Babies On The Brain!
November 17th, 2006 @ 2:40 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
Tick*tick*tick. What’s that sound keeping me up at night? My biological clock. It’s ticking so hard I can barely focus on wedding planning! When I was dating Mr. Kiwi, my obsession was rings and engagements. After we were engaged, I spent the first few months booking things and picking out colors until my eyes crossed. Now with less than a year to the wedding, I don’t want a wedding so much anymore but a baby!
Don’t be alarmed - I go through these baby phases all the time, especially when I go into Baby Gap or Gymboree. Since I’ve been counting down the months to the wedding, I can also count down the months until we can start trying for babies! So… according to the plan Mr. Kiwi and I have agreed to (loosely), we can start trying November of ‘08.
The plan goes like this: We get married in November of 2007, just days before I turn 28 and 3 months before Mr. Kiwi turns 29. From day one, I’ve been very explicit in that I want a baby before I turn 30. So, we enjoy one full year of wedded bliss (no more and no less), and then get to it. That leaves us a full year of me being 29 to have a baby or get preggers.
I know it sounds very methodical and robotic this way, and believe me, I’m not usually a planner. I like to have life plans though, and knowing that we will be able to start trying for a family before our parents get too old and their future cousins aren’t in a completely different generation makes me feel good.
Mr. Kiwi has agreed to this plan on a few conditions: 1) We find a bigger place, 2) I learn to drive and get a license, and 3) We get a new car. I know we’ll be ready then, especially since Mr. Kiwi just got promoted and is very excited about being able to provide insurance for the future baby (even though I can, too). The funny thing is, up to the engagement all we heard was, “When are you finally getting married?” Now the ring is on my finger, the question du jour is, “When are you having babies? You know how they say to wait until the right time? Well, it’s never the right time, do it now!”
Do you guys have a plan for children? Did you and hubby/hubby to be/bf always agree on this “child plan?”
p.s. While I know this plan seems very anal, I am aware that makin’ babies doesn’t always go as planned. We are prepared to work with it should it take longer, or not take as long. 
We just want babies, and having a loose outline for our future is a great way to help us plan the rest of our lives.
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54 Responses to “Babies On The Brain!”
We want to be younger parents–30 at our first child would probably be our upper limit. I’m 21 and Mr. Blueberry is 23, so we have considerably more time to be thinking about it But we’re thinking we’ll start after he’s done with law school and is (somewhat) settled in his career–prob. when he’s 28 or so, and I’m 26.
Miss Kiwi! I’m right there with you. Pre-engagement, all I can think about was wedding planning and rings and flowers …. now that I’m engaged, all I want to do is look at baby clothes and baby toys and baby this or that. Strange, huh?
I am just amazed that you’re in Los Angeles, and you don’t know how to drive. That’s freakier than your future baby schedule. 
next years babies 2007 in chinese/korean astrological terms is considered lucky because it is the year of the “golden pig” which only happens every sixty years.
If your asking why this is what i’ve come up with each of the 12 zodiacs come with one of the 5 elements however next years element is gold which only happens every sixty years - the pig is considered a lucky animal too …
would you consider getting pregnant before your wedding to have a baby in that zodiac year?
I’m 30 now, and am *very* aware that we need to get going if we’re going to have any kids. But we are planning (and actively working towards) getting a house first, not to mention just having some time to be married for a while. But we have solid plans for a house for early ‘08, and kids shortly thereafter. But after that, we disagree. We found out during pre-marital counseling that I had planned to stay home to raise the kids, as I was raised by a SAHM. He expected me to work, as his mom had done while parenting four (wild!) boys. And we’re still working that out!
Just a shout-out to my fellow brides-to-be who are past 30 and have tossed out all their old deadlines! I think it’s great that you all have plans, but don’t let your plans get in the way of your life, either. What if you enjoy wedded bliss and want to spend a while longer with each other, just each other? Or if you need more time to adjust to being married?
I know that I sound preachy (hey, I’m over 30!) but you’ll never get that time back together when it’s only you two. The only reason I wish I had gotten married younger is so that I didn’t have to think about biological clocks! Even so, we’re probably going to wait a while so that we can enjoy each other and married life before kids.
Miss Bluebell, our kids should totally hang. If you have them when HE’s 30!!
Miss Blueberry, lucky young dog (puppy?) I wish we had that much time, but noooo.. I had to find Mr. Kiwi all late.
Nhi: I have two onesies that I found. I bought them for a cousin because they were the cutest thing EVER (little yellow embroidered duckies on white with yellow rings around the arm and leg holes & one white with yellow ringers and a soft terry cloth duck on the chest!!) but Mr. Kiwi said I could keep them after I whined for weeks about possibly never finding them again. :)I want BABY!
lol. miss kiwi, you crack me up. me and my bf don’t have definite plans on the baby making but enjoy the practicing. my mom keeps telling me to enjoy being single and married before having kids because then my life is over [very uplifting huh? lol] but i know i want to wait at least 2 years before we start since i want to have him all to myself and even though i’m 25, i still don’t know how to share
the only thing we disagree on is the number. he wants 3 and i want 2 [mainly because i'm a middle child and don't want to have to deal with another one of me]…he’s gonna have to do some fast talking for that third if he wants one.
