Weddingbee Blog

T - I would let them know that you really wish you could pay, but you won’t be able to. However, tell you really want to make sure you all decide on something they are comfortable with, both price-wise and style-wise. Let them have input into the decision, and look for something that they will be able to wear again.

I think getting a dress that is not marketed as a bridesmaid dress is a great choice, and often way cheaper. You can look at department stores, bluefly.com, Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft, etc. And if you don’t need them to match, that makes things even easier.

I agree with everyone. But maybe you could take the edge off by making sure they have input so its something they feel comfortable buying and wearing again, and offering to pay for the shoes or giving them matching jewelry as a bridesmaids gift. Also, you could try a thrift or vintage store if you are in a city, might find something cheaper and better than from a mall.

Send them a cute card with a book about being a bridesmaid that details all their responsibilities - I got that for my MOH and she’s been kick-ass ever since. She is pulling her weight and then some!

Or if you can’t afford the book, point them in the direction of some cute website about what it is to be a bridesmaid that mentions “buying the dress” as one of the responsibilities. Make it part of your bm newsletter or just include it in a card to them.

Thanks for the input. My MoH bought me my outfit when I went to her wedding, and I don’t think my bridesmaid knows period about “responsibilities.” I think will be up front about it - no matter how much I don’t want to.
Thanks again

Like others have already said, being upfront and honest about not being able to pay is key. You should also stress that you would be honored to have them in your bridal party because they mean a lot to you, that you don’t want to overwhelm them financially, and that they should feel comfortable in telling you whether or not they can afford the expense. Hopefully everyone will be able to agree to a specific dress budget.

Being a BM is not a “privilege.” It’s not like the bride bestows BMs with a magical gift–she asks BMs to support and help her prepare for a major event. Yes, being a BM is a meaningful role, but keep in mind that BMs are really doing a service for you.

Being asian, my asian bridesmaids don’t necessarily know the “rules” as to who pays for what in a wedding. So I told them in lieu of giving them thank you presents, I’ll purchase their gowns for them. That way it’s more incentive for me to find something I can afford as well.

i’m with mary - being a BM is not a privilege. its an honor they are doing FOR you. if you really cant afford to buy them dresses, then yes, just tell them so upfront, and work with their budgets. but if your MOH bought your dress for you for her wedding, then perhaps you should at least pay for hers. or maybe you can buy the accessories and shoes - things they can wear again.

What I mean is maybe you could just bring it up when you are talking about the planning process… and most people should know anyway that this will be part of the duty of accepting your offer to be one of your bridesmaids.

When I asked my bridesmaids to be bridesmaids I informed them that there would be a cost. They were all fine with it and I believe expected it. However, now I have a bridesmaid who is saying that it is the responsibility of the bride to pay and because it is my day and not hers which is causing some problems. I have already put some money towards the dresses but I cannot afford to pay for them all.