The Five Love Languages
January 5th, 2007 @ 4:44 pm by Mrs. Poppy
Mr. Poppy and I are doing a premarital counseling thing with our wonderful officiant/pastor since we’ve been engaged. The first thing that was recommended was a book entitled: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate by Gary Chapman. I am not one that likes reading books that are along the self help line, but I have to say that this book changed my whole outlook on relationships.
The book talks about how there are five primary love languages and that each of us has our own “language.” It explains in depth about the five languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. The interesting thing is that Chapman goes on to explain that sometimes we try to show our love in our primary love language and we wonder why our spouse doesn’t appreciate or feel loved. Unless your significant other speaks the same primary language, s/he’s not going to know.
I love how this book says that love is not a magical thing, it is a choice. You choose to love someone, you also choose to show that love. After reading this book I realize that my fiance and I do speak each other’s love language, and we feel more loved already. But this book actually really brought perspective in my other relationships with people, and made me realize that I wasn’t speaking the primary love language of some friends. While I was reading I was thinking in my head: “Oh Sarah’s love language isn’t ‘receiving gifts’ but it’s ‘words of affirmation!’” or “Oh, all this time I was spending ‘quality time’ with my mother when she really feels loved by ‘acts of service.’”
Now I know that I’m being very vague with exactly what these five languages are… But I promise that it will really make you think about how to make your husband and others feel truly loved. Although this book is geared towards Christians, I find that it’s very minimal with the Christian talk and more in depth about how to approach relationships.
If any of you have read it, please do share! I’d love to hear about it. Those that haven’t read it, please give it a try. I know that it inspired me - and I don’t usually get this way about books. 
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10 Responses to “The Five Love Languages”
That actually sounds really interesting! Thanks for sharing!
When my FI and I were going through a rough period about a year into our relationship, I had a friend tell me about this book. She passed her copy onto me, and I bought my FI a copy, so he could have his own. We both read through it and learned so much from it. I think it is actually part of the reason we are still together today. It’s very easy to understand. Chapman is great about explaining the concepts in real-life terms and situations. You can really learn a lot about yourself and your significant other. The copy I bought for my FI was a slightly newer edition and had a couple’s workbook in the back. If you have this edition, I highly recommend using that resource. It is a wonderful addition to the book material!
I really also think this book is great. And great for any couple or relationship. And it definately is not like a self-help book. It a really easy read that makes you reflect.
I’ve read that one Miss Poppy! 
We’ve been doing premarital counseling, too! One of the other books I really like that’s along the same lines is “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhan. Her husband wrote the companion book “For Men Only” and that one is really good too. They’re both taken from a Christian persective as well, but I honestly think that any couple can relate to the communication issues presented!
There’s also an online quiz that goes along with the book. I’m not sure where it is (my soon-to-be-engaged friend showed it to me), but it is very accurate result-wise and in relating to the book.
Oooooo. I love that book!! I read it and then Mr. Peach read it too! And that’s saying a lot bc he’s not much of a reader. haha. I recommend it to everyone!
heard good reviews about it
I’ve taken that online quiz with my BF too… he’s acts of service and I’m words of affirmation and we’re both secondarily physical touch, so we’re fine when we’re cuddling, but we can get confused when he’s wondering why I keep saying I love him and not noticing when he could use some tea or something, and I’m wondering why he makes such a point of opening my door but doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful very often. So confusing! :S
This book has been recommended to me (even years before FI and I met) more than any book I’ve ever heard of (and I’m a PhD student!).
We each have our own copies, as FI’s grandmother sent him one, but the challenge is going to be to get him to read it. Even just knowing my own love language (words of affirmation) has been very helpful to me.
Mrs. Poppy, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, High End Retail General Manager
Engagement Date: February 25, 2006
Wedding Date: July 2007
Venue: Astoria World Manor, Queens, New York
About Me: I'm a graduate student majoring in Piano Performance. I love knitting, crochet, cooking and learning languages ( I know six so far!). You can find me at your local karaoke bar, yarn shops, sheet music store or any store with Hello Kitty!
I liked that book a lot too. I was pretty happy when I read it because I speak all five languages fluently! But I am old and had to learn them!
best of luck to you and your fiance.