Man, I totally want a baby next year now. DANG. I could imagine explaining that to Mr. Kiwi,. Being mexican, “Honey, the Chinese/Korean astrological time says that 2007 is the PERFECT time for us.” I am soooo intrigued.
Weezer, I am a bus ridin’ looooser. To be honest, I had cataracts removed and my freak fake lenses make me see “halos” around all sources of light at night outside. So I get freaked out that I won’t see right and kill us.
wow. your organized.
Tea, I agree with the sharing thing. We still have small tiffs about who deserves more couch. I say that I deserve half, and he says he deserves 3/4 because he is a large man. He also says I need to be okay with not being #1 in the family. Even though he calls me #3, in rankings of who the boss in the house is: #1 Him, #2 Woofie the dog, and then me. 
The dog does boss me around a bit. For instance, if he is getting punished by “daddy” he comes over and beats on me. Woofie is MEAN. He’ll like, come over and give me a toothin’. Anyway, that has nothing to do with anything.
Lucy, this is the only place I’m organized. I swear. And my wedding stuff.
Somewhere along the line I hit ’snooze’ on my biological clock, or never had one, or something. FI and I want children, eventually (two, most likely), but really don’t have a desire for them right now. I’m almost 29, he’s almost 30, but I’m at a point in my career where the next few years are really a bad time to have a child. We’ve talked about 4-5 years from now. I also don’t really mind if I physically have children vs. adopting them, and he feels the same way, so if fertility becomes an issue then we’ll just adopt.
HAHAHAHA We are the SAME way. Babies before 30! But babies old enough so mommy can party with daddy on his 30! And we gave ourselves a year to be married too! We’re starting January of ‘08.
That’s hilarious that you have onesies already. I’ve contemplated doing similar things, but decided that I may scare the FI away before we are married!
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.
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Unless I can hide them somewhere w/out him knowing….
DAMN clock is ticking so loud today!!
My original life plan was to have my first child before I was 30. But now that I am 27, and will be almost 28 when I get married, I realize just how soon that is and how nearly impossible it would be to have a child before 30. There are still things I want/need to do in terms of my career and I have plans to go back to school and don’t want to have a child until after I am done with the schooling…etc which means I realistically wouldn’t have my first child until I was 33 or 34. But that seems too old to have my first child so I’ve been re-thinking everything. If my FI can get a few more promotions, we’ll be financially set and I can just Quit my job altogether! haha 
We just got married a couple weeks ago and I have babies on the brain too.. although we want to wait a couple years so we can enjoy it being just the two of us.
We’ve also been talking about how many we want. I come from a family of 2 and he comes from a family of 8!!!!!!!!!!! We’ve decided on 4 or 5… its in the middle
I meant I come from a family of 4 (2 kids) and he comes from a family of 10 (8 kids)
wow! i didn’t realize you were a fellow LA blogger until this post, and i scrolled down. you’re lucky to have gotten this far in life without a license in this town! i’d like chauffeurs everywhere, please
my biological clock isn’t ticking yet. well, at least not audibly to me at least. we have had the talk about if/when/where/goals beforehand, though.
My mom had me at 35. I don’t think I want kids till around that age or later.
We have our plan, as well. My FI will turn 24 a week before I wedding and I will do the same 3 months later. He will be graduating college one month before (I will have one more semester after him) and will be starting his career in the financial planning industry. In that line of work, it usually takes about 3 years to really get established, so we are using those first 3 years of his job and our marriage to establish ourselves as a couple and make a home, and then the children will come after that.
nevermind, not a great reason why you don’t have a license ;). sorry, didn’t read all the comments before posting.
Miss lime, I know! I’m a total rarity here. And our public transport isn’t that good. Is it sad that sometimes my dad comes to pick me up at work? It’s not so sad because he’s my buddy and we go to dinner or lunch and he comes with me to walk the dog. And we go to the store…
Don’t think I’m pathetic, please!!
i don’t think you’re pathetic, no worries. i think that’s sweet that it gives you a chance to bond with your dad. i’m over the driving, anyway.
i wish i was like a friend of mine who also commented and lives within walking distance of work.
our public transportation sucks. plus everything is way spread out compared to other major metropolises. poo.
My FI and I don’t plan on having children - we aren’t saying NEVER, but I don’t really see us having kids of our own - maybe we’d adopt.
