The Dollar Dance - Yes? or No?
January 3rd, 2007 @ 11:45 pm by Mrs. Raspberry
With roots stemming from the early part of the 20th century, the dollar dance has long been a traditional part of both Polish and Italian weddings. Today this has grown into a much anticipated ritual with brides and grooms of many cultures, but has also become a question of etiquette.
I have been thinking about whether or not to include this in our wedding. I haven’t been to a recent wedding where it was included, yet we have had several of our guests ask if we will be doing it. They think it is a fun way to spend a couple of minutes with the bride or groom on such a busy day.
I have a serious problem with asking people to give us more money - especially to dance with us - when they are already travelling (several of them) and sending beautiful gifts!
Please help - I am totally torn!
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43 Responses to “The Dollar Dance - Yes? or No?”
I personally wouldn’t do it because….we don’t dance well…and it would be really awkward…
But, if we could boogie down and sure that a lot of guests would participate….I would go for it!
Have there been money dance horror stories?
Good Luck!
Well, if you like the idea, but aren’t interested in accepting the money, you could always collect the money for charity. And then give it to a charity that you feel passionate about.
dance but don’t ask for money…
i have been to a wedding where the DJ got all the guests up on the dance floor in a circle while the bride and groom took turns dancing with the guests.
It is your wedding. You decide what goes into your wedding and what you are comfortable with and it doesn’t sound like you are comfortable with the idea.
I wouldn’t do it, just because after coming to the wedding (often a long distance for guests) and paying for a hotel room and a present, I think guests might be a little put off by being asked for money to dance with the bride and groom. Of course the guests can always opt not to do the money dance, but if it is a option and centrally focused in any way, they might feel pressured to participate.
you could ask them to do “wishes” for the bride and groom instead of dollars
It’s tradition for our families and culture to have the dollar dance at the wedding. I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding that didn’t have it. I guess it depends on how comfortable everyone is with it. In all my cousin’s weddings, my relatives prepare dollar leis and crowns just for this dance. It never occurred to me that others might feel that its rude, and now I’m wondering how non-family guests will feel.
I was against it, but my FI really wants the dollar dance (says it’s tradition and gets people who don’t usually dance out on the dance floor) so I think I’m caving.
i’ve been to some weddings with,and some without-I,personally,really hate it,and it isn’t part of my background or my FH’s,so we’ll be skipping it. I like the wish idea though,if you feel you need to include it.
I agree with Jasmin, it is tradition in our family. I know my aunts would probably throw a fit if one didn’t happen. I suppose its all about traditions within a family.
I was at a wedding recently that where the GUESTS were requestig it. The grrom refused but when hei friends egged him on he had no choice. We all took part, its a silly fun thing to do but obviously it is your choice.
I think it depends on if it is a tradition in your family or not. If people are expecting it, then it’s ok to do. Otherwise it is completely tacky to ask for money for a dance (IMHO). I had never heard of this before, and went to a friend’s wedding where they were doing this. I was a little bit shocked. I agree that the dancing part is nice, but do without the $$ if it is not an expected family tradition.
I have been to several weddings and have yet to experience the dollar dance. What do your parents think of it? If they think it’s fine then I say go for it.
It is usually a staple at the large family weddings I have been to but I cannot stand that sort of thing.
We didn’t do any of that-no dollar dance, chicken dance, electric slide, garter toss etc..I just didn’t want it and my husband didn’t really care either way.
I just think some of these so-called wedding traditions are just so tacky but I know some people grew up with them and that is what the family will expect.
Honestly, do what makes you and your fiancee comfortable, that is the most important thing.
I had never heard of such a thing until 2 years ago, and I didn’t believe that it existed at first. I agree that if it’s a family tradition you should consider it, but to be completely honest I find it incredibly disgusting and degrading.
If your incentive is to spend time with guests, you can do that in other ways (be pro-active and dance/ talk with different guests throughout the party).
