Ack! I need help finding an appropriate mother-of-the-bride dress for my stepmother. She’s not old enough to be my mother (late 40′s) so I don’t want to dress her like she is. Any suggestions on where to shop? It’s a Friday evening, summer wedding that’s not black tie, and we’re taking photos outside before the ceremony.
Thanks – you guys are the best!
xo,
e
I vote for more retail places as well. Anything she would wear to any other semi-formal event should probably be appropriate. The department store route may be good – Nordie’s, Macy’s, Bloomie’s, or whatever dept. stores are mid- to high-end in your area (if they fit her/your budget) would be a good place to start as they usually have a nice range.
Just ordered two dresses for my sister-in-law at overstock.com. They have some great things!
Ann Taylor celebrations. They often have nice things. And you can avoid the hassle of a bridal salon.
Or you could just have her wear a long white gown. That’s what my stepmother in law wore to my wedding. That’s not weird at all.
What about a BM dress that doesn’t look too bridesmaidy? Then you could really find a color that doesn’t clash with your color scheme. I wouldn’t have her wear white though, I think the bride should be the only one wearing white at your wedding!!
Oh just find a normal retail dress appropriate for the occasion. Maybe a bit more formal that your average guest’s attire. She can really were anything that she can pull off – though white does seem wierd even though I know MOB and MOG often were almost-white pastels.
My mom found her dress at http://www.chadwicks.com. They have a nice enough selection of conservative, but not too stuffy, gowns.
ladies i think that linnybride was being sarcastic 
i love anthropologie, their dresses are fun but always ladylike and classy.
I’m sorry if it wasn’t clear that I was being sarcastic. Of course the mothers/stepmothers shouldn’t wear anything that looks like a wedding dress or really, white. My husband’s stepmother did to our wedding and only because she’s so weird and it wasn’t worth it for us to fight with her. That said, it was still weird, and was proof positive that it is just a bad idea.
Not to hijack this thread, though. why doesn’t she just buy a beautiful gown or dress from her favorite store? If she stays out of bridal then she will likely avoid looking like an old woman (like many traditional mother of the bride gowns will do).
thanks for all the ideas, ladies! i hadn’t thought of chadwicks. i should check that out. linnybride – you totally cracked me up. she did buy something on her own but it wasn’t really to anyone’s liking. it’s not that it didn’t fit my color scheme or image – i don’t care what she wears really -it just didn’t suit her. I’m trying to help her out and give her some ideas but I’m a little out of my element – I’m not that familiar with her demographic. I’m hoping maybe when spring/summer lines come out it will become a bit easier to find something perf.
I hope someone can help me…
I ‘am a step-mother of a soon to be bride. I have been her step-mother for 16 yrs and we are very close. She is 26 and I am 41. Her Mother will be at the wedding, what would be an approriote thing for me to wear, I am much younger than her Mother and Our daughter wants me to dress my age not her mothers age. I dont know how to handle this issue. I need help!! The wedding is in Aug of this year.
Wow-sounds like we’ve got the same issue. My stepdaughter is 21 & I’m 35. Her mom is only 40, but she and I are probably a good 25 “fashion years” apart. My step also wants me to dress my age (actually suggesting Juniors stores which we shop in together) and wear her bridesmaids’s colors.
From what I’ve learned, the appropriate thing to do is let the bioligical mom pick her color first. (Hers is wearing black.) Geez! I’ve been going crazy with this—! The main no-no is trying to up-stage the bride which would make me feel really foolish anyway and it sounds like even if we wear beige, we’re going to upstage the mom anyway, so why not go with the bride’s wishes? Let me know what you think. Note: my 3 & 5 yr. old daughters are her flower girls.
I helped raise my step daughter yet I have always been background noise. Yes I even thought about not going to the wedding. Getting a little tired of being treated as a second class parent. Me and her father have been married over 22 years. He and his ex were only married 6. The MOB is wearing a long white gown with a little black. That just seems wrong to me but I am not her. I am in my 40′s and plan on wearing something like a tailored jacket with a skirt. Since it’s an evening wedding a long skirt is fine but I will probably go with a knee length. I strongly disagree that all step mom’s should fade into the background as I have now read on several web sites. Why even bother showing up. Maybe I should just wear a mini skirt with a big A on my chest instead of giving any thought to what my step daughter wants. It’s just absurd that step parents are always viewed as second class citizens. I will wear something appropriate for my age; but mainly I don’t care what the MOB wears I am more concerned that my step daughter is the one that shines.
I have been stepmom for 12 years now and am tring to figure it all out too. I also think it’s silly to dress like I would for any other wedding – it’s a special occassion to see my step daughter get married! Besides that, my husband will be in a tux and our 2 daughters will be jr. bridemaids, so I plan to go close to level of formality of the MOB and MOG. I’ll just let them pick first and ask my stepdaughter if she has a color she prefers me in. Need a laugh? The MOB once when we both chaperoned a high school father-daughter formal told me that the moms were to wear “church dresses”, yet she showed up in a sparkly cocktail dress. I had decided to go cocktail anyway since I had a few dresses in the closet and was glad I did! Most moms were in formals since the Dads were in tuxes. She plain lied to me. So, I know not to ask her for cues! She was married before I ever met her ex, so there was no history, just her choice to be petty with me.