Miss Kiwi–hehe thanks! Yeah I’m the youngest Weddingbee, I think. But I’m still itching to start each new phase of my “grown-up” life! Got the edjumacation, the FI, and after we’ve got the house, it’s time for kids.
MCR your mom was very lucky to have you at that age and have you be completely fine. You’re a huge blessing! Chance of birth defects (especially trisomy) increases a lot after 30 and *exponentially* (think almost virtical line towards 100% on a graph) at 35.
I’m all for life plans and goals, too (we have our fair share of our own goals), but I’m a geneticist and having a baby after 35 scares the crap out of me.
joyjoy, my parents were 34 and 33 when I was born, just got in there, huh? They were 31 and 30 with my brother. I think that’s where I want to be, since we want two.
Jenn, I know! I think about babies all the time. So.. before the engagement, I got all sort of women’s fiction about weddings and engagements. Now, three books I’m currently reading: “Knocked Up”, “Bed rest” and some other baby book. Can you tell it’s on my mind?
i’m a teacher, fi is a resident physician. so, in about 2.5 years from now, I will be a tenured teacher and fi will be done with aaaall of his medical training (finally!). so in about TWO years from now, we’re gonna try to make babies!!! lots and lots of them!!!! i cant wait! i’m not even going to be married for another few months, yet here i am obsessing about fat, delicious, yummy BABIES!
woah, I thought I saw Jenn’s comment before mine. Anyway, Miss Kiwi, you should read “Babyville” by Jane Green if you like women’s fic.
Kiwi! That’s cool that you ride the bus. As Limey commented, while I’ve had a license since my teenage years, I actually walk to and from work!
But, even with the halos, it’s probably a good thing to get the license. At least you can cruise around during the day.
Joyjoy: I loved Jemima J (totally love that name btw), and Mr. Wrong (I think that’s the name). I read “The Other Woman” and it made me MAAAD! I love her!!
Joyjoy, been there, read that! LOVE Jane Green! Me loves them stories about babies.
No babies for us period! Andrew had a vasectomy in July, and we couldn’t be happier.
Yay! You’re a Jane Green fan! I’m the only Jane Green fan I know, besides you, now, of course.
JoyJoy — I’d rather adopt then have a baby early.
I’m 27 now and having a baby now is so out of the question. I can’t even see one in 5 years.
So it will have to be much later.
I have ovary issues anyway, so adoption may be the best option for me anyways.
Weezer, I totally rock the bus! Mr. Kiwi doesn’t want our kids on the bus even though I constantly explain that it is very common! So I think getting my license (and letting him put whatever money we get from the wedding towards a new car) is his wedding and x-mas gift.
Just wanted to add, if we ever have a WB Los Angeles get-together, I would totally have to have Mr. Kiwi drop me off. Oh, the shame.
I have nothing worthy to contribute to this post (except for the fact that I’d like to have kids before 30 also, but seeing that I am almost 25 and am not engaged yet…and still want to go back to school…and still want to travel, I doubt that will happen).
But…I think it’s really cool that you, Miss Kiwi, don’t have to rely on driving a car to get everywhere. It definitely is a rarity in LA but I think having to depend on a car is too much some times. Plus, you save money on gas, car payments, insurance, etc and it keeps you in shape!. I admire you Miss Kiwi! You’re not pathetic at all. And it’s great that you have that kind of relationship with your dad. I hope to be like that with my kids in the future too. =)
JoyJoy, if you are truly a geneticist, I would hate to be a victim of your counseling. The risk of a trisomy at age 35 is NOT approaching anywhere near 100%. The risk at age 45 is about 1 in 25 live births, (4% at 45) as opposed to 1 in 1500 at age 20. Maternal age does have a strong influence on the incidence of trisomy, but I believe 35 is the age at which the small risk of losing a child due to complications of amniocentesis is equal to the risk of having a baby with a trisomy, i.e. the risk is very small, NOT “a lot” or approaching 100%. So of course, older parents should talk to their doctor about genetic screening, and hopefully if they need a geneticist to explain things to them, they will get one who knows what they are talking about.
~2nd year medical student
thanks laura….i’d been toying with posting something similar
I do agree that women have to be mindful of their fertility when considering when to have children, but I think the scare tactic approach has been a bit overdone in recent years. :/
LOL, Kiwi, I have all of those on my shelf.
MCR–I didn’t mean to sound negative. I meant it in a positive way. You are literally a medical miracle in my eyes. I didn’t mean to sound like you should have a baby early just to have one, even if you don’t want one yet. Sorry if it came off that way.
