to entertain some people who are visiting, right? Hm. He’ll probably be like, what’s the big deal if we don’t? Then I’ll have to tell him that it IS a big deal.:) Drama.
Good for you Miss Peach!!!!!!!!! But since you are undiscovered land, I think your night will be part of the 40% that do. You probably wont drink and get crazy and party it up because it will have a more signifigance to your “wedding night”. That is so great!
Us you might ask, it was a whopping 3 days until we did. We were married on a friday and with family here in vegas, we literally partied until Monday morning (no work of course).
I am like you and have saved myself for marriage. As has my fiance. Thus I’ve even been told that we may have a quickie before we go to our dinner reception. 
So yes, we will consumate on the wedding night, or perhaps the wedding afternoon if he has his way.
I think it’s great that you waited. I agree with Tristan–you’ve waited 7 years so I bet you will be in that 40%! My only advice: Be patient. You have the whole honeymoon (and the rest of your lives) to make everything “work.” Was that an overshare? Sorry…
Oh, and based on our engagement party, we will be in that 60%…basically kissed eachother goodnight and passed out.
Hey Miss Peach–my FI and I are virgins as well and I can tell you that the second we start feeling too tired, we’re headin’ on out of that reception and straight to our hotel! Granted, our wedding will be pretty casual and fun, so I think we’ll be feeling fine to even go take some pictures afterwards and stuff (we have a great photog), but the wedding night is very important to us–even though we both are trying not to have unrealistic expectations since I know a lot of couples who were disappointed with the way things turned out that first night. But if it’s important to you, then you’ll make it happen. And I’m sure he won’t be thinking, “After seven years, what’s one more night?”
Miss Peach, you’ve probably already done some “first time” research, but on the off chance that you haven’t seen this, I highly recommend Scarleteen, run my a good friend and sex educator extraordinaire (it’s geared towards teens, but applicable to anyone still learning the ins and outs of sex and their bodies).
hey miss peach! i commend anyone who’s waited. my bf and i were in the same boat but fell to temptation…lol [we were each other's first]. i’m sure you’ll be in the 40%. when you’ve been waiting for a long time and you’re with that right person there’ll be NOTHING to stop you. trust me…that’s how it happened for us [ironically enough, on my friends' wedding night. lol]. it’ll be a great experience that’ll you both look back on very fondly. and the best part is, you’re both new to it so it’s a great thing to learn together. we laughed all night trying to “figure it out” but in the end, we were both glad we waited.
well, we were definitely part of that 60%! we were both drunk and exhausted. but really, don’t set yourself up with unrealistic expectations, especially as it will be your first time. it’s okay to wait until the next night, when you might be more relaxed and not so exhausted.
in any case, have fun!
Thanks for sharing, Miss Peach! It’s nice to hear there are others who have saved themselves for marriage. We moved the time of our wedding up so that we hopefully won’t be too tired, but we know a lot of couples don’t have sex on their wedding night so we’ve talked about there being no pressure if it doesn’t happen.
Thanks everyone for sharing so far!! Miss Kiwi- you’re so funny! hahaha~
Jen- I actually haven’t done any “first time” research. Eeek. Should I? Either way, thanks for recommending that site! I will definitely check it out, but not here at work. haha. ; )
We’ll probably be in that 60% - FI gets very sleepy when he drinks, and we *will* be drinking!
Not to get all big sistery on you (I’m an older bride at 33), but for those of you who haven’t yet - um, it will most likely be a little bit disappointing. And there are some reasons why consummating in between the ceremony and reception might not be the best idea. To avoid TMI, I’ll just say yeah, do a little research or at least talk to a friend who can tell you what it’s like.
I have heard this from all my married friends, too (too tired for sex that night), but I just can’t imagine not having sex on the wedding night! I won’t be disappointed if we don’t have sex.
I also know that the honeymoon can be super sweet and that’s probably a funner, more relaxed time for such intimate moments.
Yes, and AWESOME for you to wait. There are a lot of factors that make that first time special, and waiting for “the one” is definitely one of them! I love tea’s comments.
Yay, Miss Peach! I am so glad to see a Bee (or Fruit, rather) like me! My FI and I have both waited until marriage to have sex, and I think it will be amazing! It has been hard, but it will be so worthwhile to have that to give to each other.
Congrats!!
And by the way…we don’t care HOW tired we are, we WILL have sex on our wedding night! I love the above poster who said they might have a quickie before the reception! 
haha
PLEASE do some “first time” research & talking to friends etc before building up ANY expectatons about a “quickie” DURING the wedding day. HONESTLY. It’s a fun idea … but for a first time it could be quite frustrating, painful, upsetting & perhaps prevent you from fully enjoying the reception later. It’s VERY different for guys, but for gals … usually the first time being, let’s say “successful” .. requires an extrordinary amount of RELAXATION and patience from both parties. And even then it sometimes doesn’t, uh, become “successful”. Check out some threads on the subject over on INDIEBRIDE. One wedding night virgin titled her thread “I wish someone had TOLD ME” or something like that! I don’t want to panic you … but it’s better to RESEARCH & start calming your fiance down & keeping his expectations in check re the QUICKIE/First Time … so the wedding day & night go SMOOTHLY!