If your incentive is to follow tradition, then have the money donated to charity and announce that in order to eliminate any tackiness associated with the dollar dance
You know , I was at my best friend’s wedding and they did the dollar dance and I didn’t have a dollar. The reception was at a large convention center that also had a hotel where everyone was staying and since most people just thought they were going down for the wedding they didn’t have any cash on them — they’d left it in their hotel rooms. What about handing out monopoly money or something (or printing off some personalized play money with your monogram and photos) and having that available? That might be a fun thing for flower girls and ring bearers to pass out.
i think it’s tacky - especially if you are having a small wedding. if the wedding is large, at least guest like me, who hate it, can hide or leave. if you must do it, i like the ideas of printed fake money or a wish dance where guests could ‘pay’ you with advise
It’s been done in my family, but I never considered doing it myself. That said, I’m a little offended that it’s being called “disgusting and degrading.” Ladies, we’re not putting those dollar bills anywhere naughty. Your old aunts and uncles look forward to it and kids get excited about it. Sure it’s tacky, but lots of traditions are.
Miss Raspberry, do not be ashamed to do the dollar dance if it’s a custom in your family. Just make it your own.
It’s been done at most of the weddings I’ve been to. At the last wedding my FI and I were at he had the money ready and was waiting for the dance, and we were disapointed to find out that it wasn’t going to happen. I’ve never seen it as the couple asking for money.
It’s tradition for it to be done at Filipino weddings too. So, I think we’re doing it. I didn’t even think about that other people may think it’s rude! Yikes! I don’t even think I’ve run it by my FI yet…. I just assumed everyone does it…. now you’ve got me wondering.
If it’s really a cultural tradition for your families and everyone expects it, I’d do it, but not otherwise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one (other than in movies). I love the idea of a charity dance, and it helps camp it up a bit if the couple is shilling for a charity. You can have fun with it that way, and do some good.
My family asked when we were doing it. So we ended up doing it.
I’ve been to a few weddings that had dollar dances (it’s common at my family weddings) and I think it’s more fun if you pay your dollar and get a shot (or whiskey or something) or a sucker for the little kids. There never seems to be an obligation to dance, and it’s only a dollar. Plus you can get really cute shots of the groom dancing with a young niece or something!
The dollar dance was the most fun part of my sister’s reception. I think it’s a great chance to have a private time with the bride or groom. Also it’s only a DOLLAR! I know people spend a lot of money to come to your wedding, but with the cost of weddings these days, you (or your parents, etc.) spend a lot of money to have them there too! I noticed at my sister’s wedding that people were giving dollars to those without money, and some people woudl split $5 bills.
I’m Polish and Italian, and no one in my family has ever done a Dollar Dance. I only heard about it a few years ago when they had one at a (non-Polish, non-Italian) wedding I attended. No one explained the tradition, either, it was just, “OK, folks, line up and shell out to dance with the bride and groom.” The DJ was pretty obnoxious about it, too, so it just felt very coercive and unpleasant.
I agree that if most guests are expecting it, it is OK to do, but someone should explain the tradition for those who aren’t familiar with it. I love the idea of giving the money to a charity instead.
I think it totally depends on the crowd coming to your wedding. In our circle it was an expected thing to do (which we were both fine with) and we actually ended up making a ridiculous amount of money!
Personally, I’m not a fan at all…put me in the “it’s tacky and unnecessary” camp. But I love eisor’s idea of collecting the proceeds for charity. That way you can appease both your family tradition, and your own sense of etiquette 
Let us know what you decide!
We did it at our wedding and it was really nice to dance with almost everyone. Our DJ made sure to say, “Even a dollar is ok.” And that made everyone shoot right up. We walked away with a nice chunk we were in no way expecting.
Tip- Be sure to have your photographer ready and try to take pics of everyone you dance with(if you choose to do it) They make a nice gift to some. We have the cutest picture of my niece giving me a quarter, shoulders shrugged with the “But I don’t have a dollar” face.
