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It’s time for Mr. Blueberry and I to decide if our officiant will run our rehearsal. This is the difference between a $150 fee and a $300 fee (and we’re paying for the officiant ourselves).
I’ve made a list of pros and cons in my head:
Pro: Of course, he’ll know just how to do things
Con: $$$
That’s pretty much what it boils down to. I’m sure I could run the rehearsal myself–I know lots of brides do–but I worry (don’t laugh) that people won’t listen to me. And if I assert myself, I’ll come across as b*tchy, and will make people mad. There’s no one else really to run the rehearsal besides me, since I know just what’s going on and how I want things to work–i.e. I can’t really ask a friend or someone. Yes, I’m a control freak :P.
So what do you think? Should I shell out the big bucks (it really is a lot of money to us) to have the officiant there? I don’t know if the peace of mind will be worth it or not. Who’s running your rehearsal?
i would definitely have the officiant there.
you only get one rehearsal, and only one ceremony. the $150 will be worth it to make sure that things run smoothly.
I would suggest having someone else run the show, so they would worry about the whereabouts or whatabouts. You are to enjoy the day and not worry about who, what, when, where, and how. I’ll be having someone I trust and already married, my sister. She’s gone through it all, so she would know the ups and downs of things to do and what not to do. I might hire a day-of coordinator b/c I want her to enjoy the wedding, but she might insist on running the show.
It sounds to me like you or someone in the wedding party should run the show. It will save you money and if you think you need to be in control trust me, I’ve seen plenty of officiants who step on brides’ toes at rehearsal because they conduct them the way they are used to. Unless you are very specific with the officiant he probably will not run things exactly the way you want them. To be sure that everything is correct I say just do it yourself, just try to be patient and nice about it. Good luck!
i think you should have him there, too! $150 is a lot of money, but if there are big mistakes during the ceremony, then was it really worth saving $150? you don’t know what will go right, what will go wrong. if he practices with you, you will get a feel for how the ceremony is supposed to run. less stress for you the day of.
make sure he’s there during the rehearsal because practice makes perfect.
I vote do it yourself. To make sure everyone listens and to avoid any bridezilla behavior, I would suggest recruiting one or two family members or bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc to “back you up”. I think people will be more apt to listen and pay attention if there are a few people who are reminding them.
Is there a site coordinator wherever you are having the wedding? In my experience the coordinator for the church or site runs the rehearsal…am I wrong? That’s what we did.
I think you could totally do it on your own. Do a little research on the internet and have your mom or another family member tell people where to go. It’s not rocket science–it’s totally doable without paying $$$! 
Hire the officiant. I think it will probably be worth it, even if it’s making a slight extra financial stretch initially for you. The day before is not when you want to start freaking out… plus it’s nice to leave the assertion to someone who can’t later be called a bridezilla behind his or her back.
What a tough issue! I would say, I was very grateful that we had someone to run the rehearsal. It was CHAOS. Everyone was late, calling me for directions, the kids were running around, my dad was panicking about the dinner starting late… If I had to stand on a chair and start yelling, it would not have been fun. Fortunately the DOC was there to run things. She got everyone’s attn, got everyone lined up, etc.
And it would have been nice if our officiant had been there. He didn’t give us that option but he still had the gall to try to direct the processional - during the ceremony. Bad man.
I’m confused - is the issue that the officiant won’t be there at all if you don’t pay the extra $150 or that he won’t run the rehearsal without the extra $150?
In my mind there’s no point to the rehearsal if the officiant isn’t there, but if it’s that he will be there but won’t direct people then save your money and go with that option.
We actually never had a rehearsal and things went perfectly.
Why would you be considered bitchy if you asserted yourself? These are your friends and loved ones, right? In any situation, a woman should be able to assert herself in a calm way and not be considered bitchy, and in this one, you certainly should be able to be assertive. And even if they think that, isn’t it their problem? Do it yourself. Save the money for your honeymoon–go out for a fab dinner with it!
I’m debating exactly the same thing as well. I probably won’t hire an officiant for an additional $150. I’m semi confident I can do it myself because I think we just need to make sure everyone knows what order to go in and where to stand.
My problem is, I’m actually not absolutely certain where everyone’s supposed to stand and everyone our age either had a really simple ceremony (aka just one attendant) and/or are not married yet. But it can’t be that complicated as long as we are organized right?
I think you should be as assertive as you want during the rehearsal, and then at the end (or beginning) of the rehearsal, thank everyone for their patience, and let them know that they should do the best that they can, but if they don’t remember anything or things screw up anyway — that it’s ok and you won’t get mad at them for it. Your wedding party should understand. And if you prepare really well, draw a diagram, write things down, give out instructions ahead of time, maybe people will be less confused at the rehearsal and you won’t have to get exasperated at them as much.
By the way, have you came across helpful sources that tells you exactly how a ceremony is supposed to occur? I tried looking in the Knot book, but it wasn’t very helpful. In fact, could you please share your knowledge and write a blog entry illustrating the basics of a ceremony??!!
fosse–good advice! And sure, I’d be happy to write an entry with that–but my ceremony is going to be short since it’s completely secular. You can look for an entry in a day or two
Hmmmm…
First, let your officiant know that you’d at least like hime there so the day of you both know what to expect from the other. Be blunt, it’s not in your budget to double your costs, maybe he could come for a limited time? Say, for a half an hour and after you’ve already figured out your placement and run it through a few times. Maybe in exchange for a rd invite?
Second, put someone, your dad, sis or MOH or a close friend not actually in the wedding party (this may be best) in charge. Make a list of your vision and have them run it for you. Clipboards are a powerful weapon.
Personally, and maybe it’s just my diy-ing heart, I’d rather not have the officiant run it. In past weddings I’ve been in, they’ve been bossy about “the way it’s done” (ie their vision) and tried to keep it as short as possible. I think it’s your chance to see- in reality- what works and how. That can take some playing around. Also, you don’t want to cut it short for their convience. They’ve done this a million times before, but you haven’t.
i ran miss butterfly’s before the ceremony, and it was pretty easy. i think you could def diy.. maybe ask a friend/family member to help out. but if you have the layout done beforehand, it should only take 15 min or so to do 2 walk throughs. i’d be happy to help if you need it!
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Mrs. Blueberry, Kansas City Age and Occupation in 06: 21, Full-time Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Full-time Student Engagement Date: September 10, 2005 Wedding Date: May 25, 2007 Venue: Wynbrick Center - a historic mansion in my hometown. About Me: We're having an intimate, 125-ish person wedding with a full-blown dessert reception. When I'm not obsessing over wedding stuff or studying for my BA in English, I'm usually playing with our two kitty cats, blogging, doing crafty things, or hanging out with Mr. Blueberry!
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