Wedding Blog

im having a destination wedding and an at home reception where my girls will have to be and travel to both locations as well as an addtional times to accomodate my shower, cultural customs, but ive tried to accomodate them in every way and even offered to take on some of the financial responsibilities.

Your not being insensitive at all, are you the only one in her bridal party?

I think she’s the one being insensitive! I think you have the right to be upset. The least she should have done was pay for your dress.

Not insensitive at all. I’d write her an e-mail and just ask her when she gets a free minute to recommend some hotels for you. Ahhh. That would bother me.

I don’t think you’re being insensitive. However, I have a feeling your friend hasn’t yet thought about these things as she is caught up with dental school and the wedding is still aways off. I think some people are more organized than others with matters like this. Morever, unless someone has time to do the research (or I should say makes the time), she may not know about courtesies she should extend (e.g. travel logistic information, etc). Also, I wouldn’t be shocked that she didn’t offer to pay anything– that isn’t the custom. SOME brides choose to do so our of courtesy- it really isn’t expected or required. Bottom line, I have a feeling she just doesn’t know that she should be providing information and jsut hasn’t thought about it. I would shoot her an email indicating that you would appreciate help with logistics. I have a feeling she is clueless (and I don’t mean that to insult her) about these things. I know I have learned a lot about wedding courtesies as I go through my own wedding planning process. I am embarrassed about the mistakes I have made in the past (e.g. not sending RSVP cards back)

It sounds like your friend doesn’t know much about flights to Germany either. If she knew some secret way to save money, i’m sure she would have told you.

Why don’t you shoot her fiance an email? He sounds like the frequent flier here. And you can do some internet research of your own. They might not even know about hotel recommendations because they stay with family there…

As for the tension, I think that this is just an unfortunate situation where no one is at fault. She disclosed that her wedding was to be in Germany when she asked you to be her MOH, and you could have looked up the prices then and politely declined, for very valid reasons! But you were just being a good friend when you accepted without checking the costs.

Try not to be upset that she is not helping out with your dress or travel costs. Just because other DW couples are helping their friends out doesn’t mean that your friend is expected to match that kind of generosity. Of course, it would be very considerate of her if she did, but it shouldn’t be expected.

I say that google is your friend. Do some research of your own first, and determine whether you can afford this trip. If you can’t, let your friend know how hard you tried to make it work,and ask her if she has any advice or help to offer. If it doesn’t work out, you may have to back out of the wedding. Good luck!

i don’t think you were insensitive. its not like you were asking for her to pay your way. but maybe you didn’t get your question across well. try again in email or email the fiance.

other than that, you can use the internet as your best friend. have you tried airfarewatchdog.com? i use that site for my flights and they have some international flights. they show you different deals with airlines to specific places depending on your home airport. i just checked right now and there’s an offer for a roundtrip flight to frankfurt for $477 out of lax. they post stuff every day so you have to keep checking. hth!

I am not sure where in Germany you are flying to, but sometimes it’s cheaper to book flights separate - e.g. Dallas to NYC, NYC to Frankfurt. Or whatever the case may be. Summer is generally pain to travel to Europe because that’s when everybody does it. Besides the obvious internet sites ( Orbitz, Expedia, Airfarewatchdog etc), I would check out Lufthansa website ( they are German carrier and might have some specials).

As for travels within the Europe, check out low cost carriers: RyanAir, Air Monarch, Sky Europe. They often have flights for 1 Euro + tax but you have to book well in advance. Trains are generally more expensive even with EuroRail card.

Good Luck !

I know people generally love the idea of destination weddings but I absolutely HATE them. It may be cost efficient/dream wedding for the couple since they kill two birds with one stone, honeymoon and wedding, but to their friends and family who are EXPECTED to attend, it’s often a huge financial burden. At least some couples are nice enough to plan their wedding on off seasons. I NEED to attend one during a peak season and to a place I do not care to visit. I seriously am not looking forward to it all.

First, I understand that you are concerned about costs and saving money on your trip, but remember that even though it is your honeymoon, this is going to be her big day. Maybe she just got stressed out by questions. She may have been upset just because she was worried that you couldn’t make it. She obviously values your friendship a great deal if she made you her Made of Honor and it would make anyone scared to think that their best friend wasn’t going to be able to go to their wedding.

Anyhow, it sounds as if there was a miscommunication and I hope it all clears up!

I don’t think you were being insensitive at all. As a person who thinks thoughtfulness and courtesy are two of the most important personality traits, I, too, would be peeved my friend did not do the best she could to help me out. In valuing your friendship and being a true friend, the least she could do is try her best to help you out by maybe asking her FI or MIL about travel information to Germany (how hard is that to do??).

I agree with other commenters in that maybe she didn’t understand/realize your dire need of her assistance for travel advice. And if you can ask more specific questions, that will probably help her to know what she is looking for also. I would suggest that you tell her your entire situation (if you choose to), that you are working your honeymoon plans around her wedding just so you can attend. You can start off by saying that you don’t hope to be too much of an inconvenience by asking her help and that you understand she is busy with school but that you really need her help on this or else you wouldn’t be asking. And then say that you are already postponing your honeymoon and trying to kill two birds with one stone by honeymooning in Europe when you will be there for her wedding, none of which your mind at all. Tell her that it is more important for you to find a way to be a part of her wedding than it is for you and your FH to be selfishly honeymooning at a more exotic location by yourselves (not to say that Europe isn’t great for a honeymoon). Perhaps then she will understand your situation. That’s just what I would do if I were in your shoes. I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding/miscommunication like others have mentioned. Good luck!

One other thing to think about is that most weddings in Europe (and most other places besides the US) are not as pre-planned out affairs. A co-worker from Greece was telling me that there news of weddings is spread word of mouth a month or two before. Perhaps your friend’s family just doesn’t realize what is expected by Americans as far as advance notice and directions.

I would email your friend the exact questions you need answered to plan your trip. Let her know also you need the information within 2 weeks and that you’re happy to talk with her fiance or in laws if they would be better contacts.

Also as far as SE Asia, we just came back yesterday from our honeymoon there, including Bangkok and Phuket. Just for reference, our flights were more than what you mentioned yours to Europe would be, and that was with the extremely cheap intra-Asia flights. Also day trips like to the Phi Phi Islands cost about $100 per person. Just wanted to let you know that unless you were really planning on doing a backpacker trip, the cost would probably be equal. Just wanted to let you know so you don’t have bad feelings about how you had to compromise your honeymoon plans.

re: traveling in Europe I myself am not familiar with but DH goes all the time. From what I hear, would recommend just flying to one location and then doing the budget airlines as mentioned previously. Also look into Iceland Air, which includes a stopover in Rejkavik - I remember hearing their flights are usu cheaper than others.

And yes there are cultural differences (just got married in Taiwan). Except for my venue, most vendors I contacted were surprised I contacted them so early (U.S. timeline) and didn’t really get back to me until the last 1-2 months (there were venue changes made the day before the wedding), which made the last few weeks stressful for me. By American standards, my wedding planning would be considered disorganized, but by Taiwanese standards, I guess it was considered extremely well-organized.