If it’s tradition, then do it. Just be prepared for a lot of people thinking it’s tacky. You can’t have everything. However, it’s not disgusting or degrading–it’s not as if anyone’s tucking the bills into the bride’s g-string. (I hope!)
It’s not a tradition in either of our families, and I hope to dance with everyone who wants to dance with me anyway! It’s one of the many reasons we’re having a small wedding–we’ll be able to spend some time with all our guests.
My fiance’s family is Filipino, and at his cousin’s wedding a couple years ago there was a dollar dance, which felt totally natural because the wedding was so intercultural and fun. For a WASP-y family, not sure it would work as well; I know my family would ordinarily get offended in a Miss Manners way, but is more tolerant when it flows from tradition and is not forced. I hadn’t thought about having it at our wedding, but if the Filipinos ask for it, maybe we’ll do it for fun and have the DJ announce that the money will be donated to the church where we have the wedding?
it’s often done at korean weddings but they don’t give dollars - they give hundreds! it depends on what your family/culture traditions are. at all the weddings i’ve been to where it was done, it was actually a lot of fun. it’s only a dollar too which you can even hand out to the guests if you want.
i have a big, mostly polish family (on my mother’s side) and i had never heard of it until i started looking at planning sites. it doesn’t sound like you are comfortable with it and while it might be fun, it’s your decision. all that matters is whether you and your fiance want to do it. if you think it sounds like fun, go for it. if you think it sounds tacky or awkward, then don’t.
i also like to the idea of donating the money to charity. people would be inclined to give for a good cause and it might take the edge off the awkward feeling of asking for more money since it’s not really going to you.
How about having a “dollar-dance” but have guests fill out a card with good wishes for the bride and groom instead of giving dollars? I’m thinking about doing that at my wedding. That way, you’ll end up with MANY cards that you can read on the way to your honeymoon and get to spend time with your guests!
Money dance has been a long tradition in the Spanish and Filipino cultures. Much like what Mrs Bee had said. It all depends on the person giving the money.
Not long ago, I have attended my friends wedding and in Nigerian culture the parents and the married couple throw money to the newly wed to make then dance more. It is a tradition that is called now a days a money dance. it is simply to help and bring good fortune for the newly weds.
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i haven’t been to a wedding without a dollar dance. everyone was expecting it [there's always a super long line!] and it was a fun way to spend time with the couple during the day. and really, no one puts any pressure to participate and drops loads of cash. but like a lot of people have said, go with who’s coming. if it’s not the kind of crowd who’d expect it, then don’t do it or change it. if it is, then just go with it. you’ll have fun.
Place paper strips and pens on a small table. When time for the dollar dance, have them fill out the paper with advice on how to have a happy marriage or future. In order to dance with you, they just drop it in a hat.
You get the benefit of having a chance to dance with your guests, you don’t make them pay and you get advice that you can cherish.
This was the #1 thing I knew I would NOT have at my wedding. It is quite common in the small midwestern town I grew up in, and I quickly knew it wasn’t for me. I just find the whole thing to be a bit uncomfortable. The dollar part of it doesn’t bother me as much as feeling that (as a guest) I am obligated to go dance with the groom for 20 seconds. It’s awkward.
In the end I say “to each her own,” and if it is something your family/guests will be expecting then maybe it’s not so bad. Just make sure you’re doing it because you really want to.
I’m with Jasmin–where to draw the line? It’s a tradition in my family (I guess I can’t say it’s cultural because we’re part of any of the cultures mentioned above) to where I can’t remember a family/friend wedding where we didn’t have it. I have uncles who bring 100 dollar bills to wedding expecting this dance–they WANT to give it to you and I think the novelty is fun for most, instead of sticking it in a card. I never could have thought of it as rude because it’s always happened at the weddings I’ve been to within our “circle.”
