Wedding Blog
Mr. Kiwi lost his father eight years ago. In fact, he proposed on the eight year anniversary of his death, so we could find something good to celebrate that day. Now, this question has come up for me: How do we honor his father on our wedding day?
I’ve seen some ceremonies with the other parent and the child (bride/groom) lighting a candle in memory. Or just the bride and groom lighting a candle. Maybe a poem is read, and dedicated to the lost parent. The one I really like right now is a “chair of memory” where someone in the wedding party, (I’m thinking the groom) places a bouquet of flowers on an empty chair that is to remain empty through the whole ceremony. With perhaps a ribbon around the chair with a picture, or a sign with the departed’s name.
Mr. K’s mom loved her husband so much, and still says that he was her “one true love” and no one will replace him, ever. I think that having this chair next to her, so no one else can sit in it, will show Mr. Kiwi and his mom that he is still here. What do you think?
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I lost my father six months ago and have been trying to find a way to honor him.
I had liked the idea of leaving a chair of honor for him, but my mom quickly nixed that idea thinking it a bit too morbid for her to be sitting next to an empty seat throughout the ceremony. Others, I know, love the thought of saving the place for their loved one and the symbolism it involves. It’s a very sensitive, personal matter.
I would suggest having Mr. Kiwi or both of you discuss the idea with you FMIL to make sure that she is comfortable with however you choose to honor Mr. Kiwi’s father.
We are opting for a memory candle and a small table at the reception with photos and his flag (having been a vet). I will also include his wedding band in my boquet.
Good luck!
I would also recommend leaving these decisions up to Mr. K (and maybe his mother). My husband’s sister died 5 years ago and he did not want to do anything specific in memory of her at our wedding. He just thought it would be too sad and distracting from the point of the day.
A few weeks ago on Whose Wedding is it Anyways, one of the brides released “butterflies” at the end of the ceremony to remember those loved ones who are no longer with them. (There was a catch though, some of the butterflies didn’t fly out as planned, since they didn’t un-iced the butterflies in enough time).
I really like the chair idea. I also agree with Kate that it should be up to Mr. Kiwi.
Good luck!
I like the chair idea as well..I guess the only thing left if to discuss it w/ Mr. Kiwi and your MIL.
Thanks for the input everyone, I also agree it is up to Mr. Kiwi. I’d just like ideas to see what other options I can give him and FMIL as well as the chair idea. I just want to make sure he’s aknowledged in the ceremony if they wish him to be. 
I think the empty chair is a great way to do it… maybe the mom when walking in with her escort can place a rose or flower next to it.
Ash
mr. violet lost his mom 7 years ago, and we too will have to decide what we’ll be doing in order to remember her. we like the memorial candle so far and he might make a small memory speech… as for the chair idea, it’s a toss up. it’s nice in theory but i think it would be too sad for us to do.
I lost my mother several years ago, as well as a very close friend, to cancer. My fiance and I are still brain storming ideas to honor them. One idea we had was to make a note in the program about those that are “here in spirit” or “in our hearts”. We also talked about making a donation in their memory rather than give favors. Then just leave a card on each setting explaining the importance of the donation and who it represented.
These are all great ideas. My heart goes out to all of you who are missing loved ones in your wedding. I can’t imagine how hard that is.
My younger brother died about 6 years ago and I just know that if I make a very public recognition of that somewhere at my wedding that at the very least my father will start crying uncontrollably and that’s not what I want (not what my brother would have wanted either.) Personally, I think an empty chair would be very morbid and not in the spirit of a wedding. A wedding really is about new life. Also, if I memorialize my brother I will also have to do so for my 3 dead grandparents, my fiance’s 4 dead grandparents, etc. I think about my brother every day…..he is always in my heart and soul and I don’t need a chair to prove that to other people. Just my opinion.
I think it depends on the situation. For some people a chair would work. But I agree with Shelley — for mine if I had had a chair for my mother at the ceremony or reception it would have been very distracting and heartwrenching.
I wore my mother’s veil and made a mention of it in the program as a memorial, that she couldn’t be at the ceremony but that I’d wear her veil in memory. We also mentioned it at the appropriate time in the ceremony in the prayer of the faithful.
I’m sorry to hear about Mr. Kiwi’s loss. I lost my father a few years ago to cancer. To honor him on our day we included faux butterflies from WhiteAisle.com in our ceremony arch, along with a note in our program that explained that they represented those who were there in spirit. I also had my bouquet break into 4 pieces - three to toss and one to give to my mom for my father’s grave.
I’ve been thinking about this as well. I personally wouldn’t have a special chair, but I was thinking I’d have a picture of my father and have a moment of silence or a mention in the night’s program. Yeah, it is difficult to work in well. :-/
This response is a little late, but I just got engaged March 2007. My father passed away 13 years ago, and I have always dreaded the idea of walking down the aisle without my father. I’ve asked my mother to do it, and she agreed. I think the empty seat is a bit of a downer, so I’m not doing that. He loved the song ‘You are my sunshine’, so I’ve decided to play that song while showing some pictures of him during the slide show at the reception. And also a mention of him in the program. I don’t want people to be sad and crying woefully at my wedding, but at the same time I can’t imagine not remembering at such a big moment of my life. Maybe it will help all of us heal just a little bit more. Hope this helps.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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