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Reader Buzz About: Let us know what you think by leaving a comment...
About Reader Buzz

Mrs. Bee here.

I was chatting with one of the bees this morning, about how paying for wedding party expenses varies according to each culture.

  • In American culture, bridesmaids typically pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup, and groomsmen typically pay for their own tux rentals.
  • In Korean and Russian cultures, the bride and groom typically pay for all their wedding party’s attire, hair, and makeup.

There’s no doubt that it is an honor to be part of a wedding party, but it can also get very costly. Travel costs (if applicable), a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, gifts for all events, bridesmaid dresses, hair, makeup can really add up.

Cultural customs aside, what do you think makes more sense - the bride and groom picking up all expenses (not including bridal shower/bachelorette parites)? The wedding party paying for their own expenses? Or a combination of the two?

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21 Responses to “Reader Buzz: Paying For Your Wedding Party”

1.
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Jenny

I think the fairest would be for the bride and groom to pick up all the expenses, it is afterall, their wedding and their dream. I know that money is a huge issue when it comes to a wedding but I cannot ask people to pay for things that I am “requiring” them to have (dress, shoes, etc.) to fulfill a dream wedding. I am paying for the bridesmaid dresses and anything else I am asking them to have.

 
2.
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Mrs. Snowbride

I think it depends.
For me, I did a combination of the two. Since my wedding party would have to travel pretty far (One from across the country, one from Europe!) to get to my wedding, I did pay for their dresses but I had them made and actually they were under 200 each.
I also bought them gloves as part of their gift and had jewelry made for them. I paid for my maid of honor’s nails but neither of them wanted hair or make up done. My flower girl’s father (now my husband…) paid for her dress and I bought her gloves, jewelry and purse as part of her gift.
So hmm…it looks like I paid for everything. Oh, the best man just got a tie…

 
3.
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miss violet

I really think it’s crazy to pay for the entire party unless that is the “Thank you” gift. Or unless the couple has money. Otherwise, it’s too expensive. However, here’s an idea that I might do.. give a small tangible “thank you gift” and add a monetary gift card, whatever you can afford to give. It’ll help pay for some of the Bridal expenses and it’s a nice gift too.

 
4.
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lilpetunia

I am not in a position where I would be facing this decision just yet, but IMO, if you are asking somebody to wear something, you should pay for it. So yes, I think bride/groom should pay for their attire.

I don’t think bride and groom should be responsible for hair/make up expenses though. Just my opinion.

 
5.
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KC

I always thought it was the bride’s responsibility to pay for all the expenses (except for traveling expenses, etc) but apparently I had been brainwashed by my super Korean relatives and friends. :P I’m paying for brides maids’ dresses, hair, and make up, which will cost me about $150 per person. I don’t think the bride should pay for the entire traveling expense (hotel & flight), but perhaps split the cost with the party, if the bride really wants the friends from afar to be the wedding party (I prefer to have someone local to do the parts just so I wouldn’t have to deal with such issues.). I’m not offering separate personal “thank you” gifts to the wedding party, so perhaps these beauty pamperings substitute.

 
6.
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LK

We’re doing a combo, my maids will pay for their own dress that i will pick out and they can pick out new shoes or wear old shoes. I will pay for their hair and makeup and my bridal shower will be thrown in conjunction with my finace’s family. I dont think we’ll be having a bachlorette party as i am not the type. i think that’s pretty fair.

 
7.
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KB

I think it is important to keep cost in mind when picking the attire if you are expecting the wedding party to pay for it. For my wedding this June, I am letting my bridesmaids pick their own dresses in my color with a couple stipulations as to length and neckline (i.e. not super low). Since I and my bridesmaids are all in college, it seemed to be the best option. That way, they can pick a dress in their price range.

 
8.
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LK

Oh and i am buying their day of jewelry and a thank you gift.

 
9.
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Lea

I think it should be a combination of the two. I think it’s not resonable to ask anyone to pay for everything themselves, it’s not an expense they asked for but I also think that you’re putting on usually an entire weekend for your family and friends which is a big expense on your part. If people are so close to you that they’ll be in your party they would travel to your wedding and probably get a new dress even if they weren’t.

I plan on having bridesmaids dresses that are quite simple and can be worn at a number of different events in the future if they so choose so they will be paying for the dresses and shoes (they were very excited about picking these), as well as any lodging since some live in town and some do not.

I plan on giving them jewelry and a gift certificate for their hair and nails as a part of their thank you gift. We have many hairdressers in the family and as close family friends so they’re donating their time.

 
10.
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KB

Oh, and flattering on them as well. :-D

 
11.
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kp

i think it ultimately depends on the couple and their wedding party…but i do think that the bride needs to be aware of bridesmaid expenses..you don’t want to burden your bridal party w/ an excess of expenses..
for example, if a bride wants a specific BM dress that is very $$, then the bride should def. pick up the tab.