Then, I went on the The Knot, and a college friend’s wedding where another guest was mortified that the couple had a money dance.
I think it’s a personal choice and you just have to confident in your decision. When it’s a tradition, the families are coming prepared with this extra money with the intentions of helping out the newlyweds, who in the traditional sense usually need the jump start!
And like Chrissy, I’ve been to other weddings where it wasn’t planned, but the guests just grabbed a purse to hand to the bride and got one started. Like Maggie, I’ve never-ever thought of it as begging or asking for money–it was just part of the wedding reception!
Finally, it’s a choice for the guests, too. You detest it? Don’t participate. Only have a dollar? That’s perfectly fine! Only have a five adn don’t want to spend it all on the groom? This was the case at one wedding I went to, so a friend and I went up, and danced with the bride as a trio. It’s not like someone is standing there being the cash warden, who would tell you to ‘get a life’ if you give only a dollar or if you try to dance with the bride instead of the groom. It’s meant to be a fun experience!
I know I wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t part of my family’s traditions. Every wedding and family is different, I guess!
I am from Slovakia and we have a tradition of “money dance” although it is not referred to as such. It is danced at midnight. The bride changes from her white wedding dress into traditional folk outfit and married women ( usually led by bride’s God mother) take off her veil and change it for cap (in the past, that was reserved to be worn only by married women). This is done while women ( nowadays you usually hire them) sing traditional songs. Once the bride is “capped” she is considered a woman and no longer a girl or bride. She then dances with her closest family, friends and guests who throw money into a basket. Once they finish dancing with the bride, the God Mother offers them a shot and usually a piece of cake ( we serve more cakes not just the wedding cake). The last to dance with the bride is the groom who is expected to throw in his entire wallet. The money is then taken from the basket and thrown into bride’s apron ( part of the outfit) and it is considered to help her start off in her new married life. After the dance, bride doesn’t change back into her wedding dress anymore but rather into a regular evening gown ( usually red, but can be different color). Personally, I think it’s a nice tradition and the one that symbolizes bride becoming a married woman. Definitely not “line up and pay for a dance” kind of thing.
here is the link to what the whole “capping” procedure looks like, just to give you the idea (borrowed from Slovak wedding site): http://www.mojasvadba.sk/album/view.php?vImageID=230769&vReferer=%2Falbum%2Findex_weddings.php%3FvOrderBy%3D2%26vOffset%3D450
Just wanted to add my 2 cents :-))
My fiance and I have been back and forth on this. We wanted to do one, but were worried about offending anyone. We’ve decided to merge the ideas listed here. We’ll have the DJ announce the dance and give guests the option of paying $1 to be spent on the honeymoon, put money in pre-printed envelopes to our favorite charities, or write wishes and/or advice on play money. That way it’s totally up to them. Thanks for the great ideas!
At the wedding reception i went to that had a dollar dance, no one was forced to go up and dance… those who wished to formed a line, and they paid the maid of honor/best man and got to dance with the bride. It was a choice thing. Those who didn’t wish to do it, didn’t have to. Therefore, rest assured that no one who paided would be offended.
i agree with those who say to give to charity if you wish to not keep it for yourselves.
Mrs. Raspberry, DC/New York
Age and Occupation in 07: 24, Owner/Chief Creative Director
Fiance's Age in 07: 24, Special Investigator for the government
Engagement Date: August 5, 2006
Wedding Date: July 2007
Venue: The Roycroft Inn, East Aurora NY
About Me: I love wedding and event planning. I am having a great time with all of my DIY projects and can't wait to share them with all of the WeddingBee Readers (some have to wait until after our wedding)! Other favorites include: cooking, running, tennis, knitting and making crafts. Mr. Raspberry and I also have two dogs - Gewurz, a 2 year old
yellow lab and Stella, a 1 year old old cock-a poo.
People gave us money without our having to dance.
This is a personal choice. Brace yourself for some naysayers. Ultimately, it’s up to you.