Miss Peach–first of all, congrats on saving yourself! Since that’s something you really want to do, I admire that you’re doing just that
Also, I agree with what Deco said above. Much as you’d like your first time to be universally happy and fun, there’s a good chance that w/o the proper preparation it won’t be. I definitely recommend checking out the links posted above. But my most important advice would be: don’t set your expectations too high. With high expectations comes high stress, and an increased chance that things won’t go as well as hoped. I suggest that you just relax and see how it happens, without setting any goals (and I mean ANY goals). It will take a while for things to start working perfectly. The best thing you can do is be patient and prepared
Hope I haven’t embarrassed you!
What they (and I) said. Another important thing to remember is that while it’s very unlikely to blow your socks off (hee. “blow.”), HE might also have some difficulties, which is something you both should be ready for (eg, he might be too nervous to stay “ready”–this happened to my first–or he might finish in .2 seconds or whathaveyou).
Just keep in mind that the actual penetration part of sex is only a small, tiny (hee, I kill myself) part of lovemaking, and the most important thing is to be gentle and loving with one another, and ready to laugh, because awkwardness is inevitable.
Also? Please, please, please have lube on hand. It will make it a million times better for you, and it’s perfectly normal for couples to use.
waiting rocks and so do you.
try to get it on when you get some down time, if you can get any. like if there’s a gap between the ceremony and the reception. doesn’t have to completely happen right then and there, but i’m guessing it’s kind of like using a tampon for the first time; it takes some practice. then maybe try to get it on again later. i know this one couple whose first time was over the course of three days! she said she was fine after that.
Haha oh Jen…you crack me up! And I was trying *so* hard to avoid puns or double entendres in my other comment. 
Amen about the lube! It’s totally normal and good to have on hand–even if you don’t think you’ll need it.
Also, I wouldn’t try anything remotely kinky or exotic your first few times…no really unusual positions (unless they’re necessary for penetration), blindfolds, etc. You want to be confident about what you’re doing before you experiment any.
And another thing…this seems pretty minor…but as romantic as the idea of getting it on between the ceremony and reception sounds, there are lots of potential problems. Your hair and dress and makeup could get messed up and never be perfect again (ie you’d look funny in pictures), not to mention the possibility that you could both be exhausted (after my first time, I had aches in muscles I didn’t even know I *had*!!!) or even spotting (bleeding) a bit.
Wow, we’re getting personal in this comments section, aren’t we?
Yeesh. About to get really personal but in the spirit of helping others! I was, lets say, an older virgin … and ended up consummating a relationship - HA - on the morning before a trip out of town. Adrenilin took over & for a while I was fine but a couple hours later I was traveling & MISERABLE. Achy. Spotting. Etc. Also - super grumpy because of the unexpected discomfort. NOT at all what I’d want for ANYONE on their wedding day, ya know? I TOTALLY wouldn’t share this story unless I really hoped it would help.
oh boi… ahahaha. oh man, oh man am i glad i told very few people about me being a blogger here. yah *embarrassed* BUT thankful for your thoughtful comments/ concerns/ suggestions. ahahaha who would’ve ever thought i’d get first night advice from weddingbee!! i think i’m still red from blushing after reading all your comments. andddd i think yall have kinda scared me. ahaha. but a good scared- you have convinced me to talk with a good married friend of mine about it, so no worries. ^_^ wow, thanks for being so open and honest! (esp props to Jen. hahaha)
Wow, I really respect you and your fiance’s decision to wait. I really think the higher percentage of people that don’t consummate on their wedding night is due to the sheer fact that the couples are used to doing ‘it’ and it’s not so special for them.
yay for you miss peach. i’m sure your first night will be special no matter what. =)
good for you miss peach! i have also waited, but my fiance didn’t. while he only did things with one gf he had for awhile back in high school, it sometimes comes up. i think that would be a good pole and/or discussion post. whether it makes a difference if one or both have waited or decided not to wait. and how past sex lives can effect the way you and your significant other view your first night together.
miss peach, you are a blessed to have the strength of conviction that you have! props to you!
i think to add to all the very true advice, don’t allow yourself to feel time pressure, or it may lessen the experience for you. i think it’s best to make a joint decision that there will be no expectation, beyond being close together emotionally and physically after the day is over. everything happens from there!
Way to go Miss Peach! I know it is tough (my BF and I are waiting too… and I am a VERY impatient virgin) but it’s gonna be worth it!
Props for waiting! My BF and I are waiting too, but with our wedding years away it’s tough. As for the wedding night issue, my college had a christian sex therapist (yes, there is such a thing) come and speak last year. His suggestion for couples who wait is to get comfortable with each other the first night (his exact statement was “get all hot and bothered”) and wait till the next morning, as going from not much to everything in one day is a HUGE leap. Hope it helps!
Miss Peach, New Jersey/Atlanta
Age and Occupation in 07: 25, Mechanical Engineer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Student
Engagement Date: January 27, 2006
Wedding Date: March, 2007
Venue: Korean Presbyterian Church of Atlanta + Flint Hill
About Me: Mr. Peach and I started dating our senior year of high school when we both lived in Georgia. Since then, we spent 6 years in a long distance relationship. And now by the grace of God, we've made it through; we are living in the same state again (NJ) and we are gettin' married! I was originally going to ask if I could be Miss Mango bc I loveee mangos sooo much, but in the end decided to be true to my GA peach roots! woot!
i think its great you saved yourself
props to you miss peach!!