I am going through the same thing as everyone else (I’m 39 y.o. & stepdaughter is 21). My stepdaughter is getting married in a few weeks and told me to just wear whatever I want when we originally planned the wedding. However, she told me 2 weeks ago that she now prefers me to wear ivory (which I am against…but it’s her wedding) because the mob is wearing ivory and she wanted her mom’s in the same color. I have been stressed out trying to find anything close to this color (naturally most stores don’t carry this on short notice) when I finally found a champagne colored dress that has a touch of ivory (very little) in the top. I sent a picture to my stepdaughter last pm and she told me now it doesn’t matter what I wear because the mob is wearing navy blue….uugghh!! I think the mob switched it on purpose just to mess with me, but that is what has happened. The bride’s colors are blue and ivory….will I be ok as stepmom in champagne when the mob is wearing navy blue now?
Well I finally decided what to wear and since the wedding is in two weeks it’s about time. I decided to play it safe and wear a complimentary color to the bridal party. I just could not bring myself to wear anything with black like the MOB is. It’s an evening wedding and the colors for the wedding are burgundy, ivory and silver. So I went with a light sage green tailored top and matching long skirt. It’s tailored and elegant. The buttons are rhinestones and smaller in size so not flashy. I am sorry but I am old fashioned wearing black means you disapprove of the wedding and the MOB should know this. Not to mention that wearing white next to the bride will make the brides dress look dirty in the pictures. I really wish the MOB had thought her choice threw. The only black I am wearing is a small clutch and shoes. (heeled sandals really)
Stressed out; wear the navy blue or something that will compliment the other colors of the wedding. After all the only person who should stand out is the bride.
This has been a nutty experience and I really wish I would of had more input. However I would not of felt right wearing black. I have seen bridesmaids wear black and it does look elegant for a nighttime wedding in the winter. But what about a summer wedding says “black” ewww. No, no, no. lol.
My last bit of advice; wear something that compliments you too. No need to dress like your 20 years older than you are either. Some dresses and wedding suits I saw were just butt ugly lol.
Hope I helped some
@confused stepmom:
I also am a 37 yr. old step-mother of the bride. I am very close to my step daughter as she is only 31. The wedding is in February. The MOB is wearing purple, (she has not bought her dress so I dont know how she can pick her color yet.) The problem I am having is that I don’t want to look frumpy and all I am finding is typical mob or prom looking dresses. I am trying to decide what color to wear, the bridesmaids are in a watermelon color with a coral blue sash. Are there any suggestions where I can go to have not a flashy but dress that would help me look my age and not frumpy??
I am 53 and stepmom of the bride. Her mother died 10 years ago and I raised her from 16 on. We got along well enough until her future mother-in-law took over the mother role last year. She even told me she is the kids’ mother now. She insisted on going to the bridal shopping and ended up paying for the dress. I am not allowed to do anything in the mother role, so I learned. Her mother-in-law to be is going to do that. Wedding is not til June. Bride told me it doesn’t matter what I wear. She has just turned her back on me completely. So, at this point, I have no idea what to wear. One of my sisters says wear a pants suit, the other says wear a gown (it is black tie evening). . My relationship with the bride is not as good as it used to be.
I am 11 years younger than my stepmom who is 14 years younger than my dad. They’ve been married over 23 years. Most guys would probably say “good for him,” but to his kids, it’s embarrassing. I mean really, I have friends with siblings older than my step”mom”. We get along fine now that none of us live at home anymore…she finally has the life she wanted without someone else’s kids getting in the way.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice lady. She treats my dad well and we love her for that.
Anyway, here is what I recommend for wedding attire:
1. Ask the bride what she wants
2. Accept the fact that the mother of the bride should pick first.
3. Once you discuss things with the bride and the mother picks, then choose something dressier than regular wedding guests, but not as dressy as the mothers of the bride/groom.
4. Don’t wear white, and choose a color that’s different than what the mothers are wearing but will still coordinate in wedding photos. (Maybe you can coordinate with the bridesmaids?)
5. Conservative is best. I know you don’t want to appear “stuffy,” but picking a low-cut dress will only emphasize how much younger you are than the mom, thus embarrassing the bride and yourself without knowing it.
6. Accept the fact that you ARE a second class parent. No amount of stress, effort, kind actions, or good intentions on your part will ever change that. If you do not have the maturity to accept this from day one, you should not marry someone who has kids. Period.
That said, best of luck. Most of you sound like you have the maturity and empathy to make it a positive experience for everyone.
To Irritated:
You did try to sound mature, but failed. You give yourself away as a still-angry child in your point #6. Capitalizing words in emails or any written communication is a/k/a ‘screaming’, as in ‘tantrum’. You still do not accept that your parents divorced or a parent passed away and you were stuck with someone else. Allowing oneself to become a step-parent and really try to take that role on with love for the children takes first-class maturity and selflessness, the likes of which you cannot possibly understand unless you experience it yourself. If yours beat you or abused you that’s one thing. But something tells me you needed therapy a long time ago and didn’t get it. No time like the present.
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