Laura–If you know anything about science, you would see that I said that I’m a Geneticist, not a Genetic Counselor. Therefore, I research DNA and genetics. I don’t advise people on their risks of disease. I also didn’t mean that the risk was near 100%. I meant that AFTER 35 there was an exponential INCREASE in the risk. Sorry if I missed a few words there. You would have to see the graphs to know what I mean. No, it doesn’t reach 100%, but the increase is quite drastic. Maybe I shouldn’t have used 100% as a referrence point, and I didn’t mean it to scare anyone. I meant it as a visual. Call me crazy, but I didn’t want to write out a really long post (as I am now) explaining the logistics of the graph. As a medical student, you should know that the risk of nondisjunction is directly related to maternal age. Therefore, the risk of trisomy due to nondisjunction is directly related as well. That’s what I meant to say.
I wasn’t trying to scare anyone into having a baby early, and I doubt I did. I was just stating a fact, albeit in a shortened form that obviously missed a few key words. Sorry if I confused you.
My point was that you were using extremely misleading ’’β¬ ”facts.’’β¬? 99.5% of babies born to mothers at the age of 35 will NOT have a trisomy. MCR is not a medical miracle, there is nothing wrong with having babies at 35. I do understand what you were trying to say, but describing exponential growth as ’’β¬ ”straight line up to 100%’’β¬? was inaccurate. My point was, and still is, don’t spew out facts if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Also, not sure what a misunderstanding about your job title has to do with science, but thanks for the correction.
LOL, ok, you can take your claws in. I can see how much you are educated in the Genetics department in the fact that you still don’t see the difference between a Genetic Counselor and a Geneticist. I don’t have to explain anything else. Your last comment speaks for itself.
Sorry for hijacking your blog Miss Kiwi. I still love you!
What does being a geneticist (which could be lab tech or a physician specialty) and not a genetic counselor have to do with the fact that you posted inaccurate information? Furthermore, since you admit that you work in a lab and it’s not your job to “counsel”, don’t do it.
I also apologize for the arguing, but I don’t want anyone to think they shouldn’t have kids when they are the young age of 35 because it will take a “medical miracle” to have a normal baby.
No problem Joyjoy, like Chrissie said on my Living together post, let’s agree to disagree… I’m not on either side, just want people to get along! (Comes from having parents who hate each other) Love you guys no matter who says what.
I said 4 years, he said 2, so I said what about 3? He said, well, in two or three years. Time to get settled and enjoyed some time just the two of us. But before I turn 30 for sure. Wedding planning has taken up a lot of free time, so after my wedding and the people I’ve been following have their weddings, I suppose the only logical next step is thinking about babies! j/k
Hrmmm. We are very young, and have both agreed to wait at least 5 or 6 years before we have kids. I do go through the occasional “Oh-look-at-that-tiny-little-dress-I-want-a-little-girl” phase but those are definitely short-lived when I think about feedings every few hours, temper tantrums, and the like… all in good time, but not yet for us!
We’ve pretty much accepted we have to wait, but, that has more to do with the fact that we will get married just before I turn 30, and will be living on opposite coasts for another 2 years. We’re hoping for an actual year, together, so we’ll start trying when I am 23, and we pretty much agree on having 2-3 pretty quickly after that. I am not too worried about fertility- I think my family is part rabbit- but I don’t want to be too young or too old when it happens. I guess I am hoping my children will keep me young… my mother had my youngest brother at 32, and, she has no trouble keeping up with a teenaged boy now that she’s nearing 50, so, I don’t think I am waiting too long- but I have to admit, there are times that I worry.
(er, make that 33 No time machines here)
Oh plans… I’ve learned that plans are great things to have.
We found out two months before the wedding that I was pregnant! Fortunately, a dress can still fit at three months pregnant!
So the baby was due in February, but I ended up having him on October 23… about three and a half months early. So much for plans again!
That’s the crazy thing… I was perfectly healthy, and so was the baby, but I went into labor way too early. My husband and I will be spending the next few months in the NICU. It’s all on the website link there.
As for more kids, my husband wants to have another one in about two years… after what we’re going through right now, I’m kind of afraid of getting pregnant again.
Best of luck to you! May you have a huge belly in your ninth month, and a beautiful healthy baby! (When you do have it!)
We’re trying the night of the honeymoon! We will have been together 4 years by then, and we too have the 30 deadline. But I’ll be 27 and he’ll be 28 when we’re married, so we’re going to try right away. Maybe I’ll be done by 30! haha! I can’t wait. I even got off of birth control to prepare for this …. I’m right with you. before the ring, it was the ring, now, it’s not even the wedding, it’s about children.
Jill, I wish we could start trying the night of the honeymoon!! I am sooo jealous.
[...] Kiwi has accepted my fast-ticking biological clock as part of who I am. Iβve nannied, baby-sat and day cared for so many years itβs not even [...]
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
We have a fairly similar plan to yours, ie “first baby before 30.” But there are disagreements on if it’s get PREGNANT or actually give BIRTH before 30, and he’s a year older than me, so there’s the issue of whose “thirty” we’re counting from.
But basically, the plan is to be married ~ 2 or 3 years then start trying!