 
12.
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Miss Raspberry

I think it really depends. For our wedding, I will be paying for the hair/makeup and part of the dresses for the girls.

I think you have to add up the cost of eveything and decide how much you think is fair to ask your girls to pay… the bride should pick up the rest..

 
13.
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ally

I’m having a destination wedding and i have paid for the girl’s dresses so far, but i haven’t decided on what else i will be paying for. I am planning to include jewelry in their gifts. I wish i had the money to pay for their travel expenses and everything else but i can’t afford to. I’m lucky that my friends are understanding and don’t mind paying thier own way. They are also engaged and or married and understand about money. I’m also trying to keep everything else low key so they won’t have to spend so much.

 
14.
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GK

I’m paying for by MOH and BMs make-up/hair ($120), earrings, and a pashmina (thank you present). They’re paying for their dress (around $140 at netbride). My fiance and I will be paying for the BM and GMs tuxes.

 
15.
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kate

I paid for hotel, hair and nails of my one MOH who wasn’t a family member. She was allowed to pick her own dress and she paid for that. My sister and 11 year old cousin who were also in my bridal party had their dresses paid by their parents and I paid for their hair and makeup.

I think as long as you are open about the situation from the beginning you’re all set. From the time you ask your bridal party you should be able to tell them what you’re covering and what they should be accountable for.

 
16.
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Jen L

I thing it depends on the respective circumstances of the couple and their attendants. I picked a reasonably priced gown that my b’maids paid for (though I gave one of my sisters a little cash on the d/l to help out), and they can wear whatever shoes, makeup, etc, that they want. I’m probably going to give them jewelry as a gift.

If I had a lot more money, I would cover everything, but it’s not possible for us. Likewise, if one of my more well-off friends chose me as an attendant, I think they would probably pay for more of my expenses since they can afford to and this would give them more flexibility in choosing dresses, for example. That said, for my best friends I would pay for whatever they asked, knowing that they are considerate enough to keep costs reasonable.

 
17.
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marvil

I think if the bride and groom can’t afford to pay for the entire wedding party, an attempt to pay for part of it is nice. If they can afford it, they should. Because many times when they can afford it, the bride thinks an expensive bridesmaids dress is necessary and maybe not all bridesmaids have an extra few hundred bucks lying around. In the weddings I have been, I have been in two that were paid for and one that wasn’t. It would have been nice if she would have either made an effort to make the festivities affordable. Most of us were struggling college students at the time. A lot of people say, but you shouldn’t care b/c it’s your good friend and her special day. Likewise, I am her good friend so she knows my situation and should be a little considerate. Her day involves a lot more people than…well, her.

 
18.
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Patty

I was my friend’s MOH, and she paid for the dress, hair, make up and bought each of us a cute personalized make up bag, and at the end of the night she even gave each of us a red envelope ($200). She said it’s for good luck. I guess in Chinese culture, bride and groom pay for everything, but I seriously don’t mind if I have to pay, because it’s an honor to be a bridesmaid.

 
19.
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wsukarebear

It makes the most sense for the B&G to pick up all the expenses. Especially when you consider a bride might pick a heinous, one-time-wear BM’s dress, might want everyone to look uniform in hair, etc.

I simply can’t afford to do that, so I agreed to finding a dress under 200 dollars. Hair and make-up is optional. Shoes don’t need to match! So, the fact that those are choices and not “mandatory” to participate in my wedding, makes me feel a little bit better about asking them but not springing the bill.

 
20.
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Mrs. Firefly

I can’t imagine asking someone to buy a dress for my wedding, that they potentially will just be wearing one time. I bought my bm’s dresses, my flower girl’s dress and both ring bearers’ tuxes. I didn’t pay for alterations though, since people went where is was convenient.

I paid for my sister’s and my mom’s make-up (I would have paid for my other bm as well, if she wanted it done), but I didn’t pay for my bm’s hair, since she just did it at the local salon.

I think the bride should definately cover “something” to defray the costs … but i’m russian, so that’s the norm.

 
21.
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Alison

Personally, I would like to pay for my BM’s dresses but there is no way we could afford it! Weddings are expensive as it is.

In addition, I’ve always had to buy my own dress for wedding (and would never mind doing so). If a bridesmaid is concerned about the cost, then she should tell the bride or decline the offer to be a maid.

However a bride must consider their maids, and if they are picking out really expensive dresses then they should pay the difference. Since I am not doing this, I am picking out reasonably priced and re-wearable dresses.

I think it is important, though, for a bride to pay for extras. For example if they require their bridesmaids to get their hair, make-up done, and manicure/pedicures.

 


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